(Closed) bridesmaid dilemma

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What can I do about this?
    Make her a bridesmaid : (8 votes)
    36 %
    Tell her that I'm having a bridal party and that she didn't make the cut : (2 votes)
    9 %
    Ask her to do a reading, but also tell her about the bridal party : (12 votes)
    55 %
    Keep going as is and deal with the mess after the wedding day : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I know EXACTLY how you feel.  I’m too scared to even ask my bridesmaids to be bridesmaids, because I know I’ll have friends that feel left out.  I think we both need to remember, that it is our special day, and it’s nice that people want to feel included, that day is NOT about them.  You definatly should tell her that you are having a couple of VERY close friends, whom you have probably known for years as bridesmaids, but you didn’t want to go beyond that because 3 was your limit.  But don’t feel like you HAVE to include her.  Now I need to give that same advice to myself.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    One of my BM is engaged to be married but isn’t getting married until about a year after my date and another one is currently pregnant.. and they are the two that help me the most! I personally would make her a bridesmaid so that you don’t have to do all of that planning by yourself (which is omg stressful).

    Post # 5
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If shes such a good friend and so willing to be very helpful, why n ot make her a bridesmaid? just because she’s not perfect and has issues in her life you and your FI don’t want to include her? that’s cruel.

    Also, as long as she is supportive of you and your upcoming marriage, I see no reason not to have this so-called good friend as a BM.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    The point of a bridesmaid is to make your wedding easier. Bridesmaids help out in all different ways, some plan bridal showers and bachelorette parties, and some just show up the day of the wedding with a smile on their face in the dress that you chose, ready to party. Either one is great! What is not okay is having a bridesmaid who will be a source of tension and anxiety. There will be enough of that as you plan for your big day!

    It really does not sound like you want to include her as a bridesmaid, so don’t. Definitely go the reading route in my personal opinion. You could take her out to lunch and ask her. Use this opportunity to come clean about the other two bridesmaids, and the sooner the better. Perhaps when you ask her to be the reader, go over the ceremony outline, casually including the three bridesmaids. You do not owe her a personal explanation unless she asks for one as to why she is not a bridesmaid. Telling her you didn’t ask her in anticipation of her engagement could backfire. What if she doesn’t get engaged? It’s likely already a source of pain for her (if she’s been waiting so long), so having that rubbed in her face (so to speak) alongside also hearing she isn’t going to be a bridesmaid would be a double whammy. If she asks why you’re having two other bridesmaids, just mention that you realized recently you really wanted several of your best girl friends to be a part of your day, and you and your fiance decided this was the best way to include everyone. Bonus… she can wear whatever she wants!

    Post # 7
    Member
    12831 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d probably make her a bridesmaid.  You have to phrase it carefully, though, since you already lied to her and said you weren’t having a BP. And make sure the other girls don’t mention that she’s a late addition!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1791 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    i’ve been with my boyfriend for over six years and somehow I’ve managed to be a bridesmaid at least 3 times for my friends who I’ve been super ecstatic for. I’d be devastated if any of them considered not having me because they thought I might be jealous. Just because she wants to get married doesn’t mean she can’t be super happy for you. In fact, I think it means she’s even more excited about weddings because she hasn’t had the chance to go through the process herself yet.  If she is good enough to help you with wedding tasks, then she should be good enough to a bridesmaid. If not, do her a favor and be honest with her, otherwise  you’re just taking advantage of her kindness. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I agree with some of the others.  You don’t want to become an outlet for her personal drama . . . and if she helps you a lot (which is nice and all) you don’t want to be subjected to her venting 24/7 during the planning process.  Asking her to direct guests, do a reading, or be a guestbook attendant might be a better way to go.

    Post # 12
    Member
    591 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Maybe it’s just a regional thing, but I had 2 girlfriends be personal attendants in addition to my 4 bridesmaids. They helped with some pre-wedding stuff (whatever they could, nothing mandatory), wore wrist corsages day of and helped wherever needed, sat up front for the ceremony, and were in pictures, but didn’t have to buy a bm dress, just wore cordinating colors. To me, they were equally important, I just didn’t have room for that many bridesmaids. Maybe an option?

    Whatever you do, I wouldn’t keep lying about the fact that you have bridesmaids. It’s your decision regardless and hopefully she won’t be upset about that. Obviously the truth will come out eventually and better sooner than later!!

    The topic ‘bridesmaid dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors