Post # 1
I need a little advice from you lovely ladies. I received a text from one of my bridemaids about how much the dresses I chose for my girls to wear cost. They are custom order Amsale dresses that run between $290-310. She told me that they were to expensive for her right now and that she didn’t think she could budget it. I then started researching other alternatives because I really want her to be in the wedding and found the same dress for 50% off (down to $150) at Nordstrom! Huge find. I emailed my bridesmaid to share the good news with her and she then told me she didn’t know if she could cover that. With the dress being an issue, I am concerned that she will not be comfortable travelling for a bachelorette, staying in our hotel for the wedding, participating in bridal activities?
Do you think she is trying to give me signs that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding? Should I give her the out that she suggested earlier? Suggestions.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Give her an out. If she can’t afford a dress, I don’t know how she’ll be able to afford the other stuff. It sucks to be poor. I feel for her. 🙁
Post # 4
I feel for her too – OP, you are kind to be concerned about how expensive it can be to be a bridesmaid. I’d definitely offer her an out and make sure you convey that you’re not at all mad about it if she should decide to be a guest instead of a bridesmaid.
Post # 5
Can you pay for the dress and chip in for the other costs? That would make things easier for her and she would still be able to stand up with you on your big day 🙂 I don’t know about you but I would hate for one of my nearest and dearest not be able to be there with me on my big day simply because they couldn’t afford to pay to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 6
Offer to buy the dress for her. If she still says no, let her out of the party. If she accepts, accept that money is SUPER tight, and she might not be able to travel for your bachelorette, but that she does still want to be in your wedding party!
Post # 7
@BrandNewBride: +1. You always give great advice!
OP, your BM needs an out, and you should offer it to her. Tell her that you’d be happy to pay for the discounted BM dress if that would help her out, and that there’s obviously no obligations other than being there at the wedding day (and hair and makeup or whatever, but she could even do those herself, I’m sure) but if she’s still uncomfortable with that, you’d be happy to have her there as a guest! 🙂
Post # 8
@BrandNewBride: Exactly what I was going to say.
I’ve been in those shoes. One of my best friends chose an expensive dress, traveled for her parties, etc. I just couldn’t do it. She paid a chunk of my BM dress, and didn’t mind that I couldn’t attend the bachelorette party. It meant a lot to me that she understood my situation but still wanted me to stand next to her on her big day. I did everything I could to be a good BM, but sometimes it’s just too much on a tight wallet.
Post # 9
@GretaMae316: Give her an out and invite her to be a guest at the wedding instead with no hard feelings. If she does buy the dress, though, and remain a BM there should be no pressure on her to attend the out of town bachelorette, staying in your selected hotel or participating in other BM activities (like what?). Those things are all optional.
Post # 10
@Jacqui90: Agreed. I would never let money keep my best friends from being my bridesmaids. I would buy their dress and pay for the costs they couldn’t cover. I would understand if she can’t travel for a party. Friends come before those things.
Post # 11
@BrandNewBride: + 1 this is great advice.
Post # 12
@GretaMae316: I agree with other posters – ask if you can buy her dress for her. Technically, as a BM all she has to do is show up on the day of… if you really want her in the party, offer to help w/$$ for the events or give her an out to just come to the wedding.
I have a BM who has been my friend since 9th grade and I can’t imagine her not in the party. She is a graduate student and money is really, really tight. I let her know that I would be more than happy to pay for some of her expenses for the wedding because there’s no way she’s not going to be in my bridal party!
Post # 13
I agree with the others – if she is important enough to be a bridesmaid, offer to help pay for her dress, and don’t expect her to contribute financially to the other activities.
Post # 14
@GretaMae316: if u can afford to help her out w the dress… I would say offer to do that amd let her know it’s ok if she cannot afford to bachelorette party and other festivities. To me it would be more important to have them w me on my wedding day than anything else. However there may be a chance that may not be enough. One of my BMs husband had just gone into remission when I asked her to be in the bridal party. She was super excited and then they found out her MILhad just been diagnosed with breast cancer and she decided that there was just too much going on and that she was not going yo be able to be in the bridal party. I was obviously super bummed but I completely understood and supported her decision.
Post # 15
@GretaMae316: I’d give her an out- if she can’t afford the dress, travel etc, she will probably feel left out and feel like a burden. It;s hard when money is tight:(
Post # 16
Thank you for the fast response. I definitely want to have her in the wedding and I don’t want money to get in the way of our friendship. With 8 weddings (not including my own) coming up this year it can get really expensive.
I just really don’t want this to add any extra stress to her life. I gave her an out but now she wants to wait until July to buy the dress, wear it to the ceremony, and then change afterwards with the intention of returning it later..
@Jacqui90 and @BrandNewBride: I would love to pay for the whole dress for her I just don’t have the funds to offer that to all of my bridesmaids which I feel would be unfair. I am going to see if she wants to go in on half of the sale dress with me. If she still declines that offer than I am thinking their maybe something else going on that she doesn’t want to share.