Bridesmaid dilemma….. Help??

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@VirginiaRose:  It sounds to me like she’s taking her stress out on you! I’d offer to step down if I was you, so that you can be comfortable and she doesn’t have to worry about a mismatched dress in her pictures.

Post # 4
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@VirginiaRose:  Then back out. Most brides wouldnt change their dresses for one person or have just one standing in a different dress than the rest. I happen to be one of the “wear-whatever-the-hell-you-want” kinds of people, but your bride is not and we have to work with what we’re given.

I’d just back out. This is like reason #449 why I always decline invites to be a bridesmaid.

Post # 5
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Take pictures of you in the dress and send it to her.  If that doesn’t work and you really feel you can’t suck it up (a shawl for the reception?  you’ll also be standing for the cermony I assume), then consider having your husband reach out to her to mediate or if need be, offering to step down.  It’s tough to get a dress everyone will wear, that looks good on everyone.  I had size 0 to 12 (originally 14 but the person trained for a marathon – thankfully we picked a dress with corset ties), and 5’2″ to ~5’10 who was a super high heel-lover.  My sister had a meltdown over the one I picked out and we finally resolved it amicably after way too many people butted in (she agreed to wear a second choice dress of mine, but we discussed a lot of options like she could change for the reception).

Post a picture of the dress?  Just being strapless I don’t see as a problem that would make you feel naked.  A ton of bridesmaid dresses are strapless.

Post # 6
67 posts
Worker bee

@VirginiaRose:  I think you should step down from being in the wedding party. It will help negate any bad feelings because at this point, the bride is not going to be happy unless you stuff yourself into a really uncomfortable dress, and when you look back at those photos, you’re not going to be happy with how you look, and neither is she. I know that sounds awful, but I’ve been in your shoes twice, I stayed in the wedding, and I regret it more than anything.

An aside: one bride actually brought this up in an argument we had late last year, saying, “Well, I don’t think you know anything about getting married and I can’t be a bridesmaid for you because you were so uncomfortable at my wedding.” I was uncomfortable because I was in the fugliest guava-colored (yes, guava) nightmare in the history of bridesmaids dresses! With dyed-to-match guava flip flops that stained my feet for a week in an outdoor wedding in 111 degree heat on a freshly mown FIELD! Lol. Sigh. 

Post # 7
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@VirginiaRose:  it sucks being tall sometimes 😛 I am 5`10 so often i love a dress but my ass cheeks they disagree they think it should be a shirt lol 

long torso damn it … i feel for you its so hard and i mean she cant really want you to walk down flashing your ass she likely does not understand 


now she feels like she just had to pick something new, i think you should be real with her sweetly though and just explain if you cant fit in her vision you would not feel bad not standing up there but you cant in those super short dresses and its not about trying to be damanding but show her ur butt show he how it flashes when you sit … remind her the old family and friend will be there and be jaw dropped and look at you badly …. she might not realize how bad it is if you dont put ur i guess 3ish inch heels you need to show her cuz short girls dont get it they never have our figure problems 

Post # 9
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@VirginiaRose:  She felt pressured to make a decision a year and a half in advance? She needs to slow down. If I were you, I would think about just going as a guest becuase I have a feeling this is the first of MANY irrational demands from the bride.

Post # 10
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That seems really early to even be picking a BM dress, but anyway, I think you should gracefully back out. It’s one thing to suck it up and wear a dress you don’t love because it makes someone you love happy. It’s another thing to be forced into wearing something you really, really feel uncomfortable. Feeling like you’re going to pop out (one way or another) is really awkward.

Post # 11
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Unfortunately, she’s the bride so she has the final say on what dress you wear. I would take a picture of yourself in the dress and send it to her. If she still decides to go with it, you can either go with it or drop out. Sucky situation, but it’s part of being a bridesmaid.

Post # 12
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@VirginiaRose:  Honestly? It sounds like you are making things difficult. She tried to make it easy, but then okay – changed her mind. Now she just wants you to wear the damn dress, stand up there with a smile on your face, and call it a day. Can you buy the dress a few sizes up for the length and have it tailored in the bust? Do that. But leave the bride alone, 6 months isnt that long to buy dresses so time is of the essence and she’s stressed out.

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