Bridesmaid Dilemma, HELP!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I go as a bridesmaid?
    No, but go as guest. : (5 votes)
    19 %
    Yes! Suck it up! : (21 votes)
    78 %
    No, say you're busy and don't go at all... :( : (1 votes)
    4 %
    Other (please explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6026 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    There’s loads of valid reasons to decline someone’s invitation to be in their bridal party. How your legs look in a dress isn’t one of them.  Everyone will be looking at the bride and groom. No one will notice your legs.  If this is the only thing holding you back, then suck it up and accept her invite after talking with her a bit so you can understand her expectations of what you’d have to pay for and how much time you would need to invest.

    If it sounds like you can’t afford it, that is another story.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6026 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    If you have to decline due to financial reasons, then you do it exactly how you would decline any other invitation that you can’t afford. “Janie, I sure would love to go to that concert with you/go to the beach with you/be your bridesmaid, but I just can’t afford it right now.  I’d love to meet you for coffee/go see a movie with you/celebrate as a guest though!”

    Post # 7
    Member
    5222 posts
    Bee Keeper

    First of all, you don’t know what style she is going to choose yet so you’re putting the cart before the horse on that front. She could choose those long chiffon gowns with boots ( just went to a wedding where this was done).

    Also, I’m not trying to downplay for body image issues. But girl, you need to see someone if you’re that self concious about your legs. It’s never fun when people comment on your weight, no matter WHAT it is, but that shouldn’t restrict you to a lifetime of long skirts + pants.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee

    willow_1960:  If it is that much of a problem then you need to talk to her. If you are close enough to be a bridesmaid you should be close enough to her to ring up and explain. Especially as she has known you so long she must know abut you wearing trousers to prom. Hopefully she will understand and if not at least you can have a chance to explain to her that you’re massively touched and would love to come to the wedding but why you won’t be able to be a bridesmaid

    Post # 11
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee

    I would accept and speak to her about the dresses. Tell her you are very self-conscious and why you’d really appreciate it if you could wear a longer dress. See if the short style she is interested in comes in a long version as well, and if she would let you wear that. If she says no, after you’ve explained all that to her (I don’t think many people would say no) then you may just have to suck it up for the day. She might end up going a totally different route anyway to the cowboy boots. 

    P.S I know you hate your legs, but as someone who has really thick thighs I’m a tad jealous! We can only control our bodies to a certain extent and unfortunately we can’t alter our natural body shape. Just remember that to you they are skinny but to alot of people they are great and learn to love them! The ‘grass is always greener’ I think! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1303 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

    Most women have body issues.  Most never overcome them.  I hope you find some love for your beauty.  Obviously you have inner beauty or your friend wouldn’t have asked you to be a bridesmaid.   

    Maybe when the time comes to shop for dresses you could mention a tea length dress.  With boots and dress you would be fully covered.   🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    769 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    While in my head I agree you shouldn’t let this issue stand in the way of being a part of your friend’s day, my heart totally understands where you’re coming from. If anyone had a body image issue that has affected them in the way yours affects you, I think they may be a little more understanding. I’m not downplaying the advice above or insulting anyone, but someone not liking their arms but not letting it affect their life/how they dress/how they stand/etc is not the same as someone having a body image issue that is at the very forefront of their mind day in and day out.

    Maybe I’m overplaying your leg issue, but my point is, I understand. It’s not easy to put something so personal aside, even for the sake of another person. Especially someone who isn’t exactly your BFF.

    If you think you can put it aside and do this thing for your friend, great. I’d say go for it.You definitely should try abnd consider it. it might help you to start loving your legs. If the thought of wearing a short dress is that overwhelming, you have to worry about you. Mental health, especially when it comes ot body image, is very important. Do what is right for you.

    I hope whatever your choice is, you’ll be happy with it and your friend will understand.

    Good luck!

    Post # 15
    Member
    42460 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

     

    willow_1960:  I would decline but not for your reason given. You are not even that close anymore. There are dozens of stories here on WeddingBee from Bees who agreed to be a BM for someone with whom they are no longer close. Many of those experiences did not go well.

    I would tell her that I would love to attend her wedding as a guest, but will have to decline the honor of being a bridesmaid.

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