Post # 1
I always imagined that my best friend from high school would be my Maid/Matron of Honor. When my fiance and I were thinking about getting married, I casually told her that I would ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. So I guess she always assumed that she would be the Maid/Matron of Honor.
As I really started planning for the wedding, she told me that she was so swamped with everything that she doesn’t want to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. I was fine with it and asked if she would still be a MB, which she accepted.
But now I think about it, I’m not sure if I want her to be one of my MBs. Faith is really important to me, and I want friends who can really pray for me throughout the planning process and for my marriage as well. She is not a believer, and I’m not sure if there will ever be a day when she will be. =( Also, other than the fact that she is my best friend from HS, there is no reason for her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. There are plenty of other friends that know both me and my fiance, saw our relationship grew, been through all those ups and downs we had.
So, if I tell her that I want exclude her from the bridal party, would it hurt her? She is doing invitations for me, and I feel like I owe her. She seems to have very high ego (I really didn’t really sense this until a few days ago), and I don’t really want to hurt her. Also at the same time, I’m on a tight budget, and I can’t really afford to add an extra Bridesmaid or Best Man.
And.. about her doing my invitations. I just feel like I won’t be comfortable her doing the invitations. Not because I don’t trust her ability, but because now there is a “business” relationship formed between us. I feel I can’t tell her honestly if I hate something she came up with. Would it be better off to tell her that I would just do it on my own..? I think it was a total mistake when I let this “business relationship” formed between us. She’s not charging me, but still…..
Post # 3
I think that if you remove her from your bridal party that it might cause harsh feeling from her . I think that it would be best to maybe talk to her, and possibly express your feelings, but honestly you knew about her faith and beliefs before you asked her. Maybe the right thing to do is to keep her in your party, and pray for her yourself 🙂 . Maybe all she needs is a little faith! God luck though, with whatever your decision may be.
Post # 4
you basically already asked her, so i don’t think you can take it back really without causing hurt feelings
sorry i have edited this twice; why did you ask her to do your invitations if you don’t feel comfortable with it? it seems like maybe you should start to make sure you’re not not asking people to do things on impulse b/c you might regret it and have no way to politely take it back
Post # 5
@Parisgirl123: She’s your very close friend, you wanted her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, but the 2 of you agreed she would just be a Bridesmaid or Best Man instead. Now you want to kick her out of your bridal party simply because she doesn’t follow the same religion as you?
That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard!
Your BM’s are supposed to be those close to you, this girl was obviously more then just a friendship from ancient past. You would have never asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man if you were no longer in contact. She doesn’t have to follow your religion, or even know your Fiance. All she has to do is be supportive of your marriage.
Heck me and my Fiance don’t follow the same religion, and that isn’t preventing us from getting married, or being completely happy.
I’m sorry, but you already asked her, you can’t kick her out. That is very poor manners, etiquette and just tacky.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
Are you serious? I’m an atheist that was my Christian friend’s Bridesmaid or Best Man and I would be SERIOUSLY offended to the point of ending the friendship if she asked me to remove myself for that reason.
I’m DISGUSTED by this post, just because she doesn’t believe in the same thing doesn’t mean she can’t support you and wish you well in your marriage.
Are you going to comb through your guest list and exclude anyone that doesn’t go to a church that meets your approval?
Post # 7
I would be really hurt if one of my friends didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid because we did not have the same belief system. I imagine you would also be quite hurt if someone told you that you would be excluded because you were a Christian (I am assuming). I truly believe having friends of a variety of cultural backgrounds, including religious and spiritual beliefs, can make one’s life richer. She can still support you and have you in her thoughts, even if she is not praying for you specifically.
Post # 8
Sorry, if I offended anyone by this post.. But it looks like I have to make some clarifications.
About the invitations.
I can’t remember exactly, but what I remember is she offered it way back when. And when I got engaged, it was sort of obvious that she would do it. So why do I feel uncomfortable now? I recently gave her my negative feedback on one of her works (not related to the wedding), and she didn’t take it well. May be it was the way I delievered it, but she didn’t take it well. And now, I’m not sure if she will be comfortable taking any feedback from me even for my own invitations. Also, I will be responsible for printing it. It’s not free invitations.
Also, I am fully aware that this is not an ideal situation, and that’s why I asked for opinions. So please please please don’t say things like you’re disgusted or am I insane or things like that. And no, I do not plan to comb through my guest list and exclude those who follow other religions.
Post # 9
I want friends who can really pray for me throughout the planning process and for my marriage as well. She is not a believer, and I’m not sure if there will ever be a day when she will be.
Seriously? Her being your best friend since high school and loving you/being there for you/supporting your marriage isn’t enough?
I’m really appalled by this. : Why are you still friends with her? Why is she still friends with you, for that matter?
Post # 10
Yes, it will hurt her feelings.
Post # 11
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Parisgirl123: It’s a legitimate question when that’s what you’re doing with your bridal party.
And no, I do not plan to comb through my guest list and exclude those who follow other religions.
Post # 12
@Parisgirl123: Invitations wouldn’t be free regardless. By The Way, they are actually quite expensive, anywhere from $150+, the only way to go cheaper is printing them yourself or someone offering to do them for you.
as for the invites you have 2 options:
Just request a sample for your approval before she makes them all. And if you aren’t happy with it, just say it doesn’t fit your vision.
You can tell her you came across some that you fell in love with and while you really appreciated her offer, you just completely fell in love with these other ones, and then get them done elsewhere.
The wanting to kick her out because she isn’t of your faith, is the most judgemental thing i’ve ever heard. I’m not going to lie, to me that is the utmost of tacky.
Post # 13
@Parisgirl123: Sounds like the only reason you want to remove her from your bridal party is that she isn’t the same religion as you. If you feel that this is grounds for removal, then you should explain to her how your differences in religion are causing a rift in your friendship, and therefore, you would like her to step down. I personally would never let religion dictate my relationships with those close to me, but to each his own.
Post # 14
My best friend from HS is going to be one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man for my wedding, and I’ll most likely be one of hers when it’s her turn. She’s Catholic and I have Buddhist beliefs.
Just because we’re not of the same faith doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t still send well wishes her way or care for her and be there for her during any crisis.
I feel you’re at a situation where you could potentially break a friendship, so you should brace yourself for that if you decide against her being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Asking someone to be your Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man is an honor, and you’ll be taking that away from her. If I were her, I would be really pissed off at you… like really. And to tell her she can’t do your invitations anymore..? I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t make an appearance at your wedding. Sorry to be blunt, but you’d be breaking girl code on 2 levels. Saying the initial “no” hurts a LOT less than false promises.
About those invitations – nobody saves a box full of old ones; they all get thrown out at some point. But if the invites really matter to you, as great friends you should at least be able to voice the kind of invitation you want and give pointers.
If you’re the type of person who just can’t say no, the easiest way is just to tell someone in the very beginning, “Thanks, but I already hired someone”.. Or better yet – “FH already hired someone”. That’s what I’ve been doing
Post # 15
Wow. The selfishness/closed-mindedness in the original post is frustrating to read. And OP, I *am* pretty disgusted.
I don’t know what religion the OP is, but most of the major world religion focus on being *good* and *kind* to people, regardless of what creed they follow. To tell someone that they can no longer stand up for you and your relationship because they don’t agree with your particular spiritual tendency is pretty shallow.
Also, with the invitations. If you felt so uncomfortable with having this woman design your invites, you should have let her know from the get-go instead of letting her assume she was going to be your stationer. If you’re so worried about her not being able to read your mind and extract whatever it is you want from your invites, just be very clear and specific about what you want, down to the point of having a bullet list.
Post # 16
@Parisgirl123: As an agnostic, I’m not sure that my opinion will matter to you. However, I hope you don’t remove her from your wedding party, even in part, based on her lack of religious beliefs. I have known plenty of Christians who don’t have the most charitable hearts. My bridal party consists of one Quaker, one Muslim, one Christian, and one atheist. I know that they will ALL be wishing me well, in whatever way they see fit.
I also agree with previous comments that you should get a sample before you let her print out a whole slew of them. If you’re not happy with them, you’re no worse off than you were before.