Bridesmaid dilemma update- Advice please

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
31 posts

If she doesn’t show up on time, don’t worry about it. She is a big girl, you warned her about the situation. If you push her further you are just going to make her angry. If she can’t find you, she was warned and it is her problem to deal with.

Post # 4
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

People are flakes, and it is really annoying. Even though it is hard just try not to waste anymore energy on her whereabouts and go about making your own plans. If she shows, yay! If not, oh well. Let her go to that other hair person and plan your own thing seperately.

Post # 5
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

sorry but it sounds like she is an adult and she knows what she is doing.  let it be.


Post # 6
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Uh, sorry, but I think you are being mean and rude to your friend.  I’d be pissed if one of my good friends told me not to come because she thinks I’m not smart enough to navigate a city.  I know you don’t want to spend your night on the phone with her trying to coordinate, but I think you need to cut her some slack and trust that she knows what she’s doing.  She’s trying to figure out her work schedule and you and your MOH keep nagging her.  Wait until the day before, and then check in.

Do you know where you plan to be for your bachelorette?  You could send your BM a proposed schedule so she can get an idea of where you’ll be? Also, if your BM has a GPS it shouldn’t be a big deal at all.  You give her the name of where you’re at, she plugs it in, and technology does the work for you!

I do get that it’s annoying that she doesn’t always respond, but I’m wondering – has she always been this flakey?  If so, then you can’t really expect her to change.  And if it’s new behavior, then I’d invite her out for coffee and ask her what’s going on in her life (leave the wedding completely out of it).



Post # 7
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You are clearly a kind and thoughtful friend but you’ve now gone beyond the call of duty so far as keeping her informed and in the loop.

If she fails to show up in time to travel in the limo then you carry on and have a fabulous bachelorette party without giving her a second thought. Sure, you could text her and say you’ve had to go without her and even say where you plan to go first but beyond that, do not worry about taking her calls or her ability to find her way. She has clearly forgotten that the party is not all about her. 

Post # 8
717 posts
Busy bee

I don’t see why she couldn’t come find you after the limo ride if she misses the limo…does she not have a GPS or smartphone?  She shoots you a text “Hey I’m off work!” and you write back  “Oh great we’re at X Bar.”  Then she looks up the name and address and off she goes.  I mean it’d be more of an inconvienence for her if she missed the limo, definately, but that’s her problem and she seemed okay with finding her own way.  Even a directionally challenged person like me can find a new place in a new city pretty easily nowadays (and I don’t have a smartphone either, just a handheld GPS in my car).  


And I’m sorry but I really really don’t think her sending one text asking you where you’re at when she gets off work is making the party all about her…you can respond to one text even if the music is loud.  Now if she’s on the phone with you for 10 minutes asking where to go and for directions, that’s different I guess (although I still don’t see why it’s a huge inconvenience) but if she misses the limo and wants to come anyway, I don’t think it’s a big deal to text her back and tell her where y’all are at.  If she can’t find it, that’s not your problem, it’s hers.




Post # 9
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have to agree with PPs here… I don’t get what the issue is with her just meeting you later, it’s really not difficult to just text her and let her know where you’re at if she misses the limo… then it’s up to her to find it. Technology does that all for her.. I’d be a little upset if my friend told me not to bother coming because I couldn’t get off work in time and assumed I didn’t know how to navigate a strange city. It sounds like she is trying to do her best to attend and even willing to travel to be there for you after working all day, so I’d be happy that she is making the attempt to attend.. she could have just blown you off.

Post # 10
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i agree with pp.  i don’t see an issue.  i think you are worrying about things just for the sake of it.  surely with cell phones and gps, she will find you.

Post # 12
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Laura sucks.

Post # 13
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@candy08:  I hate to say it, but I do think you’re being a bit too controlling/getting more involved than you should be. I understand that you’re just trying to be considerate about what’s most convenient for her regarding driving, parking, maybe not hearing your phone, etc., but she seems to be plenty comfortable with figuring it all for herself the night of, so you just have to let her do that. If you do hear your phone, great, and you can tell her where you are, she can figure the rest out at that point. I’m sure she doesn’t expect you to be able to give her directions or figure out where she’ll park at that point. If you don’t hear your phone, oh well, you both already knew that was a possibility, and she’s willing to take that risk.

I know it’s a bummer and you want her to be there, but you can’t force someone to be organized and plan ahead if they don’t want to or don’t feel they are able to. Maybe there’s a reason she’s trying to get out of the limo ride (maybe she can’t afford it, she doesn’t want to be without her car if she wants to leave the party early, etc.) and she just doesn’t want to tell you. I would just drop it and never bring up your frustration again when it comes to this bachelorette party situation.

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