Post # 1
Hey all. I think I need some perspective here…
I have 5 BMs total. There have been issues along the way with a few of them, but nothing too major or unexpected. One BM, however, has been super flaky. She held up the dress order when she kept putting off getting measured (and the dress is still not here because of that delay) and has made some mistakes in the planning of the shower (the guest list is small, but some people have not received invitations and the RSVP date is right around the corner.). But, hey, we’re not all detail-oriented and my wedding is not the center of the universe…
Now, she sends me an email last night saying “So sorry but I need to back out of your bridal shower.” She and her husband had planned a trip but a hotel they wanted was booked so they changed to the week of my shower (which she had committed to months ago).
I am worried about her getting dress alterations (which now I will have to send the dress to her, as she lives far from here), and to be honest, showing up to the rehearsal and wedding as planned. Maybe I am overreacting here? She couldn’t have even called me? I never would have done this to anyone…
What should I do? Like I said…having a hard time getting perspective here. Thanks! 🙂
Post # 3
I’d call her and don’t overreact…just make sure she will commit to the wedding still. Yeah it sucks that she is skipping your shower but people also need thier lives. I’d be annoyed and hope she’d help the other BMs finnancially.
Post # 4
I’d just email and make sure she’s coming to the wedding. End of the day, being there the day of your wedding and standing up with you is all you can expect out of her – the rest is just icing on the cake. I’ve been there before as the flaky BM and I know it’s hard for you, the bride, to cut someone slack when you’re SO focused on your wedding and eveything turning out perfect… but people have messy lives, and sometimes you just gotta let things slide. If she matters as a friend, maybe explain to her that you’re a little hurt but don’t overdramatize it.
The rest of your BMs will be at the shower, yes? So no biggie 🙂
Also – I have extreme phone anxiety and prefer email to the phone 10 times out of 10. So maybe she’s like me and felt email was the best way to make sure you got all the info from her in a sensical manner?
Post # 5
You currently have 1 vote for every possible option — seems unhelpful.
Personally, I believe in the power of actually talking. Not emailing, but (if you can’t be face-to-face) getting on the phone and have a truly honest conversation about what’s going on. If you’re on the phone, you can get a better idea of what SHE wants (does she want an out?) and she can understand better why it’s upsetting you. There’s a lot more communication and hoensty available when you actually hear someone’s voice. If this is a friend then honesty an openness trumps the carefulness that you can get from email.
Post # 6
She might have emailed because she was a bit nervous of saying it over the phone.
I think she will still come to the wedding but is just not able to commit to being much more involved than that/not so into the wedding process. Don’t worry 🙂
Post # 7
I would be super annoyed & I’d call and see what her deal is. Make sure she’s going to be at the rehearsal & wedding & let her know if its too much for her she can come as a guest. Quite frankly this is unnecessary stress.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the feedback so far…
I do think a phone call is warranted here, even if it makes my BM anxious. Since we are friends, we should be able to talk openly about the good, the bad and the ugly, no? Maybe an email response to tell her i’ll be calling her soon…
A PP said that having her there on the wedding day is all I can expect. I agree but only to a point. Don’t tell me (and more importantly, the other hosts of the shower and bachelorette…who, you are pretty much sticking with having to do more work and paying more money, possibly) that you’re coming…get involved and then back out to plan a vacation. Seriously? I don’t know about you all, but I don’t plan vacations when I’ve already committed to other events. If’s she’s just not into the whole wedding process/BM thing, that is okay…just don’t tell everyone one thing and do another….guess I’m still upset, lol!
I have another BM (my matron of honor) who cannot attend either but 1) told all of us in the beginning and 2) has been awesome planning from afar (per my sister/MOH). That really means a lot…
Thanks again everyone 🙂