(Closed) Bridesmaid dilemma…could really use some advice! long sorry!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do with the two bridesmaids?
    Keep them in the wedding because it's rude to ask them to step down : (3 votes)
    8 %
    Confront them and let them know (now) that they won't be in the wedding : (8 votes)
    21 %
    Keep it quiet for now and hope that they will figure it out on their own : (26 votes)
    68 %
    Other... please explain below, thanks! : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

     I have to agree with you.  I would quietly try to let it go.  Hopefully they won’t say anything.   I think it’s kind of a weird situation, though.  If I was asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I can’t imagine never talking about the wedding, or forgetting being asked.

    Are these girls single?  On one hand, I could see they might naturally feel like they have more in common to each than you, at this point.  But to deliberately exclude you?  (And you didn’t say this, but I’m picturing talking behind your back or something.)  I can’t help but think they are jealous.

    Good luck.  I hope you get a new job before the wedding too.

    Post # 5
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    friendship can’t be forced. Since they do not take the initiative to talk to you very much, and ur wedding is a ways off, I think you can just let your invitation slide. Looking at how things are, they probably won’t ever bring it up even if you guys are still friend in the date draws near. Less Bridesmaid or Best Man means less drama! congratz & good luck!

    Post # 6
    47 posts
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I also voted to quietly let it go and distance myself away from them like you’ve been doing. They sound cliquey and catty and passive aggressive. If you weren’t working with them, I’d confront them and ask them to step down, but you’re in kind of an awkward position because of work.

    You’ve done your part by putting in the effort. I hope everything works out- maybe they’ll come around or you’ll find another job. Good luck!


    Post # 7
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i vote for the quiet fade – you have a ton of time between now and the wedding if its something they genuinely want to do they will bring it up. if not. oh well. problem solved!

    Post # 8
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    I agree with the quiet fade for now, especially as you work together. Is it likely you’ll find another job in the 2 years before the wedding? Because that would make everything much easier too 🙂 If they bring it up at some point you could let them know you’ve changed your mind. I’m sorry, it’s never easy when friendships fizzle like this but it’s a good reminder as to who your real friends are, and how you deserve to be treated!

    Post # 9
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    The quiet fade is my solution to almost all my problems..

    Post # 10
    30 posts

    I’d confront them NOW, but not strip them of their Bridesmaid or Best Man duties YET.  You never know, they just may come around and change their behavior. 🙂

    Post # 11
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Two years is a while, by that time you all may have just moved on with life.  Letting things go seems better than confronting them.  If things change over time, (another or both get engaged) they may come around, and include you again if they are just jealous now, but if that’t the case and you’ve confronted them this early, it would be awkward later.  Sorry you are going through this. 

    Post # 13
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Honestly, since your wedding is two years away, I wouldn’t worry about it.  Obviously they have no interest in being in the wedding based on the way they are acting now, and it sounds like the friendship is running it’s course on it’s own.  Don’t worry about it now.

    Post # 14
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I am going with the crowd and say to do the fade. Since it is a ways away, and if they really aren’t wanting to be good and supportive friends to you, then they aren’t worth being your friends or your bridesmaids. I am sure you have friends that do deserve those spots more than those two.

    Good luck!

    Post # 15
    219 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    i vote fade, because the wedding is so far away, but otherwise I would either write an email or have a conversation where you let them now politley, that you are the bigger, more mature person and although you are sad that you are no longer close, you accept that and will move on.

    I think it really depends on how badly you want to stay friends with these girls (not much by the looks of things)

    Sadly, friends come and go and sometimes you just grow out of each other. It happens. Remember the good times and look at it as an opportunity to go meet some new friends!




    Post # 16
    99 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Out of curiosity, how did this work out for you? My fiance proposed on my birthday and I asked my girls that same week. I’m not getting married until March, but there is one girl that I really wish I hadnt asked.

    Shes not a genuine person, and she pretends to be interested in my wedding although she talks about me behind my back.

    For us it’s complicated because our significant others are best friends, but even my fiance is saying that I should ask her to step down, or pretend I never asked her, because the wedding isnt until 3/2/13.

    At one point I thought about created a wedding website, and just not putting her on it to see if she’d get the hint. but I thought that was pretty spineless.



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