Post # 1
I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friends wedding soon after becoming engaged myself. The weddings were very close in dates, but because she was a friend I happily agreed. After consulting with her bridesmaids, the budget began to creep up to over $1000. Elaborate bachelorettes contributing ($400/each), a fully catered 60+ person shower requiring a hall (you can guess the price which was to be fully covered by the 4 bridesmaids) and of course the wedding essentials (dress/hair/makeup/shoes/her gift).
When the budget exceeded $1000 I felt it was necessary to speak with the bridesmaids about ways to perhaps be more budget friendly. For instance, considering making our own desserts rather than catering them etc… With my own wedding costing a small fortune and my bridesmaids not required to spend even half of this amount on my elaborate wedding, I thought it was a fair discussion to have.
As it turns out the other bridesmaids didn’t take this so well and asked that the bride please kick me out for not wanting to spend such elaborate amounts. The bride who has known the other bridesmaids for only a few months (I’ve known her for years) decided she didnt want them to be stressed and asked me to leave. This was hurtful for so many reasons.
The bride is confused why this would affect out friendship, but obviously it is severly damaged. I’m unsure whether attending her wedding would be the best decision, even though she asked that I still attend (she wants to mend the friendship). I’m afraid since her wedding is quite small, the scrutiny would be too great (many people know what happened) and the bridesmaids may not be the kindest.
Post # 3
uhhh …….. is this serious??? I would never ever ever ever expect OR want my bridesmaids to pay $1000 for my wedding/events!
Wow, I am sorry … I don’t even know what to say :/ She honestly kicked you out because you couldn’t pay that much? I guess I just dont understand that at all… I’d probably skip the wedding and say adios to the friendship if it were me …
Post # 4
@RachelM: I agree. That is ridiculous for the other bridesmaids to expect you to pay that much. I would never DREAM of asking my girls to pay anything near that. And for her to kick you out of the wedding party? Screw that!
Post # 5
I honestly think that some people take it to extremes! I can’t evan fathom asking my girls to spend that much money. I also don’t understand why the shower is covered by the bridesmaids. I’ve always thought that would be something that my mother and sister did for me. And even then, I know they, along with my fiances family, will cook the food rather than have it catered. My wedding day will be the most important day of my life to date, but that doesn’t apply to everyone. My BFF of 12 years is getting married in September, and while I am SUPER happy for her, my world does not revolve around her wedding. I love her. I support her. I am excited for her. But if she asked me to spend anywhere near the above stated amount, I would have to respectfully decline to be a bridesmaid, hopefully keeping the friendship intact.
Post # 6
WOW. Well, it’s up to you OP. It will depend on how much you value your friendship and if you want to remain friends with her. Honestly, she’d have to have one hell of an amazing apology (full of chocolate and liquor and puppies and maybe a hot air balloon ride) for me to forgive her and remain friends with her. To kick you out because you wouldn’t spend X amount on her wedding is f**king ridiculous. I probably wouldn’t go.
Post # 7
Wow, I wouldn’t go. She isn’t much of a friend. I am asking my girls to spend about 150.00 on attire. I don’t expect any parties nor am I asking them to lift a finger. I am hosting a bridesmaid tea for them. I am so sorry for you, just focus on your wonderful day and don’t think about it anymore.
Post # 8
Post # 9
I can’t believe she kicked you out because you brought up budgeting. Is this really a friend you care to have? What an obnoxious beyotch. I say, kick her out of your wedding and don’t go to hers.
Post # 10
Question: was this friend a part of your celebrations? Did she spend money attending your events, and is wondering why these girls don’t share your complaints? I am just trying to play devil’s advocate and see it from the bride’s perspective?
Overall, I feel groups of girls can sometimes single out one and perhaps there was not time for logic and reason to shine through. My sense is that the bride acted on misinformation?
Post # 11
If anyone asked me to spend that much i would be pissed. Needless to say, I would have mentioned it to the bride, with some suggestions, not the other girls. You have no way of knowing what exactly these girls said to the bride, to cause her to actually ask you to step down! I think you definately should talk to the bride about what happened, you’ve been friends with this girl for years.
Post # 12
Thanks for your opinions everyone! They are so appreciated and so helpful!
And nope, she isn’t a member of my own bridal party. Also, I spoke to the bride about the issue and she said “I have nothing to do with planning anything but the day off” and refused to do anything about it. I was really shocked.