Post # 1
So one of my bridesmaids calls me today to tell me she doesnt want to be in the wedding anymore. My wedding is 17 days away… and she is choosing to tell me now that she doesnt want to be in the wedding anymore.
She says its becasue she has felt left out of the planning for my bachelorette party (that I did not plan) and that the other girls have been talking about her behind her back and she just cant take it anymore. (she can not attend the bachelorette party as she made “other plans” for that evening) I honestly dontknow what to do at this point. I told her that I had nothing to do with the planning for the bach party, and that it was not me who was talking about her. (although i was pretty dissappointed she wasnt coming to the bachelorette party)
I told her that she was my friend and I wanted her to be part of my special day. She just argued with me for the whole 35 minutes we were on the phone… I am not sure what to do now. She told me it was my decision whether she is in the wedding…. she said she would be in it and be miserable, or not be in it and come to the wedding. I dont even know what to do! Any ideas??
Post # 3
As hard as it may be for you, if it were me, I would be very disappointed, but I would respect her wishes and let her not be in the wedding. She still wants to come to the wedding to support you, so that in and of itself says she still considers you her friend.
Post # 4
Maybe you could get them all together to discuss the issue? Give her a chance to do something else in the wedding?
Post # 5
How would you actually feel if she wasn’t in the wedding? If it doesn’t hurt you too badly to remove her, it seems like it’s the best course of action. You don’t need to be worrying about her on your wedding day or hearing her complain about your other BMs the day of your wedding.
I would take the time to explain why she was chosen as a bridesmaid and what she was expected to do as a BM…i.e. if she wanted to be involved with planning stuff, it was her job to contact others to get involved. She may just have a distorted perspective of how things are supposed to be. However, if she just argues…you really don’t need that with such a short time until your big day!
Sorry to hear you’re dealing with this!
Post # 6
It’s really not fair of her to say things like, “Well, if I must. But just know I’ll be miserable.”
Were I in your position I wouldn’t force her to participate, but I’d also make it clear how much her behavior hurt me and keep it in mind in the future.
Post # 7
If she would like to ‘step down’ – let her. You don’t need to feel upset about anything on YOUR special day!! If she will be miserable being in the wedding party, then let her just come as a guest. Unfortuanately I think she is being immature and selfish, but you can’t control her actions. So, be the bigger person and just thank her for all she has done up until now. You do not need ANY added stress darling. Good luck!
Post # 8
Anytime someone wants to step down you let them. It will be more drama on that day if you force her too. Plus you may feel like you have to take care of her that day and it’s not what it’s about. I honestly think that anyone who would do this when it’s 2 weeks away isnt a true friend anyways.
Post # 9
You cant force her or convince her to be in the wedding, she has to do it because she wants to and honestly if she doesnt want to do it then you shouldnt even want her in it. I think her reasons are petty and shallow because she isnt in the wedding for the other girls she is supposed to be doing it for you, so if she is allowing the actions of the other girls to affect her then she isnt that great of a friend
Post # 10
I think it’s really selfish of her to put the blame on you and want to drop out of YOUR wedding because of something someone else did.. That said, I can’t help but wonder if there is an underlying issue here? In all reality though, whether or not she is in the wedding will not change your wedding day and I seriously wouldn’t worry about it. Uneven sides don’t matter so just have two groomsmen walk out with one BM if you are pairing them up. Don’t sweat it, this is a decision that she will regret and have to live with, not you.