Bridesmaid drama

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m confused.. so is she in the wedding still or not? I wouldn’t have kicked her out over that, but you two definitely need to talk. You don’t like grudges, so don’t hold one. I think she was stressed and things were said that weren’t necessarily meant… but the only way to know for sure is to sit down and have a conversation about it, and decide where to go from there.

Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think you should kick her out of the wedding, this girl is out of town so how is she supposed to help out with things? Also she is a young fairly new family, children require constant care and are extremely expensive to support. I would never have made a mountain out of the molehill that was her not being able to attend the shower last minute. What type of job does she have? Is she required to be on call sometimes? Does she only get so many hours that if an offer of more hours comes up she needs to jump on it? 

It’s great that you were able to step up when her BMs failed her, but she obviously just finished paying for a wedding, and had to go from paying for  a wedding to supporting a child so shortly afterwards. That is a huge financial burden if they weren’t well off to begin with. Can you imagine having to start worrying about diapers, bottle, cribs, strollers, car seats, and a mountain of clothes and shoes for baby so shortly after paying for a wedding they most likely just managed to pay for? Babies require a crazy amount of clothes since they are always out growing them quickly. 

I wouldn’t necessarily call you a bad friend, but it sounds like in the heat of the moment things were said that weren’t fully meant, and i think you need to be more understanding about your friends situations.

I don’t think it’s ok to ‘fire’ a BM, and I think it’s most likely a friendship ending move.

Member
216 posts
Helper bee

@Tydots:  I think you need to talk to her in person, or by phone if you have to, but not by text.  Find out if she still wants to be in the wedding, and if she feels like its too much for her to take on right now.  Let her make the call, that way if she chooses to resign hopefully it won’t effect your friendship so much.  It is totally understandable for you to be hurt, but don’t let it ruin your friendship.

Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i agree with other posters. you both said some things in the heat of the moment. even if you can’t see what kind of financial hardship she is in, just believe it when she says it. i think you’re probably just upset and hurt right now which is why you don’t want her in your wedding. 

Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • kjo
  • 2 years ago
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think you are doing way more than what is expected when someone is a BM!

And I think that you also are just having a falling out with a good friend. We’ve all had those.  Maybe that day, she was having a really bad day as it was, and felt guilty for not going to the shower, and was mad because she HAD to work and sort of took it out on you.

Just call her, and talk it over! You will feel much better

Member
439 posts
Helper bee

@Tydots:  

 

She’s out of line.  If her family is such a huge financial burden on her then she never should have agreed to be a BM or to even attend an out of town wedding if it wasn’t in her budget.  Her finances are her problem and she has no right to make you feel guilty about it.  She works one day a week and it happened to fall on the day of your bridal shower?  She should’ve known that ahead of time, canceling at the last minute is rude.  Not saying you should necessarily kick her out, but I do think she’s being a crappy friend.

Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Maybe you should never have asked her to be a BM. That should be an honour, but she isnt even happy about it, which is really sad. If she still wants to be one maybe you could pay for her dress, but ask her what she wants to do now. I think it will be less stressful for you if you let her decide either way and then go with that.

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