Post # 1
Hello everyone! I need some help with a little bit of Bridesmaid drama. I’ll try to keep it short…
So, my fiance and I decided to only have family in our wedding party, because we thought that would make it less drama filled. I have my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, and his sister-in-law as a bridesmaid. While they were planning our couples shower, my sister tried to do what I had expressed that I wanted, while my fiance’s sister-in-law only wanted her ideas heard. She wanted one full room devoted to my fiance (there wasn’t a room at the shower devoted to me). She tried to have tequila shots there, and she wanted to make it into a party, when my fiance and I had both expressed that that isn’t what we wanted. She went ahead and my sister did her part of the shower, and the bridesmaid decorated a back room in the decorations that she wanted (only things for my fiance). She spent almost all of the shower in the room that she decorated with her husband. I acted nice towards her, and I still sent her a thank you card for her help with the shower.
Now we are two months away from the wedding, and she sent me an email yesterday saying that she doesn’t want to get ready with my sister and I, and she doens’t want to arrive at the wedding location until the last possible moment. She says she is going to drive an hour and a half to her own hairdresser, and then she’ll arrive at the latest possible time fully dressed.
I really wanted us to at least get ready on site together. I would like her to include herself in at least the before wedding pictures. My fiance and I don’t want this to turn into a full on war, but I would feel really bad if she doesn’t participate in any pre-wedding activities and showed up just to walk down the aisle. What should I do? Do I ask her to please be a part of the getting ready, and pre-wedding photos or do I just let her have her way?
Post # 3
Maybe she doesn’t know that you plan doing pre-wedding photos? Call her back (perhaps email, but I always prefer talking) and tell she must be your get-ready location at X time because you are doing pre-wedding photos.
I think worst case I would put my foot down and say you must do this if you want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The only thing you are asking is her help for one day (the wedding day) and if she can’t do that then she should just attend as a regular guest. But save that as a last resort. To start, simply say what she’s proposing is unacceptable because she needs to be there for pre-wedding photos.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Honestly, save yourself the stress and let her do as she pleases. This is probably not a battle worth fighting.
Post # 5
Oh man, sorry. I agree with @lovekiss. Tell her you’d love to get ready with her and if she changes her mind, she’s welcome…and just leave it at that. It’s not worth worrying about at this point, and if she doesn’t want to be there, it’s probably best that she’s not.
Post # 6
@lovekiss: I agree.
You Future Sister-In-Law maybe feeling slighted because her ideas for a party that she was throwing for you were shut down. I mean I can kinda see why she might be hurt because she was doing something nice for you and your fiance and she wanted to make sure the party reflected both of you. That is probably why she pushed the room dedicated to your Fiance. She may have felt that only your ideas were being catered to through your sister.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
I’m with the person who said to tell her that either she comes and participates in the whole day or she can simply be an onlooker/regular guest. My SILs didn’t show up when I asked them to and I have almost no pictures with them and I really don’t like that. I wanted pictures with all of them and instead I have one picture with one of them in it and group pictures of the whole bridal party. I have lots with my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man Cuz though.