Bridesmaid drama :(

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gizfeehily:  I think you should let it go. The bride was, and is, in a very awkward position.

In order to give you the support you wanted, she would have had to publically confront the BBM (bitch BM) on her bachelorette. She took the least drama induciing way out, by supporting you in private and thanking you for the way you handled it.

Post # 4
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I understand why you wanted the bride to stick up for you, and I would have too. But, she’s in a tough spot. If she confronts the other girl, then there may be a big blow-up. And as dumb as it sounds, it’s a pain to un-bridesmaid someone. Maybe she’s just trying to ride this out and then she can dump the girl post-wedding.

Post # 5
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

i think that since she saw you handled it by being a bigger person, and she didnt want to wreck the bachelorette by turning it into a big confrontation. i think by having a quiet word she was showing that she recognised the other girl was being unreasonable and she was grateful to you.

at the end of the day…having BMs at war isnt easy on the bride. shes friends with you both, and other than saying that she agrees and doesnt know why shes acting like that…probably she didnt want to hear “ten reasons your friend is a bitch” all weekend as it puts her in an awkward position

i think yoru fiance is wrong – a confronation then would have led to an argument and spoilt the entire night. i think you need to let it go and know you handled it in a mature way. and theat the bride tried to handle it as best she could

Post # 6
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

In instances like these – its always best to put on your professional face and handle it as such. People who act out in this manner are usually insecure, and confronting them makes them act even worse – just like a child. Its obvious other people are aware of her temperment and do not approve, so you do not have to fight a battle (that in actuality no one has control of because its taking place inside of her -shes the one who has to control HERSELF) to prove that she is whack.  I do think she will suffer some consequences of her behavior in all of this, but like you so eloquently stated, it is about the bride and her wedding day. Kudos to you for putting aside your natural internal thoughts (yes, she certainly sounds like an idiot!)  ignoring her bad behavior ( youre doing it right like a lady!) and helping your bride friend out as you are doing!!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gizfeehily:  I disagree with PP – bride SHOULD have stuck up for you. But, bride was in a difficult situation. She might also be used to having to appease Ms. Bitch for some reason.

From here, though, you don’t need to deal with Ms. Bitch at all. Just attend the wedding and do your part. Since you’re not in charge of the wedding (unlike the bachelorette) you can just ignore Ms. Bitch totally and go with the flow.

Post # 8
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would let it go. I don’t think your friend is picking sides, but trying to keep the peace with as little drama as possible.

 

No matter what Ms.Bitch is just going to be a bitch and after the wedding hopefully you won’t have to deal with her again. The best thing you can do is just take the high road, try not to fight with her, and support your friend as much as possible. The bride already has enough on her plate as is with the wedding and having her MOH and bridesmaid fighting is the last thing she needs.

 

Post # 9
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

paula,  so when does the bride then get a bitchfree bachelorette party?  I know if I was the MOH i would have backed down too, not because i thought i was in the wrong (which she wasnt), but because I believe my bride to be friend deserved to have a drama free night.  That bride to be was relieved and grateful and is probably regretting asking that girl to be a bridesmaid, and is probably posting on wedding bee on how she has a “freakin crazy bridesmaid and how can i get rid of her” post going on right now LOL.Planning weddings are stressful as im sure you know – the less drama that goes on the better the fun IMO 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@montanamum:  Sorry, but no one trash talks my best friend! If one of my less good friends treated by bff like that, she’d get an earful. Even at my bachelorette. That said, I think we all agree the bride was in an awkward situation.

EDIT: And MOH couldn’t really back down, because then she wouldn’t have been doing what the bride wanted (for her to take photos). So MOH was put in an awkward position too.

Post # 11
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Is it possible the bride also talked to this problem bridesmaid in private like she talked to you in private?  My guess is she didn’t want to make a scene.  I don’t blame her.  Things can escalate quickly.

Post # 12
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

OP, how does your BF know this girl? Is it at all possible that they are friends through work, or she is a sister-in-law to be? If so, your BF might be afraid of confronting her for fear of repercussions outside of the wedding. 

It sucks and we’d all like to think that our BFs would have our back no matter what, but sometimes it’s easier to put your head down and not get drilled later. 

Keep being the bigger person, keep being their for your friend who needs you now more than ever seeing as she has to deal with this gem of a lady as her bridesmaid. 

At least everyone knows that you are in the right and that’s sometimes the best position to be in.

Post # 13
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@paula1248:  sounds like you are a best friend that we would all want standing next to us when things get icky  🙂    I definitely can admire that !  I guess though you are right; this was an awkward situation for everyone except the dramatic one; and since she was acting like a school girl rather then a rational, empathatic bridesmaid, maybe she would have responded by backing down and being less a child. But then on the otherhand, having been around children LOL, sometimes they are stubborn as mules and can really act out.  Too bad you cant tell her “time out corner for you”…

 

 

 

In thinking about it more, id probably give her a little smile, continue to take pictures, and if she insisted on no more, I would tell her “dont worry, im making sure you are not in any of them”…and then make sure you are standing by LOL

 

Post # 15
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@gizfeehily:  Well there you go. She’s a groomsmen’s fiancée. Can you imagine the backlash if she said something and Ms Bitch forced her FI to step out of the wedding of one of his best friends? And Ms Bitch would do it, I don’t doubt that for a second. Bride hasn’t said anything because she wants her own FI to have his friends there for him on his wedding day, she doesn’t want to put that at risk.

This situation sucks but I think the best way to look at it is that you are doing something nice for your BF. You are taking the burden for her and sucking it up, for her, because you love her and she means the world to you and if there is anything you can do to make her life easier, especially at this time, you would do it. 

You are being the best MOH you could possibly be right now and she needs you to be able to deal with Ms Bitch. Be there for your friend and hopefully after the wedding she can repay you this massive service. 

Post # 16
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

“Ms Bitch is a fiancée of one of the groomsmen”


Thats it right there. She has to tolerate this person because she will be seeing them LOTS if this groomsman never dumps her. It stinks, but your BFF is in a very sucky spot. I know from experience. My Hubbys BF’s wife is a total slug. Seriously, she looks like one, talks like one, and im pretty sure has the brain mentality of one – and unforuntately she doesnt have an illness to blame it on. I have tolerated many football nights in the past because of it. Have you ever tried to hold a conversation with someone who needs to think inbetween their words before completing a full sentence? and this is about cheese???  ugh. 

And I know it hurts that your BFF is supposedly “taking” her side, but I would start thinking of this as book material for your first novel (as women I think we all somewhat enjoy “I cant believe she did that, cant wait til she gets her comeuppance” novels lol), enjoy yourself and go to the wedding. With your type of sensitivity, there are many more BFF’s in your future, because i know I would like a loyal friend such as yourself to add to my bff’s too!


(((hugs)))!


ps ask Paula1248 to come with you – that girl is GOLD! 😉


 

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