bridesmaid drama!!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mizzkrissy:  Yes depression can be debilitating for 3 months- for years actually. As frustrating as this is, I would just keep in touch with her and if she doesn’t respond, don’t take it personally.  

Keep her in the loop as far as the wedding is concerned, but more importantly be her freind. Ask how she is doing, does she need you to pick anything up for her, does she need a ride anywhere?

Post # 4
Member
6506 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

As someone who has gone through depression and occassionally relapses- yes, it is definitely possible for it to keep her down and out for three months (or much longer).

I’m great at talking and texting but for someone reason when I’m having a particularly rough time with it I do not want to leave the house. I try really hard not to cancel plans because I know it’s annoying but I admittedly have done it. There are just some days that I can’t put on that happy face and I just want to hang around at home.

Please don’t give up- keep asking her how she is doing. She will really appreciate that.

Post # 6
Member
6506 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

mizzkrissy:  I didn’t suggest you were being selfish. I’m just saying that unless you have gone through depression it’s almost impossible to understand. It takes A LOT of effort to leave the house when you are having a bad day. And sometimes those bad days last for weeks or months.

Post # 8
Member
6506 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Then maybe she simply isn’t interested. If she doesn’t want to pick out the dress with you than just pick one out with your other BMs and give her the info. 

Post # 9
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mizzkrissy:  Have you done any reading to educate yourself about depression?

Talking about, or doing anything in regard to the wedding, may very well exacerbate her depression if she is not in a relationship or things aren’t going well for her relationship-wise.

I don’t know when your wedding is, but can you limit conversation with her to topics aside from wedding? Spend time with her as a friend, not a bride-to-be?

Post # 11
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It could be the depression/lack of motivation to do wedding stuff in general. I would check in with her  and see how she’s doing and whether she is enjoying being a part of the wedding or not. Depression is serious, but it’s also not right for her to continuosly cancel plans with you. If she’s going through a tough time and can’t make it out of the house I would rather her say that than make up an excuse.

Post # 12
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

It might not be anything specifically about weddings/relationships that is triggering for her, but it could be because she knows how important it is, that puts the pressure on, and then she is debilitated. Attending wedding related appointments is really important to you and your friendship – she feels pressured not to let you down, and then she can’t function. Same with the job – getting a job is really important, that’s a lot of stress, which means she shuts down. 

You can think of depression like… really severe allergies. You can walk around most days with them with just a sniffly nose or itchy eyes, but then some major trigger comes along, say peanuts (okay, I’m combining seasonal allergies and food allergies now… go with me on this), and you could be put in the hospital, even though you were fine the day before.

When you love someone with depression, you have to know that sometimes they can’t leave their house, and they sometimes can’t even get to their phone/email to let you know they can’t leave their house. It sucks for you, but it sucks at lot worse for them. The only thing you can do is be patient with her, and not make her feel like her friendship with you is in jeopardy because of her illness.

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