Bridesmaid Drama – Advice needed!!!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What to do?
    Keep BM #2 : (13 votes)
    76 %
    Kindly ask her to attend as guest : (2 votes)
    12 %
    Other? Explain please! : (2 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1817 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If she is a close friend as you say she is why not just speak with her without tip toeing around the subject. Explain that you want her to feel as comfortable as possible and don’t want any tension around her and your family.

    You can also speak with you family and tell them to put their personal feelings aside for her and her family and be welcoming etc. etc.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    I’d definitely keep her in if she wants to be in, and try not to be upset when she doesn’t attend some of the events. If you kick her out of your bridal party it will make the relationship even more strained. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @MrsP0801:  After reading your post- and being able to relate in certain ways, I would ask BM#2 to NOT be in my wedding.  

    She can’t attend events due to what happened between the families?  

    My entire mom’s side of the family doesn’t speak to my mom over things years ago- but my cousin from that side whom I am close to has attended my shower, has been invited to my bachelorette (and is likely attending though I haven’t checked)- and is coming to my wedding!

     

    The fact that she can’t rise about the situation that doesn’t include you guys is childish- 

    I haven dealt with this for many years, and the cousins have decided it’s STUPID to let our parents childish behavior dictate ours.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4760 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MrsP0801:  I’m just wondering why she’d attend the wedding and not the other activities.  Are you saying her fam would be ok with her at your wedding but not at your B-party for instance?  This makes no sense.  I’d be worried she’d skip the wedding in the end.  Or even worse if she’s pissed as ahell about everything then not show up or do somehting to ruin it.

    I am very curious to know what the families are fighting about and how deeply it involves your BM.  Is it her fam that is manupulating her or is she genuinly mad?  I think these are 2 very different things.

    Post # 9
    Member
    830 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @MrsP0801:  She needs some space to deal with her issues; you have already done the right thing by asking her if she wants to stay in your bridal party. I know you will be thinking of her when she isn’t around for some of the things that are going on, but what she needs right now is just someone who is there for her and understands what she is going through. I wouldn’t force her to come to anything if she is uncomfortable with your family/still grieving, and I definitely wouldn’t replace her/ask her to come as a guest or it might damage your relationship.

    Like you said, this rift has nothing to do with the relationship between the two of you – she probably didn’t mean to “shut down” communication with you on purpose; she may just be dealing with the effects of that fight on her family – if you think about it, she’s in a pretty tough position and her family may just be on her back about her choosing to stay in your bridal party.

    At the end of the day, all that matters is having that special friend standing with you when you marry the man of your dreams – and even after that.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would definitely keep her in the bridal party. Honestly, I don’t see much benefit in kicking her out and a whole lot of side effects. You’re upset that she can’t come to all the other events. That’s legit. But kicking her out of the bridal party doesn’t solve this problem. So it sounds like you may not have her at events, either way, so the only thing to do is to get over it and try to enjoy the things she is comfortable attending. And if you do kick her out of the bridal party it will undoubtably cause huge drama and damage the relationship, and what do you gain??? It’s very sad that she can’t get over the family drama more. But maybe time will help that. And kicking her out of the bridal party will only make it worse. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Maybe she feels the other events are going to be more intimate where she actually might have to interact with your family a lot and at the wedding there will be more people and even a date for her to talk to which may make it more comfortable for her. 

    Drama between families sucks. Im going through it too so I know how you feel. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MrsP0801:  Well hello fellow jersey bride! Where are you getting married!?

    Post # 16
    Member
    1881 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Okay listen, you already gave her an out – she didn’t take it. She WANTS to be in your wedding. At this point, you can’t oust her. She hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s just trying to navigate a sticky situation. Don’t ruin your relationship with her over this. If anything, maybe ask someoneelse to ALSO be a BM if you feel like you want more people involved. But do not ask her to step down, that’d be awful.

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