Bridesmaid drama.. am I being selfish??

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@lauramae89:  Don’t be concerned, feel any way you like about these things, just don’t let that affect your behavior and if you feel like you’re being over-dramatic..you probably are.

You’re getting married, congratulations!  That’s wonderful and I’m sure your day is going to be amazing….but that’s all you get, ONE DAY.

Your cousin is getting married too, and I’m sure you remember what it was like to be newly engaged and starting to plan, of course that eclipses your things and familial attention…well, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

Either way, allowing these trivial little issues to make you unhappy and stress you out is silly…everything is going to be fine and at the end of it all, you’ll be married!

 

Post # 4
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lauramae89:  The thing with your cousin, I would let roll.  It doesn’t sound like she’s actually done anything hurtful or mean.  All she’s done was gotten engaged, the rest of it sounds like it’s coming from your other relatives.  It’s not your cousin’s fault that the rest of them play favorites.  It could also just be a case of “breaking news” so to speak.  Your wedding has been planned and is almost here, they’ve known about it for quite some time.  Your cousin’s engagement is the new story and (not surprisingly) the biddies are all over it, lol.  As for her engagement party, again, I would let it roll.  No, she shouldn’t have planned it for the day after your bachelorette party if it was THAT important to her that you be there.  But I doubt there was malicious intent, she was probably just disappointed that you didn’t make it and voiced that, sparking a huge game of telephone where everything gets blown out of proportion.  Tell her you’re sorry you couldn’t make it but you’re sure she understands that your PRE-PLANNED bachelorette party was the night before.  Laugh it off, and ask her to go out for drinks to celebrate instead.  Done deal.

As for your SIL, I’d be worried about this and pretty peeved.  It sounds like your wedding is dead last on their list of priorities, and this is YOUR BROTHER we’re talking about.  Quite honestly I think I might approach my brother and ask what’s up.  You can always nicely tell them that you’d understand if she needs to step down as a BM for financial or other reasons.  Set a deadline that you need to know by (I mean your wedding is 2 months away for crying out loud).  Worst that happens is you’re short a BM and a flower girl.  Your wedding will go on with or without them, but your relationship with your brother and SIL might not fare as well.  That would be the bigger worry for me.

Post # 6
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whoa. You seem super stressed. Take a deep breath. This stuff is so not worth your energy. Let your cousin be excited about her wedding. Everyone will be super excited for you on your wedding day. People tend to pay attention to new things, but there’s really nothing to do about that other than just let it roll off your shoulders. I’d actually think it might be nice to have a little pressure off of people constantly asking how wedding planning is going. As for your SIL, I think it’s pretty normal that she hasn’t been in as much contact since the move. It’s hard over distance. And moving with 3 kids is a big thing. So, honestly, I would just let worry about dressing the kids. One less thing for you to deal with. They’ll be dressed and it will be cute and fine, even if it’s not exactly what you would have picked. Far better than stressing and hassling your sister until they get something. 

So my biggest advice about all this kind of stuff is just to care less. It’s all really not that big a deal. It’s not worth stressing over. Remember the important parts of the wedding. What the kids are wearing is likely not very high on that list – right?

Post # 8
Member
6270 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

since she’s a BM how come she was not at your jack and jill party?  did your parents ask her about that when they questioned why you couldn’t go to her party?

Post # 9
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lauramae89:  I hear ya sista!!! I don’t have an anxiety disorder, but I very much like for things to be planned and organized. My wedding is in 2 weeks and I’ve just come to the realization that it’s not all going to happen. And that’s okay. The important stuff will get done. And the unimportant stuff is unimportant. But it’s so easy to get worked up over everything. You’ll be fine. The bee is a good place to vent. Just remember, in the end you’ll marry the person you love and that’s what’s really important.

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