(Closed) Bridesmaid drama… Am I in the wrong?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think you should feel bad in this one. You really tried to reach out to her on several occasions, as did your bridal party, and it seems as if she was completely uninterested. Unless you’re really sad about losing her friendship, I would just let this go and not feel badly at all. BTW – Did she buy a bridesmaid dress for the wedding?

Post # 5
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you did the right thing and handled it perfectly.  She wasn’t insterested in participating, which she proved with her actions, and she completely used you telling her she shouldn’t be in the wedding as an excuse to turn it around.  You’re probably not going to ever see her again – you’re better off just moving on.

Post # 6
Member
13102 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally – I’m surprised you asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place.  Based on what you’ve described, you guys really didn’t seem to be close at all.

I’m not a fan of brides asking BMs to step down as you don’t really know what may be going on in their life that they are having to deal with (people don’t like to share these kinds of things) and you obviously felt close enough to ask them in the first place and those feelings don’t typiacally take a 180 degree turn that quickly.

I also think discussions like that should happen face-to-face and you’d never had any other discussion with her about being upset so I can understand why she felt blindsided and is now uncomfortable attending.  I’m sure she just said she’d be happy to come as a guest because, in the moment, had no clue how else to respond.

Post # 8
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that be being unwilling to return emails she sent a signal that she didn’t want to be in the wedding. Maybe call her to see if she wants to meet for coffee so you can explain to her in person that you thought she no longer wanted to be in the wedding since she was completely out of contact with everyone and that you’re sorry if you were incorrect in that assumption.

But . . . I wouldn’t re-offer to let her be a bridesmaid.

Post # 9
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

@punky_brewster: Then I definitely wouldn’t feel badly! It doesn’t sound like she was interested at all, and she certainly wasn’t making any kind of effort to even be your friend, let alone be a bridesmaid! Don’t beat yourself up over it! It’s a shame to lose the friendship, but it sort of sounds as if it was a one sided one on your part anyway.

Post # 10
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Am I reading this right?  You have had no contact with her at all in over a year, and she ignored all of your e-mails and phone calls?

I usually come down on the side of the BMs in these types of situations, but I think you were justified in asking her to “step down” as long as you were polite.  You don’t want someone who you don’t even talk to standing up for you, in your wedding pics, etc.

If she has paid any money for a BM dress or anything, I would offer to reimburse her.

Post # 11
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

There is no reason for you to feel badly. Being a bridesmaid is being involved in the wedding to a greater degree than your guests and she didn’t even RSVP on time for pity’s sake which is what even your most uninvolved guest is expected to do. Honestly, good riddance, I hate to say something bad about someone I don’t even know, but she sounds dramatic and flighty, hardly someone you want in your wedding pictures for years to come if she caused drama. You are definitely not in the wrong!

Post # 14
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I definitely wouldn’t feel bad. You made an effort to include her and so did the rest of your bridal party. You made an effort, she didn’t. I think I would have done the same thing you did.

Post # 15
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

In that case, DEFINITELY don’t feel bad!

Post # 16
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

no I think you did the right thing

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