Post # 1
This is my first post-and I am in need of some serious advice! I am dealing with, as I’ve dubed it, a grumpy bridesmaid. This particular maid has been/was one of my best friends. We attended college together and went through a lot. Since graduating and moving to the same city, our friendship has stayed strong until I briefly moved. Upon returning to the same city, we’ve had our ups and downs. We know each other extremely well and it is hard not to call each other out on things. Over the past two years our friendship has started to decline, but I felt the need to include her in our wedding. This was something I wavered about, but utimately felt like it would be worse if I did not include her. After asking her to stand with me, with an entusiastic reply I felt good. I informed her that I’d love for her to help me with caligraphy when the time comes and to hold tight for details and decision making. We started making plans, and she’d actually follow through, and I felt like our friendship was on the right track-until dress shopping. Here is where I dubbed her the grumpy bridesmaid and it has stayed that way. She was uncomfortable in everything, unhappy with everything and self-consious about how she was going to look on our big day. Mind you, I told all the maids (there are only 3 of them including her) they could choose whatever dress they’d like as long as it was the same color and fabric. In addition to the dress drama, she has been avoiding me, making plans and canceling, not following through with emails sent by my MOH or myself and in social situations has been hostile, unresponsive, snippy and uncomfortably awkward. We’re 3 months out until the big day, she has not tried her dress on (she’s had it since June) and has no idea when or how she’ll be traveling to the wedding. Over a year ago she had confined in me she was jealous (before my fiance and I were engaged) of where I was in my life, is she still just that jealous? Not only am I balancing family requests, wedding planning, a full-time job and social life, this is stressing me out to the max. I feel like I am losing a friend just because I am getting married and she’s not. Do I “fire” her as a bridesmaid, or suck it up and deal, knowing I’ve lost a friend through this process?
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
My vote is suck it up and deal until the wedding. If she comes through for you, great! If not, well then you’ve done all you can.
It’s unfortunate, but to me it sounds more like her insecurities are what’s causing her to be the “grumpy bridesmaid”. She may be consistently backing out and being fussy because she feels badly about herself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about jealousy. Especially since it sounds like the grumpiness started after she couldn’t feel happy in any dresses she tried on. Just be patient with her and let her work it out. Please don’t confront her, because it if is insecurities, she’s likely to get very reactive.
Congratulations on your wedding. 🙂
Post # 3
I would have another talk with her. Once you ask someone to step down as a BM things change instantly. I would see what is bothering her so much because you feel as though she doesn’t give a damn about your wedding if that’s the case why is she going to be in it and give you that kind of stress.
Post # 4
Have you only been in touch with her regarding wedding things only? Have you tried to contact her or make plans with her outside of wedding related things? Perhaps she is going through something, and needs you to be there as a friend and not a bride.
How about giving her a call to talk to her about her life as opposed to making her feel like you’re checking up on her. I’m not saying that you are, or that you are in the wrong for wanting to know whats going on. But, I think sometimes already insecure friends get easily annoyed when they’re only being contacted with wedding related topics.
Post # 5
MrsKJS: I agree with PP, talk to her and see what her deal is. If she’s plain jealous then you need to explain to her that life isn’t as magical as we dream about when we’re kids that as your friend, she needs to support you and when her time comes, you’ll do the same. That’s what friends do… I have a friend very similiar – when we were the same person (no BF’s, living at home, working during the week) we talked and hung out all the time. Now that I live with my BF, close to getting a house and engaged, we hardly ever talk and when we do she brings up how she never sees me, I tell her that I’m here in my life and you’re there. We can still be friends but it will never be the same as before… if she’s any true friend, she’ll understand and if not then ask her if she would like to back out to save both of you guys stress and time.
Post # 6
MrsKJS: I agree with LMD:, I would also include her in other things you used to do. Once the wedding is over, she might just bounce back to being her old self. If she has been jealous, or not feeling good about herself -appearance, where her life is going/or not, your wedding might make her feel bad for herself. Try doing something together non-wedding focused if you can, make it light. If you can’t just suck it up til after the wedding, then try to schedule something you used to enjoy. You may not have to demote her or lose your friendship. Good luck!
Post # 7
Thank you all for the heartfelt comments. It means alot! I’ve tried to reach out to her, make plans and do things non-wedding related a lot. In fact, those are the plans she constantly cancels on and then only attends the wedding related events. When she has attended, she seems so out of it and we can barely hold a conversation. I reached out to see what was up and of course caught her off guard-we’re meeting to get on the same page. I don’t know how this caught her off guard, but I guess it shows how self-absorbed she’s been. She doesn’t get it and hopefully our chat will iron things out.