- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
This is a very long post, but if anyone has time to read it, I desperately need to feel like there is SOMEONE out there who understands me!
I was recently married on June 28. Hubby and I spent 9 months planning, doing most of the DIY decorations and paying for 2/3 of the wedding ourselves. It was a huge financial and time investment, and very stressful, as we spent hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars.
Our wedding was beautiful. We are both overwhelmingly thrilled with the way it turned out, and it was amazing to see our hard work pay off. Not to mention, we are finally married!
There is only one problem. During the wedding planning, I had MAJOR drama with one of my bridesmaids and I just cannot seem to get over it.
I chose 6 bridesmaids for my wedding: 3 girls I work with (Bridesmaids A, B, and C), 2 sisters, and a friend from high school (Bridesmaids D, E, and F).
Bridesmaid A and I have been co-workers and friends for three years. I knew I would ask her to be a part of my wedding. And while she was often helpful coming up with ideas and on occassion spending time working on the wedding, she ended up causing major problems. It started when she broke up with her boyfriend about 5 months before the wedding, around the time I was looking for wedding dresses. I spent a lot of time comforting her, because that was my job as a friend. But it was frustrating when we would be out dress shopping or something, and she would just sit there on the verge of tears the entire time. All I wanted was for her to put on a happy face for just a couple hours while we were planning the happiest day of my life. When I brought this up to her, she immediately said that she was obviously causing drama and she was no longer going to be a bridesmaid. I was so hurt, and BEGGED her to still be a part of my wedding. She finally agreed, and I put it all behind me and went on, trying to be more sensitive to her emotions.
I thought everything was fine until two weeks before my wedding. All my bridesmaids had purchased their matching bridesmaid dresses (for a reasonable $40). Now it was time for them to purchase shoes. Because I was already very stressed with everything, I decided I didn’t want the responsibility of worrying about their shoes. So I told them all to find their own shoes in a shade of light pink, and that I preferred heels. I figured that way they could get shoes in their style and price range. After this, Bridesmaids A, B, and C (all of whom I work with) decided to go shoe shopping together. While they were out, they called me and told me that “they” thought that everyone should have matching shoes, because it’d look weird if all the shoes were different shades of pink. So I told them that was fine by me. Even though I knew that that meant I’d have to end up paying for the $40 shoes of Bridesmaids D and E, all of whom are not in good place financially. Then bridesmaids A, B, and C decided that we should purchase three different types of shooes, and two people wear each type of shoe. Again, I just agreed, not wanting to get involved. That day, all shoes were purchased except for shoes for Bridesmaids A and F.
Bridesmaid A kept looking for a different pair of shoes, since she didn’t like any that the other girls had chosen. Since Bridesmaid F lives in a different state, Bridesmaid A would choose shoes for both of them. That night, Bridesmaid A texted me and asked if she could get a different color of shoe than all the other girls had, since she “didn’t like the color of the shoe against her leg.” Literally, exact quote. The shoes didn’t compliment her LEG COLOR. I texted back and said that the others had said it would look weird for there to be different shades of pink, so I wanted her to get the same color. She never responded.
A few days later, she sent me a picture message of two pairs of shoes she had found. One were the correct color of pink, and a basic peep toe heel. The others were CREAM colored, with a little bit of pink accent. They were also hideous and not even close to the same style of the shoes the other girls had chosen. She asked me what I thought of the cream ones. I told her they were the wrong color and would stand out too much, but that I liked the peep toes. I sent the picture message to Bridesmaid F, and told her that the cream shoes were $50, and what did she think? Bridesmaid F said she’d do whatever I wanted, but that she liked the peep toes better. I texted that to Bridesmaid A. Bridesmaid A then called me and said, “I’m getting the cream colored ones. They are the ones I like. I’m not spending money on a pair of shoes that I’m not going to wear ever again. ” I couldn’t believe she would completely disregard my opinion! Not to mention, Bridesmaid A is VERY financially comfortable, and goes clothes shopping constantly. I knew she could afford ANY pair of shoes. Regardless, I told her that I wanted her to get the peep toes, and if she didn’t like them that I would pay for them. She said no, got very mad and hung up. I completely broke down, sobbing over her selfishness and the stress she was putting on me. A short time later, she told me that she had gotten the peep toes for both her and Bridesmaid F. I met up with Bridesmaid A to pay her back for the shoes for Bridesmaid F AND the shoes for Bridesmaid A. Bridesmaid A refused the money for her shoes.
After I left, Bridesmaid A called me. She said that she could tell I was upset, and because of this she was no longer going to be my bridesmaid. At this point my wedding was 13 days away. I freaked out. I couldn’t believe she was doing this. We argued for a few hours, and then that night I told her that if she stepped down as a bridesmaid, I would no longer consider her a friend. A friend wouldn’t act like this. She finally agreed to still be a bridesmaid. At this point, I told her that as a professional courtesy I did not want her to discuss this with anyone that we worked with. I also asked to meet with her the next day, so we could try to talk things out, which we did, although she still obviously believed she did nothing wrong.
Things kind of went on after that. Things felt very weird at work, but I ignored the situation and focused on preparing for the wedding, which went well. However, after I returned from my honeymoon Bridesmaid C informed me that EVERYONE in the office had been told by Bridesmaid A about the shoe drama INCLUDING OUR BOSS. At my wedding, a co-worker also made a joke to Bridesmaid A about “how did she like her shoes?” and Bridesmaid A laughed in response. At work, all of my co-workers were ignoring myself and Bridesmaid C, and were suddenly “best friends” with Bridesmaid A. I could not believe how she had betrayed me.
I talked to our boss about the situation. He said that he could tell she had started this, and that he was not going to tolerate drama in the workplace. He announced that to the whole offfice. After this, I talked to Bridesmaid A and told her how I still felt that she had been in the wrong. She told me that EVERYONE she had told, including our co-workers, had told her that I was “ridiculous” for demanding she buy a pair of shoes she didn’t like and that I was a complete “bridezilla.” I told her how unfair it was that everyone is on her side just because I chose to be professional and not discuss it with people. She apologized, and we talked to our co-workers about not making judgements.
As things now, I treat her with professional friendliness, and she acts like there was nothing ever wrong. But I’m still furious that she and ALL my co-workers think that I was “wrong” for wanting her to buy a pair of shoes that coordinated with everyone elses. Standard American etiquette states that bridesmaids pay for their wedding attire, but the choice of dress and shoes is ultimately up to the bride. **http://www.emilypost.com/attendants** Heck, even the recent movie “Bridesmaids” (which, ironically, is Bridesmaid A’s favorite movie and she has seen 15 times) has scenes in which the main character can’t afford the dress and other things that the bride picks out, but buys them anyway because that’s how it works. And though things are less tense at work, a lot of my relationships there have obviously been damaged by the things she has said about me behind my back.
Does anyone agree with me that she behaved immaturely, disrespectfully, and in complete contradiction to her role as a bridesmaid? Please. I need validation. I need to know that I’m not just some b**** who had to have everything her way. Please. 🙁