Bridesmaid Drama (rant)

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you have a choice. Either ask her to be a BM and expect NOTHING from her at all, except showing up on time with a dress and standing next to you – pretty much, just to keep the peace and bc you’re going to be family. Or, don’t ask her to be a Bm, make up an excuse about how you have too many (I would tell FI to cut it down to 6, too) and ask her to be a part of your wedding by doing a reading. I would opt for the first choice because you kinda already asked her or told you she would be your BM and I don’t think that’s something you’ll be able to back down from without much drama. Just keep her participation in wedding-related activities and your expectations SUPER low.

Post # 4
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

What’s your FMIL like? I might keep her in the loop and let her know that you feel like kind of stuck and don’t want to make FSIL uncomfortable by putting her in the wedding if she doesn’t want to be a BM. I know a lot of people will say that getting FMIL involved in a bad idea, but your FSIL sounds like she might lie and make you look bad to FMIL so you might need some in law support at some point. It’s better that she knows what’s going on. She sounds kind of miserable. I feel sorry for her. @CaliBrit:  

Post # 5
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This was what people told me over and over again when it came to peOple problems in my wedding: “it’s your wedding do what you want.”

Cut down your wedding party numbers if you have to. Or better yet wait until she makes her first screw up and use that to man up to her and tell her that you are not willing to have someone that treats you like shit to be occupying a special place in your wedding. 

And so what if she works with you, about time you send a message in the work place that you don’t put up with anyone that disrespects you. And I would say that everyone in the family would respect you more for it too, that you are not to be messed with!

What I learned from my wedding:

– invited my boss to my wedding only because I was inviting a lot of people from work, thought our relationship would improve but no. She still acts like a beotch to me. She didn’t cause any drama during the weddibutane she seemed to have enjoyed herself. But I felt it was wrong to buy her a nice 120 euro dinner and let her see stuff about my family and be treated like crap when I got back to work. My fault for being such a people pleaser.

– as for bridesmaids, 2 sisters and a long time friend. Big mistake in the long time friend, had no idea she could be such a diva. Robbed me of an enjoyable wedding morning prep and is still currently a source of my negative thoughts post wedding. Which is the reason why I’m on this site, to be able to get over it. When I could pat myself for doing such a good job on the wedding, all I could think of is how she looked like she was sulking in some of the guests photos. Hope that’s not the case with the pro photos.

Trust me you don’t want these negative things overshadowing how you will remember your wedding 🙂

Post # 6
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@PetalFace: You are sooo RIGHT! I Just had my wedding on August 3, 2013 and kicked a bridesmaid out 11 days before the wedding. My only regret was asking her to be in the wedding to begin with! 

@CaliBrit: Trust me when I tell you. The only thing that matter is that you enjoy this experience. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone! That’s it!… Politely dismiss her from the wedding and keep her at a safe (married-into-the-same-family) distance. She isn’t your sister. Chances are you wont be confiding in her at any point during the wedding. The best way to deal with this is let it be. She is seemingly competitive for all the wrong reasons. You dont want to look at your wedding pictures and there she is… Having her in your wedding puts her in close proximity to the most intimate time of your life! DONT DO IT! 

Post # 7
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@CaliBrit:  wow, I am even suprised that you asked her to be your BM!!!!! You surely want to be nice, but this is hurting you now… Maybe ask her to step down?

Post # 8
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You’re bridal party is people that you choose that are close to you like sisters/family, not some obligatory person that berates you. 

I would hope that you don’t feel pressure to include her in the bridal party just because she is marrying into the family!

This is why I am only having my sister as a maid of honor and my FIs brother as a best man.

No drama!

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