Post # 1
EDITED PER YOUR COMMENTS. SORRY.
Ok Hive. Help me out here, because I’ve been trying not to cry in my office for the last hour.
PAST: There was an incident between two of my bridesmaids, nothing major, but Local-BM got upset with EastCoast-BM because when they were running out of dress sizes, Local-BM made the decision to go ahead and order EastCoast-BM an 10Petite instead of an 8 because the wedding specialist swore they were the same size. EastCoast-BM proceeded to get very upset/worried that it wouldn’t fit. I don’t know the whole story, but I ended up having to apologize to both about the other and I had hoped it went away.
TODAY: I thought more evidence of this tension was coming up in an e-mail I saw from Local-BM.
MY RESPONSE: She was clearly very busy at work so I asked one of the other BM’s who is good friends the following via e-mail today: Is there still tension there or am I just sleep deprived and worried about nothing?
HER RESPONSE: That I was going behind her back. It was completely high school of me to do so.
MY QUESTION: I won’t explain my reasoning for the moment (don’t want to poison the well). I just want to know if, given that background, you read that as “high school” “going behind her back” as it stated in her e-mail when she found out about my question? She’s now saying that maybe she shouldn’t be a bridesmaid at all if this is the way my wedding is going to be.
Who is on shakier ground here? Thanks in advance.
Post # 3
I know you are stressed and probably typing really fast but it is a little difficult to understand the story or the context of what you are asking without a bit more detail. The first part is fine, it is the second part about your email that I am having trouble following.
Post # 4
@plantains: I thought I was the only one.
I am a little confused with what your asking as well. 🙂
Post # 5
I am guessing that you sent this:
Is there still tension there or am I just sleep deprived and worried about nothing?
to BM #3 asking if LocalBM still felt there was tension.
I am guessing that LocalBM or EastCoast BM found out about the question asked to BM #3 and is upset about it.
If that is the situation then I think they might be over reacting.
Post # 6
I get what you are saying. It doesn’t sound like you were trying to be “high school” at all here or going behind anyone’s back. It just seemed like you were trying to mediate a situaiton between two members of the bridal party. However, it doesn’t necessarilyi seem like anyone is in the wrong here. ECBM was worried that her dress wouldn’t fit, and LocalBM was trying to be on top of the ordering. When it comes down to it however, I would just explain to the BM (who thinks you went behind her back) your reasoning for sending the email to another BM. Just tell her you didn’t mean it to be back-stabbing or anything like that, but that you were just trying to fully understand the situation. Sounds like these girls are being pretty immature, and if someone is going to threaten to drop out of your wedding over something like this, then that is just silly. Sorry you are going through this! Hope it works out 🙂
Post # 7
Oh wait!! After looking at the poll, you are asking if you should send the BM that message? Right?
If that is the question, I would let sleeping dogs lie, and don’t mention anything. Or, if you really want to ask, I wouldn’t do it in an email, I would wait to talk to her over the phone or face to face.
Post # 8
From what I read, there was some intitial tension between 2 BMs that you apologized to each of them on behalf of the other for…that was concerning the dresses. So after this I am assuming that the local BM sent out an e-mail that could possible be seen as snarky for lack of a better word. So you asked another BM if the original tension between the local and east coast BMs was still there.Local BM found out you asked and got upset with you.
IF I got all of that right, I think that you should have just asked local BM if the tension was still there instead of asking another BM who may or may not have been aware that there WAS tension. Even though you meant well, you WERE talking about her behind her back. I voted for option 2.
Post # 9
SORRY! I’m a bit upset so I got things confused. JamaicaBride has it right.
And thanks for the help.
Post # 10
Why did the BM that you emailed tell LocalBM about your email? That’s what I don’t understand. I don’t think you were talking about her behind her back personally, you were trying to get some info, not saying something bad about her. I would have done the same to you because if you asked LocalBM directly, she likely would have gotten mad and it would have started a whole new level of drama. It seems like you were just trying to find out the situation so you asked a 3rd party who you thought could give you an opinion without causing more drama. If I were you, I’d be pissed at the 3rd BM that you emailed.