Post # 1
I’ve about had it with one of my bridesmaids. Her husband is also an usher and her one year old son is going to be an honorary ring bearer. At the beginning of our wedding planning, she informed me that she was going to be inviting her parents to come to the ceremony (they live 4 hours away) so they could watch her son, our ringbearer while she is standing up front with me. I was a little taken aback that she just told me they were being invited since we’ve only met them a few times (we don’t even like them) and I wasn’t really asked if it was ok. But I said it was fine that they could come to the ceremony even though her husband (the usher) could totally hold him during the ceremony since he won’t have duties at that time.
Fast forward to after our invites have been sent out and we’re starting to get RSVPs back where people have added their kids when they weren’t invited (that’s a whole nother issue…ugh). We were casually discussing wedding stress with my bridesmaid the other evening and she reminded me that its normal for people to do that and that she herself was adding two people to the RSVP (which she hasn’t returned yet) too. I responded by informing her that she was just having additional guests at the ceremony and not the reception (which would add extra cost and put us over our seating limit) so that was ok. She informed me that no, she had invited her parents to attend the reception too so they could watch her son.
I said there must have been some misunderstanding because everytime it was mentioned, I understood that her parents would attend the ceremony and then watch her son while we took pictures afterwards and then drop him off at the reception for dinner and a few dances. Then when he was ready for bed, they would return to pick him up and take him back to either my bridesmaids home or their hotel room. (I was really quite confused as to why her parents needed to perform theses babysitting duties since they were from out of town. I wondered why they couldn’t get a local babysitter…or…gasp….take care of the child themselves when it was his bedtime and be actual parents!)
Now she’s mad that her parents aren’t welcome at the reception and the next morning went behind my back to try to guilt my FH into allowing her parents at the reception. I’m so glad we’ve agreed to be a team on this because he responded that there just isn’t room and he’s sorry for the misunderstanding. We just can’t allow for any extra guests because I don’t have the space at the venue. And there are several friends that we haven’t been able to invite due to the space issue. I’d rather invite them first before I allow two people we didn’t and don’t want to invite to be at the wedding. Why should we have to pay for her babysitters to eat at our wedding reception when there is no reason for them to be there!?
Just frustrated and tired of dealing with the drama from this bridesmaid! This isn’t the first “stunt” she’s pulled. Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!
Post # 3
ouch sorry 🙁 That’s not cool.
Post # 4
*HUGS* I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Your remind her that it is your wedding and that it would not be fair to allow people she really does know to come while there are those who did who can’t. I would also tell her that you are at capacity and it was not nice to just invite people without consulting you.
Personally, if she had pulled other stunts I would have gotten rid of her a long time ago.
Just to be safe, have a seating chart and hostess at the door to stop those who did not RSVP or are not invited to not come in
Post # 5
Wow, maybe you should secrectly link her to here so she could see what it means to be a good BM, like not inviting your parents to someone else’s wedding?
Post # 6
Thanx girls! Wish I had discovered these boards before!
One month in to planning the wedding, her first stunt was to insist that I should allow the BMs to wear pink flip flops with their dresses for the ceremony. When I replied that I wanted them to wear black shoes with at least a slight heel she replied that she doesn’t wear heels. I told her that I don’t want flip flops on as they walk down the aisle of my FORMAL CHURCH WEDDING! She of course went behind my back then too not only to try to get my FH to convince me to have them wear flip flops but she also tried to get my other BMs to side with her too (which of course my other BMs said “NO WAY!”). So for the last 7 months I’ve had to hear her complain at every opporunity how hard it has been to find black shoes.
Post # 7
@lindyjo: black shoes are the easiest thing to find. Heck, even Wal-Mart has a huge selection of black dress shoes!!!! It’s the main staple in a wardrobe, I think! LOL!
Soooo sorry you’ve gotta deal with this.
Post # 8
Wow!! She sounds like a real pain in the ass!! Who just invites people to someone else’s wedding. Can’t her parents watch the kids at her place while they are at your wedding?? Weird.
Post # 9
I’m surprised you thought she meant her parents would only be at the ceremony. LOL When I was reading that, i thought she was going to invite her parents to the reception. Anyway, she seems like a pain. Its your wedding and you need to tell her that unless she’s chipping in to pay for the reception, then she needs to back off.
Post # 10
Don’t let this person ruin things for you. Stand your ground!
It just seems like she wants things to revolve around her and someone should remind her that it’s not the way things should be. I agree with the other comments, she has no right to invite people to your wedding. It seems downright disrespectful. If she just has 1 child, I don’t see the need for anyone to look after him. They could just graciously excuse themselves early if they really need him to be in bed by a certain time.
Hope things get better, this is not something you should be dealing with!
Post # 11
Im sorry your going throught this!! but it was better to be honest with her.. this too shall pass.. dont let this ruin things for you!!
Post # 12
I was also surprised to read that you thought her parents were only coming to the ceremony and not the reception. I don’t think she should have invited them to your wedding in the first place, but if you both had discussed it and you said it was ok, I can see why she assumed you meant you were inviting them to the whole “wedding,” that is, both ceremony and reception. I’ve never heard of people being invited to just one or the other, though it may be a regional thing.
We invited the parents of our MOH, best man, and another groomsman who is one of FI and my best friends, to the wedding. Nobody in our wedding party asked us to invite their parents, they’re just our best friends and we have good relationships with their parents. But if this woman, her husband, AND her child are all in your wedding, maybe she just thought her family was close enough with you that you wouldn’t be that offended for her to invite her parents.
However, she has no right to complain about shoes–especially black ones!
Post # 13
@Pomapoo: when we discussed it she said she’d have the at the ceremony solely to watch the child and they’d come to pick up the child when it was his bedtime. That’s why I was surprised she thought they were invited to the reception also. And we have invited some of our wedding party member’s parents and families but only because we’ve grown up with them and feel like they are second families to us. We’ve only met her parents twice when they’ve visited her and haven’t spent more than a few hours with them. Just stressed out from having to deal with all the drama.
Post # 15
Bridesmaid drama is the worst, im sorry :-/ What a selfish girl