(Closed) Bridesmaid drama…venting and asking for advice

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you need to take her to lunch or something and just tell her how you are feeling.  Tell her you would like the truth about what is going on.  I know that its not fun to have a BM that is excited for you.  I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this! Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this! I have a very similar situation…my “Maid of honor” was so excited for me when I first got engaged…then very shortly after she just started acting the same way your friend is.  She “gets sick” every time we have a bridesmaid outing and can’t make it…I went with all my girls to go look at dresses and I let them all pick one they all agreed on and since she wasn’t there, she didn’t get a say.  Well of course she went to get her dress and said that it’s “uncomfortable” and she hates it.  Same thing though, I see her enough and she NEVER asks how things with the wedding are.  And of course, when I confront her on ‘not caring’ she tries to make me feel guilty, saying she works to much and “can’t risk losing her job for my wedding”  Even though i’ve never really asked anything of her…just to show a little interest every now and then.

Sorry, I dont mean to talk about my issues, but I definitely feel like I can relate! I had to talk to her and tell her that she could continue to be in my wedding party, but she is not my maid of honor.  It wasn’t fair to have her as my moh when I had my other girls helping me in so many ways and she could care less. 

Unfortunately I know first hand that confronting the person and talking to them about it doesn’t always work. You can’t make someone care. The way I’m dealing with it now, is like you said…I’m just trying not to expect too much from her..or anyone and being grateful for those who are interested and helpful.  I unfortunately learned throughout this whole wedding planning process, who’s a true friend to me and who isn’t…and I hate to say but after my wedding’s over, I’m not sure if her and I will ever be friends like we used to. She has proved to me that she isn’t someone I can rely on and isn’t someone who will always be a true friend to me.  I feel whether it’s because she doesn’t care…or is jealous (my friend is recently married too, so i dont know why she’d be jealous, but people have been telling me they feel that’s what her problem is)..regardless a true friend isn’t someone who makes you feel this way when you’re the most excited you’ve ever been.  I just know personally, I dont want to deal with her lack of effort/happiness for me when I’m ready to have a baby or anything else major in my life.  So the only advice I really have for you now is to just deal with it..try not to let it bother you, and then in a few months when your wedding is over, evaluate your friendship with her.  Sorry again you have to deal with this! I completely understand!

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