Post # 1
Ok. I need to vent a little so please bear with me.
I have 6 BM and all but one have been absolutely fantastic! This 1 is making it very difficult for me to keep my calm and honestly it’s changing our friendship. When I asked her to be in the wedding she was excited and said she would be honored. Well, ever since then things have gone downhill. She hasn’t come to anything at all that I’ve invited the BM to, when she met us to try on the dress she flat out told me she hated it, I basically never get to talk to her and when I do she never asks anything about the wedding. Never asking how its going or anything at all. This wouldn’t be so bad if she hadn’t gotten married 14 months ago in which I was her co-maid of honor, handmade all her invites and guest book, helped plan and organize everything else and listened to all her wedding talk for months on end at the gym every day.
Her reason for all her behavior is that she is student teacher. Well, thats fine and all but I am a teacher and I know that it doesn’t consume your entire life. She has no kids and no other job to keep her busy either. She says she feels bad but then doesn’t seem to make any effort. I’ve asked if she REALLY wants to be in the wedding because I didn’t want her to feel obligated and she assures me she does. What so I do to keep from getting too upset? Even if she doesn’t come to anything it’d be nice to know she cares at all about whats going on. I’m 32 and honestly never thought this day would come and she of all people knows how excited I am. I’m trying really hard to just expect nothing but it’s very hard. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
Post # 3
I think you need to take her to lunch or something and just tell her how you are feeling. Tell her you would like the truth about what is going on. I know that its not fun to have a BM that is excited for you. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this! Good luck!
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re going through this! I have a very similar situation…my “Maid of honor” was so excited for me when I first got engaged…then very shortly after she just started acting the same way your friend is. She “gets sick” every time we have a bridesmaid outing and can’t make it…I went with all my girls to go look at dresses and I let them all pick one they all agreed on and since she wasn’t there, she didn’t get a say. Well of course she went to get her dress and said that it’s “uncomfortable” and she hates it. Same thing though, I see her enough and she NEVER asks how things with the wedding are. And of course, when I confront her on ‘not caring’ she tries to make me feel guilty, saying she works to much and “can’t risk losing her job for my wedding” Even though i’ve never really asked anything of her…just to show a little interest every now and then.
Sorry, I dont mean to talk about my issues, but I definitely feel like I can relate! I had to talk to her and tell her that she could continue to be in my wedding party, but she is not my maid of honor. It wasn’t fair to have her as my moh when I had my other girls helping me in so many ways and she could care less.
Unfortunately I know first hand that confronting the person and talking to them about it doesn’t always work. You can’t make someone care. The way I’m dealing with it now, is like you said…I’m just trying not to expect too much from her..or anyone and being grateful for those who are interested and helpful. I unfortunately learned throughout this whole wedding planning process, who’s a true friend to me and who isn’t…and I hate to say but after my wedding’s over, I’m not sure if her and I will ever be friends like we used to. She has proved to me that she isn’t someone I can rely on and isn’t someone who will always be a true friend to me. I feel whether it’s because she doesn’t care…or is jealous (my friend is recently married too, so i dont know why she’d be jealous, but people have been telling me they feel that’s what her problem is)..regardless a true friend isn’t someone who makes you feel this way when you’re the most excited you’ve ever been. I just know personally, I dont want to deal with her lack of effort/happiness for me when I’m ready to have a baby or anything else major in my life. So the only advice I really have for you now is to just deal with it..try not to let it bother you, and then in a few months when your wedding is over, evaluate your friendship with her. Sorry again you have to deal with this! I completely understand!