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I think it's very unlikely that the dress and shoes will be under $100. However, since she hasn't discussed money with you, maybe she is planning to cover the cost of them herself?
Unfortunately, yeah, the dress and shoes will almost definitely be more than $100. My girls found their Alfred Angelos online for $105, and that was a great price for a pretty low-end designer. And there's still alterations. Shoes could be almost any price, ranging from "wear what you want as long as it's [insert color/style preference]" in which case you could shop around and find them for $30 or less, to "you must wear these $60+ shoes or else." I've never been in a wedding that cost me less than $200, and that was getting off pretty easy.
Hopefully she's just planning on paying, but most don't. Maybe you could find some way to bring it up casually. Preferably in a situation where she can't see your face if it's horrendously expensive? ^_^ Good luck!
You need to talk to her. Maybe she is paying. She probably should be upfront, either way. Since she wasn't, you are perfectly appropriate to ask her what is going on.
I also believe that having dress and shoes under $100 is probably unlikely. I know it does happen. But I certainly wouldn't count on it. You said you're getting married in October. If you found dresses for your girls uner $100, good for you. I'm sure they'll apprecaite it. But don't expect that as the norm.
If you really only can budget $100 for attire (and keep in mind extras like hair, nails, makeup, bridal shower) you need to be upfront with her. If it's too much money you need to be prepared to turn down being a BM. And she needs to know ASAP.
It's very unlikely to get a dress and shoes for under $100. We order Bridesmaid dresses for my wedding last week and they were $112 which I thought was great! They are black so I told the girls to wear any black strappy shoes. Hopefully that will save them money.
I am a Bridesmaid in an October wedding. We ordered our dresses last weekend and they ended up being $255!! I almost fainted when they told me the price. You might let the Bride know you are trying to save for your dress and need to know how much it will cost. Good Luck!! 
I'd check in with her to get the cost estimate. It's unfortunately not that likely that the dress and shoes will come in under $100. I've been a few weddings and I've never spent less than $200. It is possible that she's thinking of covering the cost if she hasn't mentioned it yet.
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Yep I agree with everyone you need to ask her. Ans maybe yes she is paying for the dress that is why she hasn't told you, but that is not very common for brides I know, so yeah 100 for a dress is a steal. My dresses for my bm's were 135 with a small discount. Not including alterations. i would prepare to budget more for your bm expenses. Brides should be up front with costs with her bridesmaids no matter what, the dress is already picked out why wouldn't she share how much it would be?
Sorry to say, but $100 for dress AND shoes is probably not very realistic. But, if money concerns are an issue, you should really talk to her before the dresses get made. It could be an issue for all the BMs and maybe together you can help find something similar to what she wants, but is also budget friendly for you.
I agree with the others...definitely talk to her about your budget concerns! Being a bridesmaid can get costly, quickly. If you're close enough to be a BM, you're close enough to raise this concern to her attention.
Hope it goes well!
Update: So after reading ya'lls post I decided that $150 is the MAX I could do, whelp just found out that the dresses are $170, and yeah one would say thats only $20, but I really trying to save money and in my mind I need that $20 to go towards her wedding present or something else. Also, I can't get over the fact that $170 is the most I have ever spent on one article of clothing in my life, not to mention that I will never wear this dress again. Is it just me or is anything over $150 a little too much to ask for your BM dresses?
She should have asked you guys first, there is no absolute $$ amount that is "right". I asked all my girls before I decided, and supplemented the difference between what they thought was reasonable and the dress I liked the most (from their top 2-3). Your friend should have asked you guys what you could afford first!
My wedding is simple and small, but everything for the girls was still about $170
I personally would never ask anyone to pay over $100 for a dress. That's why I chose a color and let my maids pic their own dress. Some paid around $100, my sister got hers on clearance for $30.
That said, I have paid $175 for a hideous monstrosity that had to be rush ordered because the bride procrastinated. And I know lots of dresses can be in the $300-400 range.
I don't think $20 is worth backing out of the bridal party or causing a lot of drama.
If I was you, I would buy the dress and shoes.
Then give a small gift at the wedding. Something special and sentimental, but not necessarily expensive.
Once October passes, things will be a lot better for you (financially and stress-wise), and you can perhaps get them another gift- or get them a gift on their 1st anniversary.
I don't think the dress cost is that outrageous, and I don't think it's worth jeopardizing your friendship over. Just keep all this in mind for your BMs!
I think the cost is pretty average, or maybe lower than average. You will probably be able to resell your dress online if it's not too bridesmaidy to recoup some costs if you don't think you'll use it again. Let her know it's a lot for you and maybe she'll let you guys wear shoes you already own/choose your own.
I was a bridesmaid over the summer and the dress I ended up buying was about $130 or so... plus the place I ordered it from were incompetent and got it to me 2 sizes too big so I had to get it altered which cost another $100. Then the shoes were about $70 to buy. And of course the bride required that the shoes be a matching colour so I had to get them dyed purple for another $40-ish. So I spent a LOT more than $100 being a bridesmaid. But that might be the higher end.
I think that the cost is relatively reasonable. It would have been nice if she could have picked a less expensive dress, but I don't think that the $20 would be worth talking to her about. Maybe you could mention to her that you're trying to budget all of your expenses and wanted to see if you guys could wear your own shoes. I picked dresses that were on the expensive side, but told my girls to wear shoes that they already have.
Also, if you are close enough to be her bridesmaid, I think you are definitely close enough to get her a smaller, more sentimental gift without her being upset. Most brides understand how much it costs to be a bridesmaid. So maybe you could get her a photo album for her wedding gift. Or even better, get her two different albums- one for her shower and all of the pictures leading up to her wedding (any other parties, any shopping you two do together, the rehearsal, etc) and then a second album of a bunch of wedding pictures. Those types of gifts would mean a lot to her-- its not about the money!
I was lucky in that when my mom and future MIL went shopping for their outfits I happened to find exactly the dresses I was looking for on clearance for $108 at Dillards. I was so excited I called my one BM who lived in KC and she ran over, tried it on and looked great, so I picked up the other one for my MOH. There were only 2 left and they both happened to be the exact sizes that both of them needed. We just happened to be there at the right place and right time!
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You should definitely bring it up. She must know money is an issue for you right now and you have every right to know what you are going to be paying for your dress and shoes. I do have to warn you, though...the odds of buying a bridesmaid dress, getting it altered as needed, and purchasing shoes for $100 is going to be impossible. Good luck!
I've purchased five bridesmaid dresses for various weddings, and they ranged from $140-$270, and that price did not include alterations, shoes, or anything but the actual dress itself.
I think $170 for a dress is great. Most of the weddings i've been in the dresses were around $250-$300 but I must say that I have worn some beautiful gowns so I really didn't mind paying.
my goal is to keep the maids tab under 150. Since i found sale dresses i feel less bad about aking them to buy shoes!
$150 is getting away easy. I spent $300 on a black floor length number that unless I have some sort of formal gala to go to I won't be wearing it again any time soon.
I think it's pretty reasonable to be upfront with her. If you're tight with money, she needs to know. Perhaps there is a way to compromise on costs, like letting you wear shoes you might already have that would match the dress.
Sometimes brides get overwhelmed and may not be thinking clearly so I'm sure you talk to her, she'd try her best to meet you halfway. Afterall, your wedding is coming up and you definitely need to budget towards that.
see if you can get the manufacturer & style # and order it from netbride instead? that saved me $70 off the retail price of my bm's dresses.
My budget for every wedding I'm in is $300. My friends all know this and are totally ok with it. This includes all their gifts, too. I'm in a wedding and about pooped an egg when I found out they were $160. I've NEVER spent $160 on myself. Ok maybe a Coach purse. But never on a dress. Not even at Anthropologie or Banana Republic, where I just swoon on the dress racks. It breaks my heart to spend so much money on something I can never wear again! So i think it's FABULOUS when brides can find affordable alternatives. I want to know why the wedding industry doesn't make dresses super fabulous and gorgeous and why all the brides don't demand this! LoL.
That being said, my dresses were super cheap and a fall wedding I'm in is affordable--$89 for the dress and we can wear whatever black strappy shoes we want. This means she gets a much nicer gift than the bride who's dresses are more than half the budget. My friends are OK with this, so maybe just talk to your friend and say, "hey man i'm tight on cash and was wondering what your budget is for our dresses...i want to know what i need to save" and maybe she'll say "oh i wanna keep it under $150" so there's your answer. If not, ask her her colors and offer to find her affordable dresses. When my friend told me she wanted green and brown dresses, I think I sent her a million links for dresses around $50 that I thought were adorable. Not as fancy as she wanted, and she ended up picking out the ones we bought, but there are SO many dress companies out there, sometimes it's nice to have a helping hand.
If she picks a common maker like Bill Levkoff or something, you might be able to find a used one on Ebay. Often, they are much cheaper on those online discount stores and that whole "must be from the same fabric bolt" thing is bull hockey if you ask me. Good luck! I hear ya on the money thing. It's tough when you got your own wedding to pay for! I guess it's something to keep in mind when you pick YOURS out, lol
if its at a place where its being specially made, then def it wont be under $100.
with tha being said, I think its possible to get a bm dress for under $100 depending on the brides preference.
I'm getting married in June and my girls got their dresses for $39.
I knew financially it must be hard on everyone to purchase a dress for $150-$200, something that I would never spend money on for myself.
We looked at all the non traditional places like BR, Jcrew, Black and White, Target, etc.
and went into various random places in malls.
the dress ended up coming from Limited
and it was in the sales section so thats y the discounted rate!
http://misolee.blogspot.com/2009/03/bm-dresses.html
check pics out here.
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I am a BM in my friends wedding in June. As of right now she has just asked me to get my measurements and then she will give me the number to the dress shop.....yet no talk of money has come up. I feel akward asking how much they are going to be esp since she hasn't brought it up. I am budgeting to spend no more then $100 for the dress & shoes, and considering I'm paying for most of my own wedding in October money is tight. Since she hasn't talked about money, should I bring it up...I just feel akward doing so w/o her mentioning it first.
Since she is obviously getting the dresses made by a dresshop, how much should I expect do spend? Am I being unrealistic to think the dress will be under $100?