Post # 1
I am a BM in my friends wedding in June. As of right now she has just asked me to get my measurements and then she will give me the number to the dress shop…..yet no talk of money has come up. I feel akward asking how much they are going to be esp since she hasn’t brought it up. I am budgeting to spend no more then $100 for the dress & shoes, and considering I’m paying for most of my own wedding in October money is tight. Since she hasn’t talked about money, should I bring it up…I just feel akward doing so w/o her mentioning it first.
Since she is obviously getting the dresses made by a dresshop, how much should I expect do spend? Am I being unrealistic to think the dress will be under $100?
Post # 3
I think it’s very unlikely that the dress and shoes will be under $100. However, since she hasn’t discussed money with you, maybe she is planning to cover the cost of them herself?
Post # 4
Unfortunately, yeah, the dress and shoes will almost definitely be more than $100. My girls found their Alfred Angelos online for $105, and that was a great price for a pretty low-end designer. And there’s still alterations. Shoes could be almost any price, ranging from "wear what you want as long as it’s [insert color/style preference]" in which case you could shop around and find them for $30 or less, to "you must wear these $60+ shoes or else." I’ve never been in a wedding that cost me less than $200, and that was getting off pretty easy.
Hopefully she’s just planning on paying, but most don’t. Maybe you could find some way to bring it up casually. Preferably in a situation where she can’t see your face if it’s horrendously expensive? ^_^ Good luck!
Post # 5
You need to talk to her. Maybe she is paying. She probably should be upfront, either way. Since she wasn’t, you are perfectly appropriate to ask her what is going on.
I also believe that having dress and shoes under $100 is probably unlikely. I know it does happen. But I certainly wouldn’t count on it. You said you’re getting married in October. If you found dresses for your girls uner $100, good for you. I’m sure they’ll apprecaite it. But don’t expect that as the norm.
If you really only can budget $100 for attire (and keep in mind extras like hair, nails, makeup, bridal shower) you need to be upfront with her. If it’s too much money you need to be prepared to turn down being a BM. And she needs to know ASAP.
Post # 6
It’s very unlikely to get a dress and shoes for under $100. We order Bridesmaid dresses for my wedding last week and they were $112 which I thought was great! They are black so I told the girls to wear any black strappy shoes. Hopefully that will save them money.
I am a Bridesmaid in an October wedding. We ordered our dresses last weekend and they ended up being $255!! I almost fainted when they told me the price. You might let the Bride know you are trying to save for your dress and need to know how much it will cost. Good Luck!!
Post # 7
I’d check in with her to get the cost estimate. It’s unfortunately not that likely that the dress and shoes will come in under $100. I’ve been a few weddings and I’ve never spent less than $200. It is possible that she’s thinking of covering the cost if she hasn’t mentioned it yet.
Post # 8
Yep I agree with everyone you need to ask her. Ans maybe yes she is paying for the dress that is why she hasn’t told you, but that is not very common for brides I know, so yeah 100 for a dress is a steal. My dresses for my bm’s were 135 with a small discount. Not including alterations. i would prepare to budget more for your bm expenses. Brides should be up front with costs with her bridesmaids no matter what, the dress is already picked out why wouldn’t she share how much it would be?
Post # 9
Sorry to say, but $100 for dress AND shoes is probably not very realistic. But, if money concerns are an issue, you should really talk to her before the dresses get made. It could be an issue for all the BMs and maybe together you can help find something similar to what she wants, but is also budget friendly for you.
Post # 10
I agree with the others…definitely talk to her about your budget concerns! Being a bridesmaid can get costly, quickly. If you’re close enough to be a BM, you’re close enough to raise this concern to her attention.
Hope it goes well!
Post # 11
Update: So after reading ya’lls post I decided that $150 is the MAX I could do, whelp just found out that the dresses are $170, and yeah one would say thats only $20, but I really trying to save money and in my mind I need that $20 to go towards her wedding present or something else. Also, I can’t get over the fact that $170 is the most I have ever spent on one article of clothing in my life, not to mention that I will never wear this dress again. Is it just me or is anything over $150 a little too much to ask for your BM dresses?
Post # 12
She should have asked you guys first, there is no absolute $$ amount that is "right". I asked all my girls before I decided, and supplemented the difference between what they thought was reasonable and the dress I liked the most (from their top 2-3). Your friend should have asked you guys what you could afford first!
Post # 13
My wedding is simple and small, but everything for the girls was still about $170
Post # 14
I personally would never ask anyone to pay over $100 for a dress. That’s why I chose a color and let my maids pic their own dress. Some paid around $100, my sister got hers on clearance for $30.
That said, I have paid $175 for a hideous monstrosity that had to be rush ordered because the bride procrastinated. And I know lots of dresses can be in the $300-400 range.
I don’t think $20 is worth backing out of the bridal party or causing a lot of drama.
If I was you, I would buy the dress and shoes.
Then give a small gift at the wedding. Something special and sentimental, but not necessarily expensive.
Once October passes, things will be a lot better for you (financially and stress-wise), and you can perhaps get them another gift- or get them a gift on their 1st anniversary.
I don’t think the dress cost is that outrageous, and I don’t think it’s worth jeopardizing your friendship over. Just keep all this in mind for your BMs!
Post # 15
I think the cost is pretty average, or maybe lower than average. You will probably be able to resell your dress online if it’s not too bridesmaidy to recoup some costs if you don’t think you’ll use it again. Let her know it’s a lot for you and maybe she’ll let you guys wear shoes you already own/choose your own.
Post # 16
I was a bridesmaid over the summer and the dress I ended up buying was about $130 or so… plus the place I ordered it from were incompetent and got it to me 2 sizes too big so I had to get it altered which cost another $100. Then the shoes were about $70 to buy. And of course the bride required that the shoes be a matching colour so I had to get them dyed purple for another $40-ish. So I spent a LOT more than $100 being a bridesmaid. But that might be the higher end.