Post # 1
I have posted before about my FSIL and her choice of bridesmaid dress(she bought us $10 Walmart dresses). So I am her bridesmaid this year and she is mine next year.
As a recap, she bought the girls a$10 Walmart jersey dress for the Bridesmaids dresses. She is having a country club wedding and the dresses just didn’t fit. Her fiance finally talked to her and said the dresses were not appropriate so she went to Winners and bought (none of us were there, none of us tried them on) new Satin dresses that are nice but I know did not cost more then $40 each. Now let me reiterate, they are nice dresses, more appropriate but still not bridesmaid level dresses.
So I asked her last night what I owe her for the dress and she says “well I thought I would pay for yours and you would pay for mine”…I was like “WHAT????”.
She is paying 30-40 for her dresses, that we couldn’t try on, that she just bought us and then execting me to fork out a dress for her that will be at least double that???
She makes 4 times more then me…and is the cheapest person alive.
Do you bees think it is fair for her to say “I paid for yours, you pay for mine” when she is only paying 30-40 for mine but it will be around $100 dresses for my girls???
Post # 3
@missjewels: No, I would tell her that you are not planning on paying for your bridesmaids dresses so for her to please tell you how much you owe! It’s great that she wants to do things a certain way but you are also entitled to do things a certain way for your wedding day.
Post # 4
I dont think that its fair… I would say yes if they were in the same price range
Post # 5
How should I talk to her. She sucks at talking face to face. She is not personable at all and I hate confrontation. Can I send her a nice email just saying that I want all my girls to pay for their dresses so please tell me how much I owe and I will write her a cheque?
I was going to do these nice bridesmaids gifts and it buggers me up for my wedding if i fork out 50-70 for her dress and then have to fork out a bridesmaid thank you gift? The gift was going to be mani-pedi’s for the bridal party…so she would come and then what??? I pay for all the girls but her? She wouldn’t come if that was the case and it would defeat the whole “Thank You” to the bridesmaids.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
If she wants to pay for your dress, that’s her choice, but it is expected in America that BMs pay for their own dresses, and I’d make her aware immediately that she will have to pay for her dress for your wedding. If she wants you to pay for your dress for her wedding,fine, but the two should have nothing to do with each other.
Post # 7
Really? It’s a $40 – $50 difference. It’s not worth ruining your relationship with your FSIL. Trust me. And if it’s that big a deal in YOUR budget, she should understand that you gave her the dress in lieu of her thank you gift.
Also, the “I hate confrontation” thing is just annoying. First of all, it’s a conversation, should you choose to have it and shouldn’t BE confrontational. Second of all, you’re a grown up, about to get married. Grow a backbone. Sometimes you have to do things that make you uncomfortable. Think about what you’re going to tell your future children. i.e. “just because you don’t feel like it doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it.”
You are going to have this woman in your life for the rest of your life (hopefully), you should decide if this is important enough to be worth talking to her about. And if it is how to tactfully have a conversation with her about it. You are going to be having kids that related to eachother. Cousins that are going to play together, spend holidays together, etc. Don’t let too much drama creep into this early stage of your lives together.
That’s my opinion, anyway.
Post # 8
In the U.K the brides always pay for the BM’s dresses so here you’d be stuck with your FSIL suggestion (though it would be a bit unfair!) I always thought that in the States the BM’s always pay for their own dresses so it is even more unfair of her to switch rules after buying them!
It always sounds like the dress buying is a potential minefield. All I can suggest is that you tell her you would prefer to stick to the usual rules – I would tell her asap though rather than let this matter hang over you. This kind of thing can escalate into lots of misunderstandings and if you are both on different pages re. dress buying, you need to both sort it out as quickly as you can.