Post # 1
This past weekend was our Bridesmaid Dress search. I can tell you that my bridesmaids are great, it’s dealing with my mom that isn’t. From seeing other moms at dress shops and my own experience, it seems like moms seem to think it’s their day. Does anyone else have the same experience with a Mom-zilla or do you seem to find your wedding to be a great bonding experience?
I’ve dealt with my mother saying I look fat in wedding dresses, to saying my color palettes should change to X to saying that my taste is horrendous.
I’m glad i picked out my gown with my friends rather than my mom; especially after my first try with her met with less than great confidence.
So since she nagged to come to the Bridesmaid dress search, I had her come along. While (thank goodness) she didn’t call my bridesmaids fat, she did put in her two cents… and not in a good way. It wasn’t a constructive criticism or a maybe “you should try this” or any sort of support. It was, “You need to pick this dress length, this dress and this dress color”. I finally had it and said, “Listen, it’s my wedding and I’m going to pick the bridesmaid dress that I think is best.”
I thought to myself,”Maybe I just came across as a bitch in front of my bridesmaids and the whole dress shop, but whatever. She’s being really demanding.”
Am I out of line? I don’t mind her thoughts, but it was like she was making the final decision.
Here is the dress. I loved it because it was glamorous, it worked on the body of all my girls and everyone seemed to like the dress.
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re out of line. There were a few times my mom and my MIL tried to make strong suggestions to my husband and I during our planning, and we just said, “No, this is how we’re doing it”. MIL was bitter and held a grudge, but my mom was reasonable and realized it’s our wedding, not hers. I think if I had given in, I would have been disappointed and not enjoyed my wedding the way I wanted to. It’s your wedding, your bridesmaids, and your mom doesn’t have to wear the dress.
If you’re really worried about how it looked to your wedding party, just discuss it with them later. Say something like, “I’m sorry if I came off as rude or harsh, but my mom has been doing _____.” I’m sure they’ll understand.
ETA: Beautiful BM dress by the way!
Post # 4
I can say that I had a mom-zilla when I was getting married too. There are going to be times when you have to pick and choose your battles. Things that don’t matter, give in to and other things (like the color and style of your bridesmaid dresses), fight for.
My mom also thought that it was her day too, and really made the day about what she wanted for her daughter and not what I wanted. There weren’t a lot of things that I cared about, so I just went with the flow for a lot of decisions, but there were things that I put my foot down for. My dress and my bridemaid dresses were some of those things.
I’m sorry that you’ve had to endure her comments and listen to her call you fat in wedding dresses. No one should ever have to go through something like that. The best thing I can say is to try to let her comments roll off of your back and don’t let them bother you. She’s trying to get a reaction out of you so that you’ll choose what she wants you to choose. Just stick to your guns and fight the battles worth fighting.
Post # 5
@2PeasinaPod: Thanks for the support everyone! It’s good to know I’m not the only one with a crazy mom. I’ll just try to ignore and appease her when I can.
Post # 6
@Brianalaura: Thanks! One of my bridesmaids commented after the fact to me about my mom. She didn’t think I was out of line. I’m not sure if I should say anything to the other two. I didn’t want to come across as a bitch, but really she was being a mom-zilla. I just really wish my mom could be their and supportive, not nagging and condescending. Just kind of a dissapointment. 🙁
Post # 7
@posh_princess: You’re definitely not alone! I would talk to your other bridesmaids just to let them know that your mom was being overbearing earlier and not to take too much offense to it. Who knows, they might find that tip useful when trying to plan other events for you as well, so you might be doing them all a favor by warning them!