Post # 1
So I’m pretty sure I might catch some hell for this post, but I’m at my wit’s end and don’t know what to do, so here goes…
I had originally decided on having my maids in four different dresses and fell in love with the Joanna August Ceremony collection. All of my maids loved the line and the dresses. So the problem is two maids love the same dress and then my MOH loves a dress that I just know isn’t going to flatter her figure at all.
The two maids loving the same dress is kind of solved – one BM came down to visit me (DC to Houston) for the sole purpose of trying on dresses and picking something, and the other BM (who lives here and knew about the shopping trip for 3 months) blew us off that weekend. So I made the executive decision that the girl who cared enough to participate (and at great cost) got the dress and the other would have to pick something else. Which of course has caused major pouting, even though I have offered to help her pay for the dress that she doesn’t really like because I do feel bad she’s not getting the dress she likes.
Now as far as the MOH issue – how in the world am I supposed to handle telling her that I just don’t think she will look good in that dress? Ugh – I feel like a complete and utter a**hole even thinking it. One solution I thought of was to keep looking for dresses, and I have actually found something else I like as much (or maybe more) – the Jenny Yoo Aidan. It will still give the visual of having different dresses, but they won’t be completely different, which the more I look at the four original dresses, the more I worry it’s going to look helter skelter. Problem there is now the MOH thinks that I’m looking at new dresses because the local BM is pouting and has taken the stance of “well what if I don’t like it? I’ve been here for you for all the planning and I want to wear the dress I originally picked.” The real reason I’m looking at new dresses is more because of her dress choice rather than the pouting BM.
I know I’m a terrible, aweful friend for even thinking this way (and believe me, I LOVE my MOH – I’ve known her since we were 6 years old and we’ve been through practically everything together). Is there anyway that I can gently steer my MOH away from the original dress she wants without EVER having to mention that I think it would be a terrible option for her? She hasn’t tried it on because the store sample was too small – she saw in on the long distance maid and decided she loved it and it was “hers”… I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place! Help!!
Post # 3
I don’t really know what you could even do at this point, you picked the dresses knowing who your bridesmaids were so you should have known that your MOH wouldn’t look good in one or more of the dresses but you still let them pick which ones they wanted? If you want the “new” dress/es, I would say to tell the girls you just decided you wanted a different color (and, obviously, order the new dresses in an entirely new color) AND I think you should buy them for all the girls AND pay for the dresses they already bought. They will probably still be pouty but at least they aren’t negatively impacted financially, and paying for the dresses the girls already bought won’t leave the other bridesmaids feeling like they bought a dress for nothing while the MOH didn’t have to buy anything.
Post # 4
@tigergrrl2008: Can we see the dress? Assuming it’s not inappropriate in some way (like leaning towards slutty) I don’t see why you wouldn’t let your MOH wear the dress she wants. Presumably she knows her only body better than anyone else but even if she’ll hellbent on wearing a less flattering dress, it won’t affect you in any way. It sounds like you really love your MOH and that you picked her to be in your wedding party to have her support, not to be a prop in photos. Don’t stress on this detail, I guarantee it won’t matter to you in the long run. I think this one falls squarely in the “let it go” pile. Oh, and sometimes a good pair of spanx can make an unforgiving dress look great anyway 😉 Good luck!!
Post # 5
@tigergrrl2008: It doesn’t sound like your being an ass about anything. Just concerned for your MOH.
Has she tried the dress? Once on she might think it isn’t suited best for her body style.
And as for the BM situation, I actually like how you handled that. If the one was suppose to go for the shopping trip and didn’t she loses out!
Post # 6
Some people LOVE unflattering dresses! Unless it’s obscene (like her breasts are LITERALLY falling out), I’d let her have it and move on!
Post # 7
As for the BMs liking the same dress, I guess I don’t understand why they can’t both wear the same dress- they both like it. It might also make the BMs look less “helter skelter.” In fact, if the 3rd BM also likes that dress, then have the 3 BMs wear the dress and have the MOH wear the dress she likes (MOH are often is a different dress than the BMs anyway). In terms of your MOH as long as the dress isn’t completely scandalous, then I would let her wear it. What’s important isn’t how you think she looks in the dress- if she feels beautiful in it, then she should wear it.
Post # 8
Don’t overcontrol your BM looks. Let the two get the dress they want even though it’s the same and let the MOH get the unflattering one. It’s totally unfair to let some choose and not others, particularly due to body-type or an arbitrary display of “commitment.” You’re being unreasonable. Everyone only cares about your dress, and making dumb rules about what the others can and can’t wear within a collection will not make your day any more special. It will make you a nasty bride.
Post # 9
Maybe take a picture of her in the dress to show her? But really, if she thinks she looks good in it, I don’t really know if it’s your “place” to tell her she doesn’t look good in it. It may surprise you and it may look good on her, OR she may try it on and realize it doesn’t look that great. If you can’t try on the actual dress she is looking at, suggest going to try on “like” styles and see if it something she really wants. She may get it on and not like it. Trying on like styles is your only way to go.
The bottom line is this: If you don’t want her in the dress, then I guess it’s your prerogative to tell her–but expect the backlash. Offer her a different dress you think would flatter her–talk up her positive attributes. Does she have a tiny waist? A nice behind? Long legs to show off, etc. Stuff like that so when you’re making the comment it won’t look very good, you aren’t so much insulting her as wanting her to look her best with something that flatters her body. If the dress is unflattering in an inappropriate way, then tell her so and mention that you don’t want too much skin showing, a dress that hugging, etc.
On the other part you posted, it seems you were giving your bridesmaids a choice…until two liked the same dress…Why not just have them all in that dress then? Taking it from one to give to the other is not going to help matters. You’ve kind of started a bit of a mess for yourself, haha. Either you are going to choose what they wear or you aren’t–you can’t be doing both and you can’t be unhappy when the decisions fall together accordingly. I had a friend who was going to let us choose, but then she vetoed every dress me and her other bridesmaids showed her until she finally “guided” us towards what she wanted–basically, she wanted us to feel as if we were choosing our own dresses so she would appear more relaxed and we wouldn’t resent her, but in the end just couldn’t do it.