Weddingbee boards

So...some of you might remember that there were some issues with one of my bridesmaids - my FSIL who is a third year college student and didn't think she oculd make the Friday wedding.

Rather than actually TALK to me, or to her brother, about her concerns - she called their Dad and had him call my fiance AGAIN about her "issues" with the wedding being on a school day.  I'm sitting downstairs listening to him and basically just realized that she is dropping out because "trying to be there is too stressful" - I feel like this was a fairly easy logistical issue that could have been worked out, but his Dad isn't being supportive of making it work.  Being a Daddy's girl, she does whatever he tells her to.

We have some issues with his Dad - He has never been all that kind to me.  His sister is a sweet kid (she's 19) and I chose her because I knew it would make her feel special.  Now that she is backing out, I'm genuinely just sad.  I don't have anyone else I wanted, I didn't have a backup plan... 

He deliberately asked more guys to accomodate her being on my side - And really, that isn't even my issue.  I'm so sad that I get treated like this (as does my fiance) by his Dad.  I heard him tell him "no feelings hurt, no worries" while I'm sitting her crying in my living room.  I get that he is saving face because that is who he is, but I'm so sad!

This was also about having the opportunity to get to know her better and spend time with her - so part of me is also feeling a little rejected, to be honest. 

Also, based on past issues - I'm 90% positive that this was his Dad's doing, not his sisters.  He has a lot of influence on her and I'm certain that he wasn't sitting there calmly explaining the situation to her, working with her on ways around it, etc - He already asked us to change our wedding date regardless of whether or not she's in it because Friday wasn't a good day for them.

I want to give people the benefit of the doubt as much as the next person - but pleaseeee don't say I need to cut the Dad some slack - He deserves none based on some of the other things he has done in the past to us, including at one point telling my fiance that he wanted to "punch him in the face" when he found out we had bought a house together before we got married and responding to our engagement by saying "Whatever makes you happy."

I'v never felt accepted or supported, and its just really sad for me.

She definitely should've called you! Your wedding isn't until October! How does she know she'll even have a Friday class next semester?? It all sounds a little odd to me, especially since no one took the time to talk to you or tell you themself! I'm sorry, girl :( I would be hurt too!

Thank you everyone who responded...

This situation with his little sister 'dropping out' turned into quite the learning experience for me.  After the tears were done and the hurt feelings were put aside, my fiance sat me down and admitted that he too believes his Dad is behind all of this.  The good thing that came out of the bad situation was that we were finally able to openly communicate our issues regarding his Dad in particular.

As for the FSIL, he ended up calling his Dad back and telling him that she needs to call ME directly and tell me that she is dropping out of the wedding, not call Daddy and not call Brother.  This was Saturday afternoon and so far, I haven't heard from her yet. 

When she DOES call, I plan to tell her that while I am hurt, the most important thing to me is that because we will be sisters from this point forward, I would hope she would feel comfortable enough to call me and talk - whether or not it was a touchy situation, if she was in trouble and needed advice, whatever.  I want more than anything a relationship with her, not with his Dad - so I am hoping that since I'm leaving the Dad out of it, she will be alright.

Okay - Now it gets better.  She was totally home from school this weekend since it was a three-day holiday.  That means that instead of calling herself (meaning she was totally close enough to home to have done this in person like an adult, too) she was AT HOME and had Daddy call her brother. 

Just like I thought.  Daddy's Little Girl - influenced by Dad.  Classy.

Wow! SO immature. I know you want a relationship with her and would love to have her in the wedding, but it sounds to me like  she would  just cause stress for you by being in the wedding! Maybe it's a good thing that she dropped out....

I know exactly how you feel. I asked my FSIL to be a bridesmaid and she said no. I mean she had good excuses and she offered to help out at the wedding, but I felt rejected never the less. Well, I hope she can at least show up to your wedding ceremony or at least the reception. Good luck and congrats!

Thanks guys for the support!  We are now on fours days later and she still hasn't called me.  If this were not a future in law - I would be on the phone giving her the TOTAL 'what for' right now, but I'm trying hard to let her come to me about this...  because really, it's her responsibility to act like an adult.  Gotta learn sometime.

@moderndaisy - You know, your story is funny because I knew going into this that she wasn't going to be ultra-involved.  I completely agree that at 19 she is too self-centered to care about my wedding the way I do and I don't really fault her for that.  What I wanted was to honor her by having her there on the wedding day and there was a big part of me that chose her as a way of handing the olive branch to my inlaws on that side (you can see how well THAT worked!).  I didn't expect much of anything other than to show up for the rehearsal and the event.

@moneypenny02 - Yeah, I don't know any third year students who are that worried about it either.  Its called wait until registration, choose classes that conflict as little as possible, and email your profs BEFORE classes start with your situation???  As I said, I think this was a case of her having a conversation with negative nelly parents about being concerned and they took it upon themselves to SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF HER so she would drop and they wouldn't be on the hook for anything or be required to come to the rehearsal dinner.

@monitajb - Thank you for the mental effing.  :)  I do think she will get better, which is totally why she gets the benefit of the doubt in this, but FFIL is just a jerk.  Guess I had better get used to it.