Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids told me a month before the wedding that they can’t be there. We have (had) 5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids. I want to ask a friend if she will be a bridesmaid but I’m not sure if I should or not. Here are the details:
We have become much better friends in the years since I got engaged. It would have been weird to ask her when I first got engaged because we didn’t know each other that well but I feel like now it wouldn’t be so weird because we now work together and have gotten to know each other much better.
Her husband is a groomsman. I know if I was in her place, I would love to be in the wedding party because then I could be a part of everything with my husband and sit at the head table with him.
She knows 3 of the other bridesmaids pretty well and they all get along great and have fun together.
Do you think she would be offended if I asked her so last minute? I don’t think she expected or was disappointed not to be asked in the first place, but I don’t want to put an awkward situation on our friendship by asking her now and risking her being offended for whatever reason (some girls are sensitive about things like this – I don’t mean that in a bad way – although I have never gotten the impression that she is like that).
What do you think? I would rather have 5 bridesmaids than have 5 groomsman and 4 bridesmaids.
Post # 3
@laceysanty: Tough one. Would it be easy to get a dress for her? Not sure if yours are matching, if the BM who dropped out would “donate” hers, etc.
If I were this potential bridesmaid, given the situation, I would not be offended. If you decide to ask her though, I might tactfully explain how you felt you’ve gotten closer with her before outright asking.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@laceysanty: Please don’t ask for a friend to be a BM weeks before your wedding. It happened to me (I was asked to fill in for a BM) and I was not only embarassed, it hurt my feelings that “missed the cut” by one person. Plus, the stress of trying to find a dress, shoes, etc… and get involved with planning at that late in the game would be a nightmare.
I was dispapointed to not be asked but I dealt with it so when she asked me later I felt like a backup that she needed to fill out numbers and balance pictures rather than a friend she truly wanted to be part of her day.
Post # 5
Thanks for responding! Yes, I can get the dress back from the other bridesmaid and luckily they are the same size. That’s a good point, I’ll be sure to say that if I ask her.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I just saw that her husband is a GM. If you can be responsible for figuring out the details to get her dress and stuff, I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all.
Post # 7
you could always do the “well you never answered me if you would be a bridesmaid or not, we plan on doing this if you are we need your imput”….make it sound like you asked here and she just never answered yuo back…sneeky but if you really have to…thats the only way i wouldnt say ” miss X backed out and i want you to fill her spot”…i dont think thats nice, like what anoter Bee said…”i didnt make the cut” its not good to feel like you were almost good enough so saying ig like “you never answered me” i would think would be a little bit nicer…
Post # 8
i have one less bridesmaid than my FI has groomsman, that’s just the way it is. so many people have uneven bridal parties these days. it isn’t a big deal.
will this new bridesmaid feel like a last minute add?
will this new bridesmaid have time to order a dress?
Post # 9
I had back up bridesmaids (a bm was due 2 days after the wedding) and the back up was happy to do it. I say go ahead and ask her.
Post # 10
I was asked to be a bridesmaid when one dropped out of my friend’s wedding, and I wasn’t offended at all. I was just excited to be a part of it. My then-fiance was the best man, so that made me even more excited.
Post # 11
@laceysanty: Definitely ask her! (and pair her with her husband). She’ll be under no illusions that she’s anything other than a backup, but since she’s a recent friend and the wife of a GM, I can’t imagine her being offended at not being asked in the first place.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2014 - Philadelphia, PA
@laceysanty: I think you should ask her too. Since her husband is already in the bridal party and she’s the same dress size as the bridesmaid that dropped off, she will hopefully accept!
Post # 13
I asked someone to join my bridal party after a similar situation. Her husband was already in the wedding and she happily joined. We became closer through wedding planning and I’m glad she said yes =)! I say go for it
Post # 14
@laceysanty: I was a “replacement”. And I totally understod. Her feelings should not be hurt especially considering your situation. I would ask.. JMO
Post # 15
@laceysanty: There’s no harm in asking., start by acknowledging the actual situation here, and that you realize its very last minute and give her an out to politely decline if she chooses. There’s nothing wrong with having an eneven party though.
Post # 16
Definitely think this is OK to do! Just try to relieve some of the shoes/accessories/dress stress she might have.