Post # 1
One of my 3 bridemaids called me this weekend and told me that she no longer wanted to be apart of my wedding … that is 3 months away. I’ve been engaged for almost 9 months, so I can’t for the life of me figure out why she would wait so long to tell me she didn’t want to be in it. I think her reason for dropping out is lame, but I’m not one to hold a grudge so I hold no ill will toward her and told her fine if that’s what she wants then OK. I’m not interested in convincing someone to be apart of my day.
That being said I now have a problem. My bridal party is now uneven. 3 boys and 2 girls. I’ve always been a symmetry kind of person and I want even numbers on both sides. So, here is my question: I have a friend that I was hemming and hawwing about asking to be a bridesmaid waayyy back when I first got engaged. I was in her wedding and we’ve been friends for a while, but she’s been having marital problems and I wasn’t sure if she would be a good fit personality wise with the other girls in the party. In the end I asked her to be a reader during the wedding. Would it be “tacky” if I asked her to be a ‘maid now, this late in the game? I know that she initally thought that I would ask her and when I didn’t I’m sure she was surprised and maybe even a little hurt.
So, what do you think? Should I ask her to move up from reader to bridesmaid to fill the empty slot, should I find someone totally different, or should I just leave it uneven?
My up until now my wedding planning has been so calm and drama-free … and now this! Good gravy!!!
Post # 3
You might get a lot of differing opinions on this. Personally, I would leave the sides uneven. 3 guys and 2 girls is really not that big of a deal. I would be kind of hurt if I was your reader friend and knew that I was just being asked as a “fill-in”.
BUT! You know her better than we do, so if you know she won’t take it to heart then of course you can ask her!
Post # 4
I would approach your friend who is doing the reading and explain the situation to her. Let her make the choice on if she wants to be a bridesmaid or not. I think it’s key with how you bring it up to her and how you explain everything. Apologize for waiting so long, and let her know that if she doesn’t want to be a BM, there will also be no hard feelings. Be prepared for her to say no. She might feel slighted that she wasn’t asked originally.
I think that approaching her in the right way may make her see that you are sort of in a pinch and she’d be happy to do it, but again, just be prepared for her to say no if she feels like she was on the bridesmaid B list.
Post # 5
@sidwuzhere: I think if it were me I would either leave it uneven or find someone totally different from your friend that is doing the reading. If I were that friend I think I would feel kind of second rate if you were to ask me this late in the game and only after your first selection had decided to drop out.
Post # 6
Augh… I feel your pain. I’ve had a bridesmaid drop out AND my maid of honor 😛 And the MOH’s reason was ridiculous. Honestly, I just asked someone else. If you have someone you can ask – do it. They’ll be honored and your numbers will match 🙂
Post # 7
If you want your reader to be a bridesmaid, then ask her. If you really don’t actually want to have her as a bridesmaid you have the two options: ask someone else, or leave it uneven.
Is there anyone else that you can automatically say you want to have as a bridesmaid? Or maybe a family member? There is nothing wrong with having uneven numbers either.
Also…I think if you want to ask your reader, I doubt she’ll feel like she’s “second rate.” I had a bridesmaid drop unceremoniously out of my wedding (dragged it out of her on gchat…that was fun) and I asked another friend to be a bridesmaid, and she was SO happy.
Post # 8
Keep it uneven. No one wants to be a b-list bridesmaid.
Post # 9
Weddings aren’t about even numbers, they are about standing up with the most important people in the world to you. If they weren’t important enough to be a first round pick, you shouldn’t be adding them now. Move beyond the matchy-matchy vision and think about what the meaning of the day really is!
Post # 10
Do you or your FI have a younger cousin/niece who would like to be a “junior bridesmaid”? I feel like if that would be possible, it might be a good option–your friend who is doing the reading won’t feel like a second choice, you’ll be involving more family (which is always a good thing), and you’ll probably make the girl really happy since she’ll be so excited about getting dressed up and wearing a pretty outfit as part of your special day.
Another option may be to ask the wife/gf of one of the groomsmen if you are close to one of them. It’s a great way to get both members of the couple involved and you might find that you guys have another couple to hang out and go on double dates with.
I had a BM drop out too (and if you read up on the topic on WB, it happens a LOT) and I think it’s great that you’re taking it so well and staying friends with the former BM. Good for you for not being a bridezilla! Whatever you decide to do, I’m sure your wedding will be wonderful 🙂
Post # 11
You know – there are 2 ways to look at the “asking the reader” option.
#1 She could feel that shes a last minute addition and a be a little put off
#2 She would be excited. And if you didn’t ask her she’d be hurt that you didn’t ask her to fill that slot. She might’ve originally thought you didn’t ask her in order to keep the #’s even (u know like – you didn’t want a 4th bm to only 3 gm). But now that it’s 2 to 3 she might understand that you can now fit her in. If you do decide to ask her I would explain it this way. That you originally didn’t have room for her in the wedding party, but now you do and would LOVE for her to stand up with you. And still do the reading.
I say talk to her about it and feel it out. Explain to her that you really don’t want her to be hurt and that you would’ve kliekd there with you all along and this way it kinda works out.
Post # 12
I agree with @2PeasinaPod… How you present it to her is key… If I were in your readers shoes and you came up to me and explained what had happened and that you had originally wanted to ask me but did not want me to feel pressured because of what was going on in my personal life – I would be totally honored.
I had a co-worker this happened to and she asked me to be in the wedding by explaining what had happened – I was totally willing to help in a pinch. Of course, I did not know her when she got engaged and picker her maids, but still, I wasn’t put off by it.
Post # 13
I had the same thing happen to me and we are leaving it uneven. The best man will stand up with my FI and the officiant, then it won’t be uneven.
Post # 14
I had a bridesmaid decline when we first asked our bridal party to be in our bridal party. She actually was a MOH in another wedding out of state on the same day. I decided to keep things uneven and I am happy with my decision! I think it is not uncommon to have an uneven bridal party and it won’t look terrible.
That being said, I wouldn’t ask the reader friend to be BM. I think she’ll definitely be hurt. If you ask someone new, it will definitely be awkward and she’ll wonder why she was asked so late.
I would keep it uneven! 🙂 The only thing that matters is your fav girls are up there with you standing by your side. It doesn’t matter if there is the same amount as your FI’s side!