Post # 1
Just wondering if anyone here would consider it a friendship ending move if one of your bridesmaids dropped out of your wedding (of course this does include a massive life event like death or illness). I mean stupid reasons as she does not like the process of ordering the dress and then comes up with random excuses as to why she should drop out that make no sense at all. I put so much care and thought into selecting my bridesmaid dresses. I asked budget and followed it. They all said to get whatever color or style I liked and they would wear it. Well I searched for about 3 months and then when I found my wedding dress, I found very nice dresses well under the budget. (Everyone’s budget was to keep it under $200). I thought the way I set it up for everyone was very nice. All my bridesmaids are very busy and live hours away from me. One even lives in a different state.
Well the shop where the dresses are being bought just took the names of all my bridesmaids, set up the account, and e-mailed them all a size chart to follow for that particular dress designer and style number. All they have to do is get measured, call in their measurements, and order their dress. I truly thought this was a good process because it would of been impossible for us to all look at dresses together and all that stuff. Well ever since then the bridesmaid that recently dropped out has complained about everything.
She does not like the fact that did not get to see the dress ( this was after everyone said whatever I picked was fine) and she did not like the ordering process. I told her I would help however I could and of course the complaints just kept on coming. She made jabs at everything that invovled my wedding from the dress I selected (I showed her pictures), to the makeup artist I got that I was paying for and made it optional, to just about everything. She even made rude comments about my size (said I was too petite to ever get pregnant or carry a baby full term). Just all around mean. My FI wanted me to ask her to step down but I considered that a friendship ending move. I thought maybe she just had personal stuff going on and was treating everyone like crap. I would try to reach out but she would barely discuss things with me, just complain.
Finally, the last straw was when she decided the WEEK it was time to order dresses she wanted to drive to the bridal shop where they are getting their dresses which is 2 hours away from her. I told her she could do whatever she wanted. Well she up and decides she wants me to ride with her. I was out of town visiting my mother three hours away and she sprung it on me last minute. I told her I was sorry, but I did not know she was planning to go at that time,but I would help her with whatever she needed to get her dress ordered. Well she makes a few snide comments, and then three hours later messages me over facebook that she wants to drop out of my wedding due to financial strain and she might have a new job by the time my wedding rolls around. I just felt like she was making up stuff because she was not getting her way and was not allowing her to bully me anymore.
I am sorry this is so long but I am incredibly hurt by this girl’s behavior. She said we could still be friends, but I do not see how a friendship continues on from this. Any thoughts or advice?
Post # 3
@Candy13: dropping out of your wedding isn’t a friendship ending move. Some people just don’t want to be in a wedding.. and that’s fine. But treating you this way, SAYING those awful things (especially about carrying a pregnancy full term..what the hell?) is a good reason to end a friendship. She sounds like an awful, horrible person, and I don’t think you should waste any more time or energy on her.
Post # 4
How magnanimous of her! She was a jerk, she made nasty comments, she dropped out of your wedding… But SHE’S still willing to be friends?
Was she like that before the wedding? If she wasn’t, I’d be willing to try to be friends again post-wedding. But if mean/snarky comments are something she does regularly, no way! Not worth your time.
Post # 5
Drop her, if she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid fine but she doesn’t sound like a good friend regardless.
Post # 7
omg this happened to me!!! i’d say good ridence! i had a good friend drop out of my wedding. it started w/ the bachelorette party, her fiance didnt want her to go so she ended up not going, then she was like wow make up and hair is so expensive when i found basically the cheapest rate for my area (my other bm’s backed me up). i offered to make it optional.
then last straw was about 3 months before my wedding she said she may not be able to come because she’s up for a promotion and the event she would be heading up is the weekend of my wedding. she would not know till 3 weeks before my wedding if she could make it. i was like wtf, and basically thought to myself this is BS. I work in marketing, I run the booth at our conferences and I know for a fact you can’t throw someone in there 3 weeks prior. MONTHS of planning go into the conferences and we’re just exhibiting, not hosting it!! so basically I felt she was making excuses not to come because of her fiance, whom I already didnt like because of my bachelorette trip incident.
so I told her i couldn’t put my wedding plans on hold for her and she’s no longer in the wedding. i asked for her BM dress and sent her a check for it. i made another friend of my a BM. I’ve not spoken to the fired BM since, new BM and I are closer than ever after our wedding, I even had her and her husband come to thailand w/ us! she was super helpful w/ wedding details and hand burned wood excort card holders for me day of even though i told her at that point it’s okay they dont need hearts on them!!! that’s dedication!
basically you can’t force someone to be in your wedding and you want good memories, you want to look at those pictures 20 years later and know those pple in there are still your friends, and you still talk to them.
firing her was the best decision i made…my wedding day went perfectly. you dont want someone to be a drag on your wedding day and complaining and she sounds like she will!
Post # 8
She had always had a strong personality before I got engaged such as stating her opinion and being saracastic but it is like it went into overdrive when I asked her to be a bridesmaid. It is like if she could not have her way or me do exactly as she wanted she just was not going to participate anymore.
Post # 9
Honestly it depends on why she drops out if its friendship ending. Her whole attitute with you has been rude and not supportive of helping you have the day you want. Its amazing how people you thought were your friends behave sometimes. You absolutelly do not need this stress she is causing you.
I don’t think it would be friendship ending if someone said listen, I really wish I could be in your wedding but xyz happened so I am no longer able to. However I can’t wait to support you and celebrate your wedding with you as a guest. But dropping out over Facebook? Are you kidding me? I would not want to speak to her again.
The woman I thought was my best friend said she couldn’t be in my wedding because she might be going camping that weekend and didn’t want to make a committment to being there for our wedding. That was friendship ending. Its incredibly painful but you will be better off and have a smoother day in the end.
Post # 10
So sorry youve had to go through this! I’ve actually had two bridesmaids drop out of my wedding. Both were completely different situations and were also handled very different. The bridesmaid that sat down, talked to me, and truly explained that she would always be there for me whether she was in the wedding or not us still one of my dearest friends. On the other hand, the bridesmaid that acted like yours (rude, gave excuses, insensitive) I have no intentions on talking to! I think the way your BM treated you is total justification on ending a friendship! A wedding is stressful enough without all the negativity. Clear your mind, and rid your life of all that unnecessary drama! (Easier said than done 🙁 )