(Closed) Bridesmaid etiquette – a few questions

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@faeriehazel:  I would say yes. I am paying for one of my BM who is coming from across the country. It’s only 100-200 dollars (which yes it’s a lot) but she is paying WAY more just to come. 

I think it’s nice, not necessary by any means, but nice to buy her dress

Post # 4
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

it will not be nice to ask someone to help spend their time on your wedding and not be made a bridesmaid. It would be hurtful and in my opinion very rude. time is precious, and many people don’t want to help out with a wedding without getting recognition. good luck

Post # 5
Member
9612 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@faeriehazel:  With your MOH I would contribute at least a little (whatever your budget allows) to the cost of her dress, or offer to buy her shoes and accessories for her.

As for the friend you want to get to help out, it would be rude to ask her to do the work but not get recognised as a BM, you can have uneven sides and just because you have one friend does not mean you have to have another. Don’t expect her to do the work if you aren’t prepared to have her as a BM

Post # 6
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

I would give her a stipend to buy the dress as a thank-you.

Post # 7
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think it’s bad form to ask a friend to help out but not be a bridesmaid. I picked my bridesmaids a year before my wedding but in the summer after picking them I became really good friends with two other girls who help me out sometime, and I don’t think they have a problem with it. None that I can detect. I’m getting them thank-you gifts and inviting them to the rehearsal dinner. I’d just make sure they know how much you appreciate them helping out!

eta: I should also add I’ve had a LOT of other people ask to help out that are having no part in the wedding party. My bachelorette party is being planned by one bridesmaid and two random other friends who wanted to help plan it.

Post # 8
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@doubtingdebbieah:  I agree that I also think it would be rude to ask someone to help. I actually would not ask ANYONE to help without paying them. I think people should offer or you only do what you and your FI or immediate family can handle alone.

Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

1. I would pay for her dress. She’s travelling a long way to be in your wedding. Plus, I’m of the school of thought that if you’re asking someone to be in your wedding, you pay for everything (dress, hair, makeup etc).

2. Yes, it’s rude to ask someone to help out and not be recognised as a bridesmaid. You can always have an uneven bridal party.

ETA. Looks like you’ve figured it out 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@faeriehazel:  If you need people to help make sure things run smoothly, why not come up with some other title? Like two of my friends are taking pictures for the guestbook, which is something a bridesmaid couldn’t do because a bridesmaid has other duties. Why not have them be guestbook/gift attendants and ushers?

Post # 12
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

yes and yes, its the right thing to do

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