Post # 1
We are planning a small wedding and I am planning to only have one MOH. She is flying all the way from Scotland to Seoul to be at my wedding. She’ll be staying with us so she doesn’t have to worry about paying for accommodation or meals or anything.
I’m planning on giving her my color palette and a picture of my dress and letting her pick whatever she wants to wear for the wedding. I completely trust her to choose something that will be appropriate.
Should I pay for her dress? She is a grad student and therefore not exactly loaded with cash, but we are not exactly rich either and are working with a tight budget. On the other hand there is only one of her and she is going to a lot of trouble to come to my wedding.
Do people normally pay for their bridesmaids’ dresses? I was thinking about giving her 50 pounds towards her dress and she can pay the extra if she decides to get a dress that’s more than 50 pounds.
Also another question – I have another close friend that I want to involve in the wedding preparations – is it bad form to ask a friend to help out with wedding stuff but not ask her to be a bridesmaid? (Of course I would give her a present to thank her – mostly I just need a few people I trust to help make sure things go smoothly the day of the wedding.) The reason I’m planning on just a MOH is because my FI only wants to have a best man with no groomsmen. I think he’s afraid that if we start adding more people to the wedding party it’ll become a case of “well, if we ask this friend to be in our wedding party we can’t not ask that other friend as well.”
What do you think, bees?
Post # 3
@faeriehazel: I would say yes. I am paying for one of my BM who is coming from across the country. It’s only 100-200 dollars (which yes it’s a lot) but she is paying WAY more just to come.
I think it’s nice, not necessary by any means, but nice to buy her dress
Post # 4
it will not be nice to ask someone to help spend their time on your wedding and not be made a bridesmaid. It would be hurtful and in my opinion very rude. time is precious, and many people don’t want to help out with a wedding without getting recognition. good luck
Post # 5
@faeriehazel: With your MOH I would contribute at least a little (whatever your budget allows) to the cost of her dress, or offer to buy her shoes and accessories for her.
As for the friend you want to get to help out, it would be rude to ask her to do the work but not get recognised as a BM, you can have uneven sides and just because you have one friend does not mean you have to have another. Don’t expect her to do the work if you aren’t prepared to have her as a BM
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
I would give her a stipend to buy the dress as a thank-you.
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s bad form to ask a friend to help out but not be a bridesmaid. I picked my bridesmaids a year before my wedding but in the summer after picking them I became really good friends with two other girls who help me out sometime, and I don’t think they have a problem with it. None that I can detect. I’m getting them thank-you gifts and inviting them to the rehearsal dinner. I’d just make sure they know how much you appreciate them helping out!
eta: I should also add I’ve had a LOT of other people ask to help out that are having no part in the wedding party. My bachelorette party is being planned by one bridesmaid and two random other friends who wanted to help plan it.
Post # 8
@doubtingdebbieah: I agree that I also think it would be rude to ask someone to help. I actually would not ask ANYONE to help without paying them. I think people should offer or you only do what you and your FI or immediate family can handle alone.
Post # 9
Thanks for the opinions ladies!
I think I’ll discuss having one MOH and one bridesmaid with my FI. The biggest reason I’m wary of having another bridesmaid is that I have a handful of close friends (from my college days) whom I will NOT ask to be in the wedding (I can’t afford 5 bridesmaids and with such a small wedding it would just look silly). If I just have one MOH I don’t think they would be hurt, but they might be hurt if I have one bridesmaid and it’s not one of them. (The reason I’m not asking one of them is because they are all super busy people and I don’t think they’d have time to help me out anyway – two of them don’t even live in Korea.) The friend that I’ll be asking help from is a good friend from work and I know she’ll help me out regardless.
I won’t be having a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. The only thing I need help with is the day of – I just need a few people to help me make sure stuff runs smoothly. Although that in itself will probably be a lot of work . . .
Actually, writing this post has made me realize that you guys are right – I think I would need to ask her to be a bridesmaid and hope that my other friends understand why I can’t have them all in the wedding party.
Post # 10
1. I would pay for her dress. She’s travelling a long way to be in your wedding. Plus, I’m of the school of thought that if you’re asking someone to be in your wedding, you pay for everything (dress, hair, makeup etc).
2. Yes, it’s rude to ask someone to help out and not be recognised as a bridesmaid. You can always have an uneven bridal party.
ETA. Looks like you’ve figured it out 🙂
Post # 11
@faeriehazel: If you need people to help make sure things run smoothly, why not come up with some other title? Like two of my friends are taking pictures for the guestbook, which is something a bridesmaid couldn’t do because a bridesmaid has other duties. Why not have them be guestbook/gift attendants and ushers?
Post # 12
yes and yes, its the right thing to do
Post # 13
@distracts: I will definitely have those as well! My cousins will be helping me with guestbook stuff and ushering and whatnot.