Post # 1
I am not getting married for another 16 months, but we are already trying to plan out our wedding party. My fiance and I want a small wedding party, with only having about 3 bridesmaids/3 groomsmen. My brother has been with his fiance as long as I have been with mine, and so I have known his fiance for about 4 years. My brother will obviously be one of the groomsmen, but I don’t get along with his fiance at all, and even though my family has tried really hard to like her, we don’t. I feel obligated to have her as a bridesmaid, but I don’t want to at all!! My mom says I have to have her in my wedding party, but my friends are telling me I don’t have to. What is the ettiquette for something like this? PLEASE HELP!
Post # 3
You don’t have to. She’s not your sister, and even then if you do not wish nor care for her to be in the wedding then go on with your plans without her.
Post # 4
My advice would be to WAIT on planning out/asking your bridal party. You have plenty of time, friendships/relationships can change. Maybe in another 6 months, you’ll get along better with your brother’s Fiance, or maybe they’ll break up, or she’ll do something heinous that makes you POSITIVE you don’t want her in the wedding. Either way, I would wait.
And if in 6 months, you feel the same way, then no, I don’t think you need to include her in the bridal party. If it would make your mom feel better, then maybe find some other job for her to do/ask her to help with flowers, or decor or something.
Post # 5
You don’t have to at all.
Post # 6
You definitely don’t have to… It might be a little awkward, but I think in this case you can have it your way.
Post # 7
I don’t think you have to, either. Hilsy85 has good advice as well. I would wait another 6 months or so before you pick.
Post # 8
I agree with Hilsy85. I chose my bridesmaids VERY early (15 months before wedding date) and have always regretted it. It’s amazing how much friendships can change in a year. The friend I originally asked to be my Maid/Matron of Honor moved in with her boyfriend and I hardly ever see or talk to her, etc. There is absolutely no reason why you need to choose your bms this early!
Whenever you do, I absolutely do not think you need to ask your FIs fiancee. I did not ask either of FIs sisters to be in my wedding party, because they are younger than me and I am not that close to them. I do not regret it.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2010 - Mr. Turtle's Grandparents' backyard, Arroyo Grande, CA
I pretty much agree with the other girls. I would continue to think about this and just wait a little longer to announce who you’ve selected. I pretty much knew who I wanted to ask immediately (22 month engagement!) but waited until a little less than a year before to ask them. I’m REALLY glad I did it this way.
Also, my brother has a girlfriend that my family wanted me to have as a bridesmaid. And I didn’t ask her. And I’m glad I did this too. I’m not friends with her at all, so I’m sure she understands! Go with your heart!
Post # 10
I agree also! No way would I have her in the wedding. I waited until 8 months before our wedding to ask people to be Bridesmaid or Best Man. I realized people who I thought were my friend before, really weren’t. I would recommend waiting before asking anyone to be in the wedding. It is always easier to ask people to be in the wedding then asking them to step down.
Post # 11
You totally don’t have to pick her.. pick 3 girls you are close to…
Post # 12
DEF wait to pick your bridal party.
Post # 13
Don’t ask her if you don’t want to. And this may not be a popular answer: but especially don’t if they’re not married. There’s no guarantee they’ll make it to the wedding, especially if your family doesn’t like her.
Choose your party, then think about it for a few months. If I could do it all over, I would have chosen only one on each side. (We have three on each side.)
Post # 14
Wait to pick, but no, you do not have to include her.
Post # 15
You don’t have to. I certainly didn’t have my SIL on my side, even though I like her!
She wore a black dress, a matching sash to what my bridesmaids wore, and she stood on my husband’s side.
I don’t see why your brother’s fiance needs to be in YOUR wedding party. She’s your Future Sister-In-Law unrelated to the wedding, not even your FI’s sister, which is different.
Post # 16
You don’t have to at all!! I asked my SIL because she’s one of my closest friends. But for her wedding last month, she asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but not my sister. So really, don’t have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man if you do’nt want to. It will feel forced and even more awkward, especially if she feels the same about you as you do about her.