Post # 1
So I know this has been asked probably a million times, but I would just like to get some advice on my personal situation. Like an idiot, I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man within a month of getting engaged. My Maid/Matron of Honor is no issue, she and I are very close. My other Bridesmaid or Best Man is a girl who I used to work with and who used to be a good friend. (Here come the boring details, sorry) A few months ago I had to struggle with the decision to put my dog to sleep because she had a brain tumor. She was attacking me and my fiance without warning, and started to have seizures. When I made the choice to put her to sleep, many of my co-workers were not supportive of my decision at all. I should mention that I work at a veterinary hospital. Many of them felt that I should have done more for her, but it was stuff that I couldn’t afford. We are talking thousands of dollars. ANYWAY, long story short, this Bridesmaid or Best Man was one of the most judgemental coworkers, and spent a great deal of time talking about me behind my back. When I approached her about it, she denied everything, saying she supported my decision, but yet I still heard her talking about me, and even got a text that she meant to send to someone else, calling me a murderer!! So. I really don’t want this girl to be a part of my wedding. It turns out we are not as close as we once were, clearly. I also haven’t heard from her once since all this happened, and I no longer see her because I got a new job at a different hospital. She also was not very enthusiastic to begin with, and she’ll be moving 2 hours away a few months before the wedding ,so she won’t even be around when I will need help the most. What do I DO? Do I approach her about it? I have this feeling that if I didn’t say anything to her, my wedding date would come and go without hearing a word from her. I’m really clueless about this, because I know un-asking a Bridesmaid or Best Man is incredibly rude, but I really don’t feel like I’m a bridezilla here. The only thing I’ve asked either of them to do in the past 6 months is come with me when I looked at wedding dresses. Ugh. Help!
Post # 3
She sent you a text message calling you a murderer?! Did you ask her to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man before or after that? If you asked her and THEN you got the message, I would just say ‘I understand loud and clear that you don’t respect me and I feel it best, for both of us, that you don’t participate in my wedding.’ I don’t think you need to play nice, per say, as it doesn’t sound like she has. Cut her out. You won’t regret it. But the longer you leave her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, the more stress you’ll have.
Post # 4
If someone has acted horribly and you have no interest in maintaining the friendship and are totally justified in that decision, it is one of the rare exceptions where I will encourage someone to drop a bridesmaid. And this is definitely one of those times!
Post # 5
It sounds like it would be awkward for both of you if she is a bridesmaid. I don’t think you should feel guilty about unasking her. You should not feel awkward on your wedding day!
Post # 6
As an animal lover, I completely understand your situation with putting your dog to sleep. Whatever decision you made, a TRUE friend would be there to comfort and support you, regardless of their opinion. Since she did not do that, and even had to nerve to go behind your back and call you names, I would un-ask her. Don’t be rude about it, but I would just say that you feel there is a tension between the both of you that would make you uncomfortable on the wedding day. It doesn’t sound like either of you want to maintain the friendship (I don’t blame you-she sounds rude) so it shouldn’t be too hard to let her go.
Post # 7
It sounds like you no longer have a friendship with this person. If you really don’t want her at your side on the wedding day, I’d just drop all communication. If she reaches out and tries to patch things up, great. If not, she will likely just remove herself from the wedding party.
Don’t hold the move against her if she does try to reconcile. Bridesmaids are not required to help us with our weddings – that’s our FI’s job!
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s hard enough to watch your beloved pet suffer, and worse yet that you were judged so harshly for it. Dump the bridesmaid.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the replies. I ended up sending her a text basically saying that I know we have had some issues in the past few months, and that I know she’s very busy with her upcoming move, but that I was wondering if she still wanted/felt like she had time to be a bridesmaid. It was very nice, but I haven’t heard a word back from her. So, problem solved.