Post # 1
Hello Hive, I have made an anonnymous name in order to protect my identity because I am a regular poster. I have commented before on the great relationship I have with my BFF and I’m feeling a little sheepish now.
My BFF is getting married in April. I found out last fall that I will be a whopping 8-and-a-half months pregnant at her wedding. We celebrated the news together, as my fiance and I have been trying for years to conceive. At the time, she was thrilled for me, and I assured her that I would still be carrying through with all of my bridesmaid duties (her sister is her Maid/Matron of Honor and currently in school in Australia – she will be returning home 2 weeks before the wedding and I have been looked upon to take care of the typical Maid/Matron of Honor details with her other bridesmaid) She was thrilled I wasn’t “dodging out” on her.
The last couple of months have been very intense for our friendship. I have always stayed in the best spirits around my friend, and have tried to be helpful and supportive, but she isn’t letting me. Every time I try to help, she snaps at me and spits out some rude comment about my pregnancy. She has made several offhanded remarks about how I should continue working out so I don’t look “so fat” in her wedding pictures, and even told me, “if you’re sick on my wedding day, don’t bother showing up.” One of our mutual friends recently told me she is mad that I’ve “stolen her spotlight” and made several threats against our friends who have offered to throw me a baby shower because this is “HER” time. She has even claimed that I purposely planned my conception to coincide with her wedding day so I could have all the attention. I have always been the mousy friend, she has always been the flamboyant friend.
From my end, the general response has been that she’s a bridezilla and has gotten so wrapped up in the moment/stressed out, that she is taking it out on me. I’m curious to know what other bride-to-be’s have to say… am I really that bad?
Post # 3
She doesn’t sound like a very good friend…but if you two were close before, maybe she’s just stressed? Still, it doesn’t excuse her behavior. She is being horrible to you.
Post # 4
I’ll say it. Your friend sounds delusional.
Post # 5
wow she’s being a bitch.
weddings are stressful. i would try to have a heart to heart with her and reaffirm that you won’t be dodging your bm duties as long as she treats you like a friend. let her air her fears about your pregnancy corresponding with her wedding (maybe she wanted a really wild bachelorette? maybe she’s scared you won’t be able to make it to her wedding?)
if she won’t change, i would probably step down as a bm. however, if you choose to step down, it might kill your friendship (although she’s doing a pretty good job of that herself it sounds).
Post # 6
Its the emotions. There have been posts on here that I swear your friend could have written about how the spot light is being stolen because someone is pregnant, engaged, eloped, divorced, etc during “their time”.
Sit her down and tell her that “I am really glad to be a part of your wedding and I want you to be the center of attention on your day and to really enjoy the process. If you are not happy with me being a part of it then tell me.” Address the elephant in the room, but nicely. She may not realize how bad she is being or how obvious. Being called out on it and forced to make a decision will make her think about her actions and what she really wants.
Post # 7
True friends enjoy each other’s happy moments in life. You deserve to enjoy your time during your pregnancy, just as she deserves hers as she is getting married. If she cannot deal with your blessing during the time of hers, then that is something she needs to deal with from within. Have a sitdown conversation with her to clear the air about how she is making you feel, and see where it goes. You don’t need to get stressed about her pettiness…not good for the little one…if she continues to act like an ass, bow out gracefully with class, like a lady…
Post # 8
Wow. She is behaving completely unacceptably. I cannot believe people sometimes! If you value the relationship, I would have her over for coffee and talk about how it’s all made you feel, that you love her but that she’s really been hurting you with her comments.
Post # 9
You call this girl a friend?! I would opt out of the wedding and can her!
Post # 10
I mean while I can sort of sympathize with your friend since two of my BM’s were pregnant and there were I think 4 pregnant guests at our wedding and everything was about them during my planning, I think your friend has lost sight of what’s important. Everyone is human and acts irrational at times, so speaking from experience I encourage you to wait it out and try to let the comments bounce off of you in the meanwhile. Hopefully she will come to and realize how crazy she is being, but if she doesn’t, unfortunately you might have 1 less guest at your baby shower 🙁
Post # 11
Wow… she is WAY out of line.
I’d have a heart to heart with her. Offer to step down from the Bridesmaid or Best Man position and just be a guest if she’s uncomfortable with your pregnancy.
Tell her you are there to help with whatever she needs and would be happy to help silently (i.e. not stand up with her as a bridesmaid).
Sounds like you’ve already gone way above and beyond and she’s being totally unrealistic and a brat.
Post # 12
This is all on her. That is very unfair for you for her to be acting this way. I would sit her down and explain how you are feeling and see how she reacts if she is your best friend she will apologize and talk things out if shes not understanding then I would walk away from the wedding. I’m sorry this is happening it is such an exciting time for you as well and you should be able to celebrate no matter what is going on in your friends lives.
Post # 13
I can’t believe someone who is supposed to be your “friend” threatens other friends that want to throw you a baby shower. For her wedding she get 1 day, not everyday leading up to it. I would sit her down and tell her how she’s making you feel and that the way she is acting isn’t very much like a friend (she’s seriously jealous of an unborn baby getting things at a shower…pathetic). I would tell her again that your pregnancy will not interfer with her wedding DAY and if she doesn’t think she can start acting like a friend you should step down from being in the wedding and also away from the friendship, you don’t need toxic people in your life during this magical time.
Post # 14
Please do not put this on yourself. I have been stressed out and emotional but there are going to be more important days in her life than her wedding. This is not “her time” the day of. That’s hers. Months leading up to it? That’s anyone’s game. She is being ridiculous. I would confront her in a sensitive and careful way like some people have said before. If she doesn’t come around, then this is just her true colors showing I guess. Good luck, and congratulations on your pregnancy!
Post # 15
At some point, the friendship is not even worth it. and to me, this would be that point. your friends are suppose to be happy and supportive for you at this time, just like you are for her. it shouldn’t be a competition for attention.
i think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart about how this all makes you feel, and from there decide how much more you can really put up with.
Post # 16
She has made several offhanded remarks about how I should continue working out so I don’t look “so fat” in her wedding pictures, and even told me, “if you’re sick on my wedding day, don’t bother showing up.”
Wow. I’m speechless. Like the old saying, with friends like this, who needs enemies?