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Hello Hive! (long post again, but bear with me and thank you for letting me vent!)
Sooo I spoke with the bride last night and she's not budging...sigh..she's sticking with the cream-colored shoes and clutch..That's all fine and dandy. I told her about my other finances and she said that I should have thought about that before committing. I DID think about these kinds of things! (I just didn't think it would be THIS expensive!)
On top of that, she had the nerve to tell ME how to save money each pay period! And that I could back out now and she could ask her sister-in-law and that she's sure that she (SIL) could reimburse me for the dress costs. UMMM hello! Can't really back out now..my flight plans have been made, dress is ordered-(i mean, I suppose I could but she also guilt-tripped me about how disappointed she'd be b/c she would rather have me up with her b/c we're closer and best friends...etc....
Then she asks about the hotel. Earlier a while ago, when the engagement was just announced, she had mentioned 2 hotels that she was going to block. I don't know if she hadn't blocked enough rooms are what....well turns now, the rooms are almost ALL gone! I told her I didn't reserve now b/c i was waiting for the invitation! (ok, granted, I could have reserved early) And to top it off, the one hotel that would have been convenient (the reception was going to be on the grounds right next store) is all booked! So the next hotel option was about 97% booked! (so you bet I booked it last night!)
She also kept going on and on about how i should rent a car so that it would be more convenient for me and I could go exploring...I'm not doing this...first of all, I don't want to rent a car in a strange city and end up lost. (can you imagaine?!?) Second, I don't need to explore. I just plan to attend the basics-the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding....that's it. And thirdly, I don't need yet another expense!
I made some decisions that I was firm on. No car renting. I'm not getting a cream-colored clutch-I don't need one (I don't usually use cream-colored purses, etc.) Next, supposedly there's going to be a spa day but we're each paying our own. I don't need to do that either. Luckily we can do our own hair and makeup.
I know how this sounds..but it's costing me almost 1k to just to be a bridesmaid at this wedding and that's not including the shoes, which will be my final cost I was also just taken back by her naivety and rudeness. (if she had only read WB, she could have learn a few things and probably saved money too!)
The upside of all this is that I will get to visit my other college best friend (who's not invited to the wedding-they don't know each other). She's picking me up from the airport and I will get to spend the night and probably most of next day up until the rehearsal, so I'm looking forward to that!
Sigh..Again thanks for listening!
i think it was the bride's responsibility to tell you how much being a BM would cost you upfront. she's guilt tripping you for not anticipating and budgeting properly?! maybe if she had budgeted better, she could have made some room in her budget to alleviate all these costs that she's imposing on you! brides get so caught up in having their perfect wedding that they seem to think their bridesmaids should similarly have to go broke just to fulfill their wedding vision. i believe that if i am requiring my bms to spend a ton of $$ to look a certain way, then it is certainly my responsibility to help pay for some of that or compromise in such a way that it won't cost them an arm and a leg!
your friend sounds kind of rude and naive. maybe it's just the stress of the wedding that is making her act out this way - i'm hoping she's not normally like this. otherwise, if i were you, i might be tempted to take her up on the offer to make her SIL the BM instead.
If it makes you feel better during one of my stints as a bridesmaid the bride wanted us to stay in the hotel on the wedding night at a LOCAL wedding. When I mentioned I hadn't budgeted that into the expenses and that as a compromise I'd stay till the last song and be back bright and early for the brunch (she wouldn't even miss me!) she gave me a guilt trip and suggested that for Christmas perhaps I could ask my boyfriend to "gift" me the hotel price.
Sigh. I let myself be guilted into the hotel night, "optional" hair and make-up and the more expensive dress. I wanted to be the "good" friend and do whatever was in my power to make her day special but I was broke for a month after trying to please her. Incidently, we stopped talking soon after the wedding.
It's hard but don't be guilted into more than you can reasonably afford, particularly for those little extras.
I have to disagree, when you sign up to be a bridesmaid, you are aware of the costs involved. If it's an out of town wedding, there will be flight and hotel, possibly car rental. Plus the cost of the dress and shoes. I agree that a specific clutch is a little out of line, so good for you for not purchasing that accessory. But, I think at the end of the day, when one agrees to be a bridesmaid, they are agreeing to the costs that they know are associated with the task.
I don't think this bride is rude or naive, she just wants to have a beautiful wedding with her best friends standing by her side. If she wants matching dresses and shoes, that's her call. I think if someone can't afford to be a bridesmaid, they should step down and perhaps participate in some other way (reader, etc).
wow, to me, that sounds a little bridezilla-ish. but i'm also of the opinion that if a bride mandates that the BMs have to dress a certain way, the bride should foot the bill. having the BM pay for the dress, ok, but a cream colored clutch is pretty unnecessary. you were right to put your foot down on the car rental...that is an extra expense you don't need if you already have a ride to the wedding. why does she care if you go exploring or not? unless she is planning to pay for the rental, its not her business how you get to the wedding events, as long as you're there and on time. it also sucks she tried to threathen/guilt trip you with having her SIL take your place so late in the game. when you signed up as a BM, i'm sure you couldn't have forseen all the costly demands the bride would have started making. i'd be tempted to call her bluff and just let the SIL take over. sorry you have to go through this!
She sounds like she is being very rude and inconsiderate. I am one of those that told you before that there are costs that a BM has to absorbe, but this sounds like it is getting out of hand. Way to take a stand on a few issues, like the clutch and a spa day.
I would never ask my BM to pay for thier own day at the spa if I had any reason to believe they couldn't afford. And what do you want to bet that she expects the bridesmaids that do go to help to pay for her day!
You are being a stronger person than i would be. I hope you enjoy the wedding!
Candi
Are you sure you don't want to just back out of being a bridesmaid, and let the SIL do it? It might disappoint her, but maybe say you would like to still be involved, but in other ways i.e. reader, guest book, etc. They're still important roles you could do instead...
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Ugh! How annoying!! I did pick a rather expensive dress for my bm's (which I do feel terrible about) but i told them they can do whatever they want with their shoes/accesories/hair/make up. I also offered to help pay for the dress if they were having any problems. The whole BM process is soooooooooo expensive! I'm suprised that your "best friend" isn't being more accomodating. She is clearly not concerned with budget so I don't know why she is making you pay for all of these things. Why isn't she just giving you the clutch as your gift? Strange.
Yeaaaaahhhhhh..........I think that any bride should think about whats more important to her....that all her closest friends be with her on her wedding day or that whoever can afford to buy the dress she wants be with her on her wedding day. Personally I'd take my friends in whatever they could afford to get/feel comfortable in (I asked them all to get black dresses of their own choosing and nude colored strappy sandals of their own choosing...no clutch...no required hotel rooms...no fancy hairdos...) because ultimately its about them celebrating with me. And as to bridesmaids realizing costs up front, sure if the bride knows when and where the wedding will be and what dress she wants when she asks you... But what if the bride doesn't know and decides after you say yes that she wants a CA wedding because her parents live there and you live in PA...and maybe you'd assumed that the wedding would be in PA because, duh, thats where she lives....and what if she decides on a $300 monstosity of a bridesmaids dress because some wedding magazine said how "in" it is right now, when she originally was going to let you wear what you wanted....There are so many things that can change with a wedding, even after things have been "decided" on, so you really never know whats going to happen... So being both a bride and a bridesmaid at this moment (my friends wedding is 6 weeks after mine) I think it is ultimately important for the bride to consider the bridesmaids budgets if she really wants them to be part of her day.
I think if she expected this much, she should have been clearer up front!! How would you have known to budget for all those things? I personally don't believe in all the bridesmaid responsiblity stuff - beyond buying a dress, I think anything else required should be the responsibility of the bride. And if the bride can't afford it, then things like special shoes, purses, hair, makeup etc just shouldn't be required.
It is so not her business to tell you how to save money and if I were you, I would consider taking her up on letting the SIL be in the wedding. In the end, she is the one who is saying that a BM with the right clutch is more important to her than someone she is close to....
"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma; font-size: 13px">I have to disagree, when you sign up to be a bridesmaid, you are aware of the costs involved."
since when does that include a mandatory clutch??!
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I think, from reading your post, that maybe you would like to bow out.
When we get asked to be bridesmaids- i don't think we think "what do you expect from me" to be our first question. We're just delighted for our friend and feel special for being asked.
If you truly can't afford the expenses and it will put a damper on the day if you are worried, then maybe you'd be better to go as a guest. Are there any girls going that you could bunk up with in the hotel?
I paid for my gals 1st night in the room- and stayed with them, it helped ease the costly hotel. Maybe the bride will let you stay with her one night?
Good luck with whatever you choose.
oh, but as far as the hotel goes, thats all on you. Being a bridesmaid you should have booked ASAP.
It sounds like you're really frustrated, many of us have been there in your shoes as a bridesmaid.
However, it doesn't really sound like you want to be in this wedding. Yes, it's a lot of money to spend to travel to a wedding, but I'm assuming the bride asked you to be a BM for a reason...that you're a relatively close friend?
I don't think it's unreasonable for the bride to ask you to wear a specific dress, shoes and accessories.
So the question is...is it worth being annoyed with your friend over a silly purse? You're saving some money by staying with your friend, so can you you make a compromise?
If you are going to go through with it, you need to make peace with spending the money and being there for your friend. No one wants to get married with a BM that has a scowl on her face.
But if you really want to be a part of it, then do it with a full heart.
See thats the thing though...why would someone need a specific clutch and for their friend to rent a car when they get married? That would definitely put a scowl on someone's face and rightfully so if they are going into debt over the things they're "required" to get for a one day event ....weddings make 98.76% of all people raging lunatics, who all of a sudden want all these things they've never wanted or cared about before... Sometimes it DOES take a friend saying "Hey listen, I think this is great and all but I really can't afford it" to make a bride step back and realize that she's gone a bit crazy with her demands... I know there are certain costs involved but why would you make your friends spend alot of money for one day if they don't have it? I just find it funny that people will scour the internet to get, say, tea lights at bargain basement prices but when it comes to their bridesmaids dresses they automatically go with a Bridesmaids dress from a Bridal shop, rather than looking around at some "normal dresses" which are bound to be alot cheaper and alot nicer.... ??
plus, what kind of bride lectures her bm on how she should be saving and spending appropriately so that she can splurge on her bm accessories and extras? i think it is unreasonable for a bride to ask for specific dress, shoes, and accessories if it if not financially feasible for the bms to foot the bill for that specific look. i don't think MissyJen is getting upset about just a clutch. her friend's attitude has been very unaccomodating and rather demanding!
totally random question for MissyJen...does your friend read wbee? i was just wondering if she might ever come across this forum and think "hmm this situation sounds familiar!" and maybe her conscience would kick in. or maybe she'd just get really pissed at you and kick you out of her bridal party.
Ok... I think everyone is overreacting about the clutch (which i am sure is not the main part of the $1000) and car rental (not a wedding requirement just it seems an overeager suggestions).
The big expenses of being a guest are obvious: flight, gift, hotel. The big expenses of being a bridesmaid are also obvious: dress, bachelorette/shower, and potential shoes, hair and makeup. Look up any article on being a bridesmaid and you will see those expense - a 20 minute google search could have saved you an unpleasant surprise.
I hate that someone has already started bandying about the word bridezilla when it seems the bride is requesting her bridesmaid to do what is expected of a bridesmaid. She is also offering a way out (have SIL buy the dress from her) and attend as a guest. You say you CAN'T do it but why not? Is she is 'guilting' you then maybe she is not the kind of friend you want to oblige anyways?
I just feel like maybe this is an unreasonable bride or maybe this is a selfish bridemaid who did not think ahead about what this committment would cost and is now trying to blame someone else. I would personally like to hear the bride's perpectives before I would call someone a "bridezilla."
Thanks for commenting everybody!
Emileee-no, she doesn't read WBee-'cause if she did, she would have learned and taken a lot of things into consideration!! Wait till I get her back when I get married! (if she backs out of my future wedding b/c of costs, I will be pissed!) (I'm not getting married anytime soon but something to think about)
I do sound frustrated but at the same time, I don't want to throw away a friendship just b/c of this.
Another thing I just thought of but forgot to mention, she also had the nerve to tell me that her bridesmaid gift (sounds like jewelry) is going to cost more than whatever shoes and the clutch I'm getting. OK WHATEVER...(it better be expensive!)
Again, it just amazes me that she has all these expectations when she and her fiancee are in debt and she doubts her family can help either.
"I don't know what to tell you." (WHATEVER)
Does anyone know how much dyeable shoes run?
I did find a pair nice/cute/wearable-again fancy sandals on the Nordstrom website but again, it's going to cost me $$$. Although I won't say anything else b/c I do have a giftcard. SIGH.
Ok...;-) enough with the whining...again, thank you so much for commenting!
I think it would be interesting to talk about what's expected of a bride. I have done a lot of bridemaid duty, and I have NEVER been asked to cover all my expenses. I can't actually think of a single time. Most brides have covered the dress, some have covered dress and shoes. In the few cases where I paid for the dress, the bride covered in one case a spa day plus hair and makeup, in another case two nights hotel, and in a third case gave us beautiful cultured (not glass) pearl necklaces, bracelets, and earrings. I have never had a bride demand a purse, and seldom had one demand specific shoes. I have never been told that professional hair and makeup was not optional. I have also never been told what the total cost would be up front, but I've never had a bride get upset with me about not being able to afford something either.
I think that you would probably have a much better time, and lots less stress, if you just bow out now. Use your plane ticket, go to the wedding as a guest if you like, visit your other college friend. If she would really rather have you as a BM, and if she was really a good friend, she would be more understanding and less demanding. If you decided to still be in the wedding, can you maybe just stay with your friend the whole weekend? That would save some $$$, as well as skipping the spa day. And if your answer is going to be that you are somehow required to stay at the hotel - back maybe to the idea of just being a guest.
I don't think the bride should have started to judge your personal finances, but maybe she was just trying to help. I'm also one of the one who was against asking the bride for help in the first place.
Anyways, if you can get away without the rental car, do it. If you find dyeable shoes, you can have them dyed to black later so you can wear them again.
Hope this helps a little bit.
I'm going to second suzanno on how unreasonable I think your bride's demands are. I've only been a bridesmaid a couple times but each time my dress was paid for, I was advised to pick whatever shoes I wanted in a certain colour, and professional hair and makeup was optional (I did both myself). Both brides gave day-of earrings and necklaces as bridesmaids gifts, and there were no clutch/purse requirements.
Being a bridesmaid is about giving your friend your blessing and support and celebrating her marriage with her and her family. If this bride is choosing tangible items (clutch, dress, etc etc) over your friendship, bow out now and save yourself the trouble!
i may have missed this portion of it, but is this a local wedding for the bride and you don't live nearby? or is everyone flying in for a destination wedding?
Would it be possible to share a hotel room with another bm? that would save you a lot of money. unfortunately the cost of the dress and shoes, etc. is what it is, but you're smart to mention that you don't have to participate in a "spa" day.
Best of luck on the clutch issue--this seems to be a big bit of nonsense to me--if you absolutely *have* to have it for the bride's plan to be complete, can you buy a cream clutch of a dyeable material so you can use it again later?
mrsBic-
The wedding's in Massachusettes and I'm in California. Most of her family is in Massachusettes. His family, however, is from the Netherlands. So it's mostly her side at this wedding. It's going to be a small wedding about 50 people or so.
Unfortunately, i can't share a hotel room with the other attendant (the MOH) b/c she's married and her husband is coming. Incredibly, NOT that I WOULD, the bride did suggest sharing a room with THEM!??! "They (hotels in general) do have double beds." UMMM NOoooooooooo! The fact that she would even suggest that is ludicrious!
Unless I can find cheap cream-colored or even off white sandals (TJMax, Ross, or Marshalls) to wear, I may just have to go with the Nordstrom ones. What puzzles me is that if we can wear whatever style shoes but that it has be cream-colored, isn't it going to look odd b/c I'm 100% sure that the cream-color of the MOH's is going to be a different color version of cream I'm getting...NOT that I'm going to mention this and create another issue! (that and the fact the dresses are long anyway so who's going to see regardless?!?!)
That and also cream-color with emerald green?!?! (that's going to another post when the dress arrives from Netbride.com)
Thank god, the wedding's not for another 3 months!
You can get dyeables from an online store. I got a $50 basic pair of strappy sandals from onlineshoes.com, free shipping, free exchanges. They pay for your shipping back. Zappos.com also has a good reputation.
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To get inexpensive dyable shoes go to payless! My bridesmaids are paying for their own dress, shoes, mani - pedi, hair and make-up. I am puchasing their clutch, jewelry, and spa day for them. Most of my bm's think I'm going overboard and am doing too much for them. I don't know what the norm is. Every wedding I've been in has been different, but most cost me at least $500.
Though the bride my seem inconsiderate, the associated cost to being a bridesmaid should be made aware up front, either by the bride or by yourself through doing a little research. I was a bridesmaid to a very good friend and it ended up costing me approximately $3000, for a local wedding. However, I knew that my friend had very expensive taste and I knew the wedding is going to be grand because their budget was around $100K. But I knew what I was up for and I agreed to it up front. I think there is a bit of miscommunications between you guys and when the actual money goes out, both parties are surprised by how much it was going to cost. Hopefully, this won't damage the relationship too much and at the end of the day, you are still the best friends that you are.
Wow ladies ... I guess I have two of the most considerate and thrifty friends!! The first wedding I was in, my best friend picked dresses that were not only affordable but reusable. The shoes were from Payless and were also very affordable. My other best friend has asked me to be her MOH, which I'm finding to be a very different experience than being a bridesmaid and she found us a great steal on our dresses ($80!!). I have a feeling she is going to be a little more demanding on the shoes/accessories, but with the dress being a little cheaper, I don't mind.
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I have been a bridesmaid in several weddings (5 to be exact) and I have never had a bride pay for my dress, shoes or hotel. One bride paid for my hair stylist, but that was also my "bridemaids" gift.
When I agree to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding, I know exactly what I'm getting into and what the potential costs will be. I pretty much expect a local wedding to be around $1000 and an OOT wedding to be $2000 (usually more of a wedding weekend and includes all of the expenses for myself and my fiance)
Yes, I agree, that requiring a matching bag is un-reasonable and un-necessary, but the dress, shoes, hotel, hair, makeup, travel costs, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and gifts are on the bridesmaid. Any expenses that the bride offers to cover, are an added bonus.
I know it's a lot, but remember there is a reason the bride asked YOU to be her bridesmaid and a resaon you said yes.
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I agree with everything ynichole said. I have also been a bridesmaid a ridiculous number of times and only once (a wedding next month) has the bride paid for my dress. This is our gift and the dress was only 50 or 60 bucks. She did it because she was placing the order and just figured it would be easier to make that our gifts. Every other wedding I've been in, I've paid for my dress, shoes, hair, hotel, travel, and multiple gifts. Maybe the bride paying for all the dresses is a regional thing? Most of the weddings I've been in, our gifts have been our jewelry, etc. Two weddings I was in, the bride gave us little totes with our initials on them, not really a clutch, but we did carry them to the wedding, just put all our crap in there. But if we didn't have those, we would have just had regular purses I think. For my girls, I found a great deal on their dresses (originally 150, found them for 100), I'm letting them pick whatever black shoes they want to wear (it's a long dress, I could care less), I'll probably give them their jewelry, and I found these great purses that I can get with their first initial on them (LOVE them!), and then maybe something else small. My girls will be responsible for their hair, make up if they want it, hotel, and getting to the wedding. We're all out of town (including me!!), even though it's my home town. Haha. Anyway, bottom line, definitely try to talk to the bride, I'd say the negotiable items are the shoes and the clutch, for starters. Renting a car was probably just a suggestion and I highly doubt that she was saying that you HAD to do that. I have a friend that always suggests crazy stuff like that too, and I just take it with a grain of salt. She may have just been wanting to make sure you have a good time, saying you can go exploring etc. Don't feel like she is making you do that. Good luck!!
Ahh Missy. Hang in there darlin. If you ask me, your bride who is one of your best friends I assume, since youre in her wedding, should be sensitive to your financial situation, whatever it may be. Sure, people know it costs a lot to be in a wedding. But I dont think that means you should be REQUIRED to do anything but be a supportive and wonderful friend. I know you knew up front that you'd have to pay for your dress travel and lodging. I dont think that you should feel guilty in ANY WAY not being able to afford anything else outside of those three costs.
Come on people...dont put such high financial expectations on your best friends. I cant imagine that if my best friend couldnt be in my wedding cause she couldnt afford it, that I'd let her bow out and pick someone else with more money. I'd help her make it work. And NO, not by telling her how she can save more money each month.
Shes being unreasonable, period. Youve bought the dress, and the shoes and you're showing up...the best you can do is be a great friend to her...forking out more cash to do crap or buy crap for her wedding is not necessary AT ALL and if she's a true friend, she'll love you for being there for her, even if you're not dropping major cash on the day.
As far as shoes, wear what you can afford or what you already have. If shes asking you to wear a specific shoe, and its expensive, she should pay for them!!! I cant believe she hasnt even offered. I'm not quite sure that nowadays its standard for the bridesmaids to have to pay for shoes that are being worn once but I know if I were asked to buy a specific cream shoe for a wedding I'd be annoyed. I'll buy a shoe I want to wear and know will wear again, our you buy the freakin shoe for me. Thats just the way I feel. I bought all my BMs shoes because I felt that this might possibly be the only time they wear them. If they were cute black satin pumps I might have felt less bad about them having to pay for them, but they were ivory strappy sandals...not exactly shoes you wear even on a monthly basis, if at all.
And if she freaks out cause you cant afford a spa day...well...its time to reevaluate the friendship.
I don't think you really need to go the Nordstrom's route for shoes. I googled "Dyeable shoes" and came up with a ton of options:
http://www.qualitybridalshoes.com/sandals.html
Or try going to a bridal store. They have tons of shoes that they send out to dye. Or look for ivory or white shoes. What is this chick going to do, inspect everything? If it's a long dress like you said, just get white or off white or whatever shoes, don't say anything to her about it, and just wear the stupid things. If she freaks out the day of her wedding about the color of your shoes that no one is going to see, girl has issues.
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wait, so there are only two attendants total..? and 50 people? and her family lives there?
why can't she offer you a room to stay in at a family member's house? This seems weird to me with a wedding this small that you would stay in a hotel. unless you are uncomfortable staying at aunt suzy's house or whatever.
and i totally don't get this matchy-matchy clutch thing with two attendants and such a small wedding.
I kind of totally don't get the clutch. Are you walking down the aisle with it? Otherwise you are going to stash it on your table while you dance and never hold it....
Thank you SO MUCH ladies for the support...you have all "voiced" my thoughts exactly. I haven't been able to get in touch with the only other attendant, the MOH, who've I've been told by the bride herself doesn't seem so enthusiastic about her (MOH) position. (apparently the MOH was a total downer at the bridal shower)
I'm just waiting to see, I guess, the humor when the MOH and I show up in different shades/styles of cream-colored shoes...and that's when I will say "I TOLD YOU SO!"
She didn't offer me any family to stay with b/c apparently their houses are too small to accomodate another guest...her grandmother is senile so that's out of the question; she has a friend but she didn't feel comfortable asking her..(rolls eyes) I know her aunt and I bet it wouldn't be a problem but she (the bride) thinks her (the aunt's) place is too small. WHATEVER...my hotel is booked....she (the bride) is unbelievable all right!
As for the clutch..YEAH WHATEVER!
(oh I decided that b/c i'm spending 1k on HER wedding, she's not getting that gift I was planning to get from Tiffany's!! ;
Ok, I guess I'm not getting this.
You keep complaining about the flight and the hotel. Weren't you going as a guest if she hadn't asked you to be in the party? Would you have expected her to assist you with travel as a guest ? Would you have expected her to find lodging if you were attending as a guest? How do you expect someone to offer you lodging in someone else's home.
Honestly, you keep coming back with more comments trying to make your "friend" and the situation sound worse and worse when your complaints are the same. The majority of the people here agree with you. Why don't you let it go now?
Honestly, you should have just bowed out when she gave you the chance and you still should. I think you're really angry and you're going to bring all that negativity with you. I can't see how you can possibly stand up and be supportive with the feelings you are expressing here.
Whether it is expected or not expected for the bride to pay for dresses (and it looks like it's regional or varies by group of friends) and it is certainly not her job to find accomodations for you, but this is not the real issue.
I think what most bothers me is how mean and angry you sound when talking about your friend who considers you her best friend. I would hate to think that the women I treasure and depend on would be so nasty and mercenary about me on a public forum. We are all brides her and basically you would be my worst nightmare as far as wedding parties go - it seems to all be about you.
You seem less and less like a person with a valid concern and more and more like a whiny attention seeker. You were given the option to back out of the wedding party, you should do so and improve the situation for everyone.
Although I sympathize with your complaints, I echo others' sentiment that you need to be careful not to bring all that negativity to the wedding day. It's one thing to just flat-out not be able to afford something, but it's another to throw your conflicts in the bride's face the day of, you know? I think you've still got time to resolve these feelings within yourself and just accept that your friend isn't being the most considerate, but that she'll probably regain her sanity as soon as she leaves for her honeymoon, and that you'd rather her potentially be apologetic about what's gone on than focus on the bad vibes she picks up from you. Seriously, I don't mean to undermine the frustration of what you've been dealing with, but I do think that if you're going to go into it with a vendetta, you should back out. It's just not worth it and you'll have more fun as a guest.
MissyJenn -- Your last comment posted sounds b**y and nasty. Just drop out at this point. You come off self centered, revengeful, and just plain mean. I agree with vyeta7 -- the airfare and hotel room are expenses you would have inccured as a guest of the wedding and are NOT considered part of the bm expenses. The dress, shoes, and clutch are all reasonable bm expenses. If any of my bridesmaids behaved like you I would take it very personally and would see it as finding out who my friends really are. One of my bridesmaids is flying out from North Carolina and she gladly purchased her airfare and booked her hotel room without saying a sigle word to me about it, knowing that if she were not in my wedding she would be doing the same as a guest. I think you like to complain and your "friend" is getting married and you are not happy for her and want to make it all about yourself. You should have stopped posting while you were ahead.
To the board moderators -- I suggest you end this board now before this bm explodes.
dress1.jpg (6.5 KB, 50 downloads) 2 years old dress3.jpg (6.9 KB, 36 downloads) 2 years old dress2.jpg (7.3 KB, 39 downloads) 2 years old
I don't understand why some of y'all are being so nasty to this girl. I'm a bride, and I see her point of view entirely. maybe a public forum isn't the best place to air these feelings, but it opens up an interesting conversation like suzanno mentioned earlier -- what are the responsibilities of a bride/bridesmaid?
maybe i feel this way because I've never been a bridesmaid -- i don't feel like someone "owes" me on my own wedding, and i don't expect friends of mine to overextend themselves financially just because i'm getting married.
I think the entire WIC has over-inflated weddings, brides and bridesmaids to this sad, materialistic point.
It would break my heart to know that any of my wedding plans were causing hardship on someone so special to me to the point of looking for help online. I would do everything possible to help or ease the situation because the wedding IS ONE DAY. TRUE FRIENDSHIP is supposed to be much deeper than that.
Agreed, missrae, and like I said, I totally understand her complaints and think a matching clutch is just the icing on a pretty expensive cake. I was just saying that since she's been given the opportunity to back out, to stay in and be in-your-face about it to the bride on the wedding day would be pretty bad friendship behavior, as well.
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