I'm going to second suzanno on how unreasonable I think your bride's demands are. I've only been a bridesmaid a couple times but each time my dress was paid for, I was advised to pick whatever shoes I wanted in a certain colour, and professional hair and makeup was optional (I did both myself). Both brides gave day-of earrings and necklaces as bridesmaids gifts, and there were no clutch/purse requirements.
Being a bridesmaid is about giving your friend your blessing and support and celebrating her marriage with her and her family. If this bride is choosing tangible items (clutch, dress, etc etc) over your friendship, bow out now and save yourself the trouble!
i may have missed this portion of it, but is this a local wedding for the bride and you don't live nearby? or is everyone flying in for a destination wedding?
Would it be possible to share a hotel room with another bm? that would save you a lot of money. unfortunately the cost of the dress and shoes, etc. is what it is, but you're smart to mention that you don't have to participate in a "spa" day.
Best of luck on the clutch issue--this seems to be a big bit of nonsense to me--if you absolutely *have* to have it for the bride's plan to be complete, can you buy a cream clutch of a dyeable material so you can use it again later?
The wedding's in Massachusettes and I'm in California. Most of her family is in Massachusettes. His family, however, is from the Netherlands. So it's mostly her side at this wedding. It's going to be a small wedding about 50 people or so.
Unfortunately, i can't share a hotel room with the other attendant (the MOH) b/c she's married and her husband is coming. Incredibly, NOT that I WOULD, the bride did suggest sharing a room with THEM!??! "They (hotels in general) do have double beds." UMMM NOoooooooooo! The fact that she would even suggest that is ludicrious!
Unless I can find cheap cream-colored or even off white sandals (TJMax, Ross, or Marshalls) to wear, I may just have to go with the Nordstrom ones. What puzzles me is that if we can wear whatever style shoes but that it has be cream-colored, isn't it going to look odd b/c I'm 100% sure that the cream-color of the MOH's is going to be a different color version of cream I'm getting...NOT that I'm going to mention this and create another issue! (that and the fact the dresses are long anyway so who's going to see regardless?!?!)
That and also cream-color with emerald green?!?! (that's going to another post when the dress arrives from Netbride.com)
Thank god, the wedding's not for another 3 months!
You can get dyeables from an online store. I got a $50 basic pair of strappy sandals from onlineshoes.com, free shipping, free exchanges. They pay for your shipping back. Zappos.com also has a good reputation.
To get inexpensive dyable shoes go to payless! My bridesmaids are paying for their own dress, shoes, mani - pedi, hair and make-up. I am puchasing their clutch, jewelry, and spa day for them. Most of my bm's think I'm going overboard and am doing too much for them. I don't know what the norm is. Every wedding I've been in has been different, but most cost me at least $500.
Though the bride my seem inconsiderate, the associated cost to being a bridesmaid should be made aware up front, either by the bride or by yourself through doing a little research. I was a bridesmaid to a very good friend and it ended up costing me approximately $3000, for a local wedding. However, I knew that my friend had very expensive taste and I knew the wedding is going to be grand because their budget was around $100K. But I knew what I was up for and I agreed to it up front. I think there is a bit of miscommunications between you guys and when the actual money goes out, both parties are surprised by how much it was going to cost. Hopefully, this won't damage the relationship too much and at the end of the day, you are still the best friends that you are.
Wow ladies ... I guess I have two of the most considerate and thrifty friends!! The first wedding I was in, my best friend picked dresses that were not only affordable but reusable. The shoes were from Payless and were also very affordable. My other best friend has asked me to be her MOH, which I'm finding to be a very different experience than being a bridesmaid and she found us a great steal on our dresses ($80!!). I have a feeling she is going to be a little more demanding on the shoes/accessories, but with the dress being a little cheaper, I don't mind.
I have been a bridesmaid in several weddings (5 to be exact) and I have never had a bride pay for my dress, shoes or hotel. One bride paid for my hair stylist, but that was also my "bridemaids" gift.
When I agree to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding, I know exactly what I'm getting into and what the potential costs will be. I pretty much expect a local wedding to be around $1000 and an OOT wedding to be $2000 (usually more of a wedding weekend and includes all of the expenses for myself and my fiance)
Yes, I agree, that requiring a matching bag is un-reasonable and un-necessary, but the dress, shoes, hotel, hair, makeup, travel costs, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and gifts are on the bridesmaid. Any expenses that the bride offers to cover, are an added bonus.
I know it's a lot, but remember there is a reason the bride asked YOU to be her bridesmaid and a resaon you said yes.
I agree with everything ynichole said. I have also been a bridesmaid a ridiculous number of times and only once (a wedding next month) has the bride paid for my dress. This is our gift and the dress was only 50 or 60 bucks. She did it because she was placing the order and just figured it would be easier to make that our gifts. Every other wedding I've been in, I've paid for my dress, shoes, hair, hotel, travel, and multiple gifts. Maybe the bride paying for all the dresses is a regional thing? Most of the weddings I've been in, our gifts have been our jewelry, etc. Two weddings I was in, the bride gave us little totes with our initials on them, not really a clutch, but we did carry them to the wedding, just put all our crap in there. But if we didn't have those, we would have just had regular purses I think. For my girls, I found a great deal on their dresses (originally 150, found them for 100), I'm letting them pick whatever black shoes they want to wear (it's a long dress, I could care less), I'll probably give them their jewelry, and I found these great purses that I can get with their first initial on them (LOVE them!), and then maybe something else small. My girls will be responsible for their hair, make up if they want it, hotel, and getting to the wedding. We're all out of town (including me!!), even though it's my home town. Haha. Anyway, bottom line, definitely try to talk to the bride, I'd say the negotiable items are the shoes and the clutch, for starters. Renting a car was probably just a suggestion and I highly doubt that she was saying that you HAD to do that. I have a friend that always suggests crazy stuff like that too, and I just take it with a grain of salt. She may have just been wanting to make sure you have a good time, saying you can go exploring etc. Don't feel like she is making you do that. Good luck!!
Ahh Missy. Hang in there darlin. If you ask me, your bride who is one of your best friends I assume, since youre in her wedding, should be sensitive to your financial situation, whatever it may be. Sure, people know it costs a lot to be in a wedding. But I dont think that means you should be REQUIRED to do anything but be a supportive and wonderful friend. I know you knew up front that you'd have to pay for your dress travel and lodging. I dont think that you should feel guilty in ANY WAY not being able to afford anything else outside of those three costs.
Come on people...dont put such high financial expectations on your best friends. I cant imagine that if my best friend couldnt be in my wedding cause she couldnt afford it, that I'd let her bow out and pick someone else with more money. I'd help her make it work. And NO, not by telling her how she can save more money each month.
Shes being unreasonable, period. Youve bought the dress, and the shoes and you're showing up...the best you can do is be a great friend to her...forking out more cash to do crap or buy crap for her wedding is not necessary AT ALL and if she's a true friend, she'll love you for being there for her, even if you're not dropping major cash on the day.
As far as shoes, wear what you can afford or what you already have. If shes asking you to wear a specific shoe, and its expensive, she should pay for them!!! I cant believe she hasnt even offered. I'm not quite sure that nowadays its standard for the bridesmaids to have to pay for shoes that are being worn once but I know if I were asked to buy a specific cream shoe for a wedding I'd be annoyed. I'll buy a shoe I want to wear and know will wear again, our you buy the freakin shoe for me. Thats just the way I feel. I bought all my BMs shoes because I felt that this might possibly be the only time they wear them. If they were cute black satin pumps I might have felt less bad about them having to pay for them, but they were ivory strappy sandals...not exactly shoes you wear even on a monthly basis, if at all.
And if she freaks out cause you cant afford a spa day...well...its time to reevaluate the friendship.
Or try going to a bridal store. They have tons of shoes that they send out to dye. Or look for ivory or white shoes. What is this chick going to do, inspect everything? If it's a long dress like you said, just get white or off white or whatever shoes, don't say anything to her about it, and just wear the stupid things. If she freaks out the day of her wedding about the color of your shoes that no one is going to see, girl has issues.
wait, so there are only two attendants total..? and 50 people? and her family lives there?
why can't she offer you a room to stay in at a family member's house? This seems weird to me with a wedding this small that you would stay in a hotel. unless you are uncomfortable staying at aunt suzy's house or whatever.
and i totally don't get this matchy-matchy clutch thing with two attendants and such a small wedding.
I kind of totally don't get the clutch. Are you walking down the aisle with it? Otherwise you are going to stash it on your table while you dance and never hold it....
Thank you SO MUCH ladies for the support...you have all "voiced" my thoughts exactly. I haven't been able to get in touch with the only other attendant, the MOH, who've I've been told by the bride herself doesn't seem so enthusiastic about her (MOH) position. (apparently the MOH was a total downer at the bridal shower)
I'm just waiting to see, I guess, the humor when the MOH and I show up in different shades/styles of cream-colored shoes...and that's when I will say "I TOLD YOU SO!"
She didn't offer me any family to stay with b/c apparently their houses are too small to accomodate another guest...her grandmother is senile so that's out of the question; she has a friend but she didn't feel comfortable asking her..(rolls eyes) I know her aunt and I bet it wouldn't be a problem but she (the bride) thinks her (the aunt's) place is too small. WHATEVER...my hotel is booked....she (the bride) is unbelievable all right!
As for the clutch..YEAH WHATEVER!
(oh I decided that b/c i'm spending 1k on HER wedding, she's not getting that gift I was planning to get from Tiffany's!! ;
You keep complaining about the flight and the hotel. Weren't you going as a guest if she hadn't asked you to be in the party? Would you have expected her to assist you with travel as a guest ? Would you have expected her to find lodging if you were attending as a guest? How do you expect someone to offer you lodging in someone else's home.
Honestly, you keep coming back with more comments trying to make your "friend" and the situation sound worse and worse when your complaints are the same. The majority of the people here agree with you. Why don't you let it go now?
Honestly, you should have just bowed out when she gave you the chance and you still should. I think you're really angry and you're going to bring all that negativity with you. I can't see how you can possibly stand up and be supportive with the feelings you are expressing here.
Whether it is expected or not expected for the bride to pay for dresses (and it looks like it's regional or varies by group of friends) and it is certainly not her job to find accomodations for you, but this is not the real issue.
I think what most bothers me is how mean and angry you sound when talking about your friend who considers you her best friend. I would hate to think that the women I treasure and depend on would be so nasty and mercenary about me on a public forum. We are all brides her and basically you would be my worst nightmare as far as wedding parties go - it seems to all be about you.
You seem less and less like a person with a valid concern and more and more like a whiny attention seeker. You were given the option to back out of the wedding party, you should do so and improve the situation for everyone.
Although I sympathize with your complaints, I echo others' sentiment that you need to be careful not to bring all that negativity to the wedding day. It's one thing to just flat-out not be able to afford something, but it's another to throw your conflicts in the bride's face the day of, you know? I think you've still got time to resolve these feelings within yourself and just accept that your friend isn't being the most considerate, but that she'll probably regain her sanity as soon as she leaves for her honeymoon, and that you'd rather her potentially be apologetic about what's gone on than focus on the bad vibes she picks up from you. Seriously, I don't mean to undermine the frustration of what you've been dealing with, but I do think that if you're going to go into it with a vendetta, you should back out. It's just not worth it and you'll have more fun as a guest.
MissyJenn -- Your last comment posted sounds b**y and nasty. Just drop out at this point. You come off self centered, revengeful, and just plain mean. I agree with vyeta7 -- the airfare and hotel room are expenses you would have inccured as a guest of the wedding and are NOT considered part of the bm expenses. The dress, shoes, and clutch are all reasonable bm expenses. If any of my bridesmaids behaved like you I would take it very personally and would see it as finding out who my friends really are. One of my bridesmaids is flying out from North Carolina and she gladly purchased her airfare and booked her hotel room without saying a sigle word to me about it, knowing that if she were not in my wedding she would be doing the same as a guest. I think you like to complain and your "friend" is getting married and you are not happy for her and want to make it all about yourself. You should have stopped posting while you were ahead.
To the board moderators -- I suggest you end this board now before this bm explodes.
I don't understand why some of y'all are being so nasty to this girl. I'm a bride, and I see her point of view entirely. maybe a public forum isn't the best place to air these feelings, but it opens up an interesting conversation like suzanno mentioned earlier -- what are the responsibilities of a bride/bridesmaid?
maybe i feel this way because I've never been a bridesmaid -- i don't feel like someone "owes" me on my own wedding, and i don't expect friends of mine to overextend themselves financially just because i'm getting married.
I think the entire WIC has over-inflated weddings, brides and bridesmaids to this sad, materialistic point.
It would break my heart to know that any of my wedding plans were causing hardship on someone so special to me to the point of looking for help online. I would do everything possible to help or ease the situation because the wedding IS ONE DAY. TRUE FRIENDSHIP is supposed to be much deeper than that.
Agreed, missrae, and like I said, I totally understand her complaints and think a matching clutch is just the icing on a pretty expensive cake. I was just saying that since she's been given the opportunity to back out, to stay in and be in-your-face about it to the bride on the wedding day would be pretty bad friendship behavior, as well.
I'm going to second suzanno on how unreasonable I think your bride's demands are. I've only been a bridesmaid a couple times but each time my dress was paid for, I was advised to pick whatever shoes I wanted in a certain colour, and professional hair and makeup was optional (I did both myself). Both brides gave day-of earrings and necklaces as bridesmaids gifts, and there were no clutch/purse requirements.
Being a bridesmaid is about giving your friend your blessing and support and celebrating her marriage with her and her family. If this bride is choosing tangible items (clutch, dress, etc etc) over your friendship, bow out now and save yourself the trouble!
posted by haliwood 3 months agoi may have missed this portion of it, but is this a local wedding for the bride and you don't live nearby? or is everyone flying in for a destination wedding?
Would it be possible to share a hotel room with another bm? that would save you a lot of money. unfortunately the cost of the dress and shoes, etc. is what it is, but you're smart to mention that you don't have to participate in a "spa" day.
Best of luck on the clutch issue--this seems to be a big bit of nonsense to me--if you absolutely *have* to have it for the bride's plan to be complete, can you buy a cream clutch of a dyeable material so you can use it again later?
posted by mrsbic 3 months agomrsBic-
The wedding's in Massachusettes and I'm in California. Most of her family is in Massachusettes. His family, however, is from the Netherlands. So it's mostly her side at this wedding. It's going to be a small wedding about 50 people or so.
Unfortunately, i can't share a hotel room with the other attendant (the MOH) b/c she's married and her husband is coming. Incredibly, NOT that I WOULD, the bride did suggest sharing a room with THEM!??! "They (hotels in general) do have double beds." UMMM NOoooooooooo! The fact that she would even suggest that is ludicrious!
Unless I can find cheap cream-colored or even off white sandals (TJMax, Ross, or Marshalls) to wear, I may just have to go with the Nordstrom ones. What puzzles me is that if we can wear whatever style shoes but that it has be cream-colored, isn't it going to look odd b/c I'm 100% sure that the cream-color of the MOH's is going to be a different color version of cream I'm getting...NOT that I'm going to mention this and create another issue! (that and the fact the dresses are long anyway so who's going to see regardless?!?!)
That and also cream-color with emerald green?!?! (that's going to another post when the dress arrives from Netbride.com)
Thank god, the wedding's not for another 3 months!
posted by MissyJenn 3 months agoYou can get dyeables from an online store. I got a $50 basic pair of strappy sandals from onlineshoes.com, free shipping, free exchanges. They pay for your shipping back. Zappos.com also has a good reputation.
posted by cyshas 3 months agoTo get inexpensive dyable shoes go to payless! My bridesmaids are paying for their own dress, shoes, mani - pedi, hair and make-up. I am puchasing their clutch, jewelry, and spa day for them. Most of my bm's think I'm going overboard and am doing too much for them. I don't know what the norm is. Every wedding I've been in has been different, but most cost me at least $500.
posted by caliocteach 3 months agoThough the bride my seem inconsiderate, the associated cost to being a bridesmaid should be made aware up front, either by the bride or by yourself through doing a little research. I was a bridesmaid to a very good friend and it ended up costing me approximately $3000, for a local wedding. However, I knew that my friend had very expensive taste and I knew the wedding is going to be grand because their budget was around $100K. But I knew what I was up for and I agreed to it up front. I think there is a bit of miscommunications between you guys and when the actual money goes out, both parties are surprised by how much it was going to cost. Hopefully, this won't damage the relationship too much and at the end of the day, you are still the best friends that you are.
posted by furelysse 3 months agoWow ladies ... I guess I have two of the most considerate and thrifty friends!! The first wedding I was in, my best friend picked dresses that were not only affordable but reusable. The shoes were from Payless and were also very affordable. My other best friend has asked me to be her MOH, which I'm finding to be a very different experience than being a bridesmaid and she found us a great steal on our dresses ($80!!). I have a feeling she is going to be a little more demanding on the shoes/accessories, but with the dress being a little cheaper, I don't mind.
posted by sherryleeman 3 months agoI have been a bridesmaid in several weddings (5 to be exact) and I have never had a bride pay for my dress, shoes or hotel. One bride paid for my hair stylist, but that was also my "bridemaids" gift.
When I agree to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding, I know exactly what I'm getting into and what the potential costs will be. I pretty much expect a local wedding to be around $1000 and an OOT wedding to be $2000 (usually more of a wedding weekend and includes all of the expenses for myself and my fiance)
Yes, I agree, that requiring a matching bag is un-reasonable and un-necessary, but the dress, shoes, hotel, hair, makeup, travel costs, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and gifts are on the bridesmaid. Any expenses that the bride offers to cover, are an added bonus.
I know it's a lot, but remember there is a reason the bride asked YOU to be her bridesmaid and a resaon you said yes.
posted by ynichole 3 months agoI agree with everything ynichole said. I have also been a bridesmaid a ridiculous number of times and only once (a wedding next month) has the bride paid for my dress. This is our gift and the dress was only 50 or 60 bucks. She did it because she was placing the order and just figured it would be easier to make that our gifts. Every other wedding I've been in, I've paid for my dress, shoes, hair, hotel, travel, and multiple gifts. Maybe the bride paying for all the dresses is a regional thing? Most of the weddings I've been in, our gifts have been our jewelry, etc. Two weddings I was in, the bride gave us little totes with our initials on them, not really a clutch, but we did carry them to the wedding, just put all our crap in there. But if we didn't have those, we would have just had regular purses I think. For my girls, I found a great deal on their dresses (originally 150, found them for 100), I'm letting them pick whatever black shoes they want to wear (it's a long dress, I could care less), I'll probably give them their jewelry, and I found these great purses that I can get with their first initial on them (LOVE them!), and then maybe something else small. My girls will be responsible for their hair, make up if they want it, hotel, and getting to the wedding. We're all out of town (including me!!), even though it's my home town. Haha. Anyway, bottom line, definitely try to talk to the bride, I'd say the negotiable items are the shoes and the clutch, for starters. Renting a car was probably just a suggestion and I highly doubt that she was saying that you HAD to do that. I have a friend that always suggests crazy stuff like that too, and I just take it with a grain of salt. She may have just been wanting to make sure you have a good time, saying you can go exploring etc. Don't feel like she is making you do that. Good luck!!
posted by LeahB 3 months agoAhh Missy. Hang in there darlin. If you ask me, your bride who is one of your best friends I assume, since youre in her wedding, should be sensitive to your financial situation, whatever it may be. Sure, people know it costs a lot to be in a wedding. But I dont think that means you should be REQUIRED to do anything but be a supportive and wonderful friend. I know you knew up front that you'd have to pay for your dress travel and lodging. I dont think that you should feel guilty in ANY WAY not being able to afford anything else outside of those three costs.
Come on people...dont put such high financial expectations on your best friends. I cant imagine that if my best friend couldnt be in my wedding cause she couldnt afford it, that I'd let her bow out and pick someone else with more money. I'd help her make it work. And NO, not by telling her how she can save more money each month.
Shes being unreasonable, period. Youve bought the dress, and the shoes and you're showing up...the best you can do is be a great friend to her...forking out more cash to do crap or buy crap for her wedding is not necessary AT ALL and if she's a true friend, she'll love you for being there for her, even if you're not dropping major cash on the day.
As far as shoes, wear what you can afford or what you already have. If shes asking you to wear a specific shoe, and its expensive, she should pay for them!!! I cant believe she hasnt even offered. I'm not quite sure that nowadays its standard for the bridesmaids to have to pay for shoes that are being worn once but I know if I were asked to buy a specific cream shoe for a wedding I'd be annoyed. I'll buy a shoe I want to wear and know will wear again, our you buy the freakin shoe for me. Thats just the way I feel. I bought all my BMs shoes because I felt that this might possibly be the only time they wear them. If they were cute black satin pumps I might have felt less bad about them having to pay for them, but they were ivory strappy sandals...not exactly shoes you wear even on a monthly basis, if at all.
And if she freaks out cause you cant afford a spa day...well...its time to reevaluate the friendship.
posted by penguin 3 months agoI don't think you really need to go the Nordstrom's route for shoes. I googled "Dyeable shoes" and came up with a ton of options:
http://www.qualitybridalshoes.com/sandals.html
http://payless.resultspage.com/search?p=Q&srid=S2-3&ts=custom&lbc=payless&uid=513784222&w=Womens+Dyeable&cm_mmc=Google-_-Womens%20Dyeable-_-N%2fA-_-dyeable%20shoes
Or try going to a bridal store. They have tons of shoes that they send out to dye. Or look for ivory or white shoes. What is this chick going to do, inspect everything? If it's a long dress like you said, just get white or off white or whatever shoes, don't say anything to her about it, and just wear the stupid things. If she freaks out the day of her wedding about the color of your shoes that no one is going to see, girl has issues.
posted by jma19 3 months agowait, so there are only two attendants total..? and 50 people? and her family lives there?
why can't she offer you a room to stay in at a family member's house? This seems weird to me with a wedding this small that you would stay in a hotel. unless you are uncomfortable staying at aunt suzy's house or whatever.
and i totally don't get this matchy-matchy clutch thing with two attendants and such a small wedding.
posted by missrae 3 months agoI kind of totally don't get the clutch. Are you walking down the aisle with it? Otherwise you are going to stash it on your table while you dance and never hold it....
posted by LaborDayBride 3 months agoThank you SO MUCH ladies for the support...you have all "voiced" my thoughts exactly. I haven't been able to get in touch with the only other attendant, the MOH, who've I've been told by the bride herself doesn't seem so enthusiastic about her (MOH) position. (apparently the MOH was a total downer at the bridal shower)
I'm just waiting to see, I guess, the humor when the MOH and I show up in different shades/styles of cream-colored shoes...and that's when I will say "I TOLD YOU SO!"
She didn't offer me any family to stay with b/c apparently their houses are too small to accomodate another guest...her grandmother is senile so that's out of the question; she has a friend but she didn't feel comfortable asking her..(rolls eyes) I know her aunt and I bet it wouldn't be a problem but she (the bride) thinks her (the aunt's) place is too small. WHATEVER...my hotel is booked....she (the bride) is unbelievable all right!
As for the clutch..YEAH WHATEVER!
(oh I decided that b/c i'm spending 1k on HER wedding, she's not getting that gift I was planning to get from Tiffany's!! ;
posted by MissyJenn 2 months agoOk, I guess I'm not getting this.
You keep complaining about the flight and the hotel. Weren't you going as a guest if she hadn't asked you to be in the party? Would you have expected her to assist you with travel as a guest ? Would you have expected her to find lodging if you were attending as a guest? How do you expect someone to offer you lodging in someone else's home.
Honestly, you keep coming back with more comments trying to make your "friend" and the situation sound worse and worse when your complaints are the same. The majority of the people here agree with you. Why don't you let it go now?
Honestly, you should have just bowed out when she gave you the chance and you still should. I think you're really angry and you're going to bring all that negativity with you. I can't see how you can possibly stand up and be supportive with the feelings you are expressing here.
posted by mascott25 2 months agoWhether it is expected or not expected for the bride to pay for dresses (and it looks like it's regional or varies by group of friends) and it is certainly not her job to find accomodations for you, but this is not the real issue.
I think what most bothers me is how mean and angry you sound when talking about your friend who considers you her best friend. I would hate to think that the women I treasure and depend on would be so nasty and mercenary about me on a public forum. We are all brides her and basically you would be my worst nightmare as far as wedding parties go - it seems to all be about you.
You seem less and less like a person with a valid concern and more and more like a whiny attention seeker. You were given the option to back out of the wedding party, you should do so and improve the situation for everyone.
posted by vyeta7 2 months agoAlthough I sympathize with your complaints, I echo others' sentiment that you need to be careful not to bring all that negativity to the wedding day. It's one thing to just flat-out not be able to afford something, but it's another to throw your conflicts in the bride's face the day of, you know? I think you've still got time to resolve these feelings within yourself and just accept that your friend isn't being the most considerate, but that she'll probably regain her sanity as soon as she leaves for her honeymoon, and that you'd rather her potentially be apologetic about what's gone on than focus on the bad vibes she picks up from you. Seriously, I don't mean to undermine the frustration of what you've been dealing with, but I do think that if you're going to go into it with a vendetta, you should back out. It's just not worth it and you'll have more fun as a guest.
posted by amysue 2 months agoMissyJenn -- Your last comment posted sounds b**y and nasty. Just drop out at this point. You come off self centered, revengeful, and just plain mean. I agree with vyeta7 -- the airfare and hotel room are expenses you would have inccured as a guest of the wedding and are NOT considered part of the bm expenses. The dress, shoes, and clutch are all reasonable bm expenses. If any of my bridesmaids behaved like you I would take it very personally and would see it as finding out who my friends really are. One of my bridesmaids is flying out from North Carolina and she gladly purchased her airfare and booked her hotel room without saying a sigle word to me about it, knowing that if she were not in my wedding she would be doing the same as a guest. I think you like to complain and your "friend" is getting married and you are not happy for her and want to make it all about yourself. You should have stopped posting while you were ahead.
To the board moderators -- I suggest you end this board now before this bm explodes.
posted by caliocteach 2 months agoI don't understand why some of y'all are being so nasty to this girl. I'm a bride, and I see her point of view entirely. maybe a public forum isn't the best place to air these feelings, but it opens up an interesting conversation like suzanno mentioned earlier -- what are the responsibilities of a bride/bridesmaid?
maybe i feel this way because I've never been a bridesmaid -- i don't feel like someone "owes" me on my own wedding, and i don't expect friends of mine to overextend themselves financially just because i'm getting married.
I think the entire WIC has over-inflated weddings, brides and bridesmaids to this sad, materialistic point.
It would break my heart to know that any of my wedding plans were causing hardship on someone so special to me to the point of looking for help online. I would do everything possible to help or ease the situation because the wedding IS ONE DAY. TRUE FRIENDSHIP is supposed to be much deeper than that.
posted by missrae 2 months agoAgreed, missrae, and like I said, I totally understand her complaints and think a matching clutch is just the icing on a pretty expensive cake. I was just saying that since she's been given the opportunity to back out, to stay in and be in-your-face about it to the bride on the wedding day would be pretty bad friendship behavior, as well.
posted by amysue 2 months ago