- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Sometimes ya just gotta laugh. Sorry this is so long, but I’m on a roll LOL.
Here’s my situation:
I need a third bridesmaid or bridesman (LOL I have no idea what to call it). Why do you ask? WHY?! Because my FI has 3 on his side, two men and a groomswoman, and we don’t want her to stick out like a sour thumb or feel uncomfortable if I only have 2 bridesmaids on my side, making people wonder, uh, what’s with the girl on his side?
Now then, I can choose my brother, but I have 3 brothers and so it begs the question of the attendees: “Where are the other brothers?” Well, the eldest, everyone will be reminded, had a huge falling out with my parents/family and the youngest, well, he kinda sorta molested me when I was younger. So yeah. Brother #3 is the only one remaining. He and I have had our differences in the past but I’m willing to overlook them in light of happier memories. Choosing my brother would help balance the groomswoman on FI’s side.
I can choose my girlfriend, who in the past has skimmed near the line of thinking flirtatiously of my FI (commenting on his nice legs, etc.) FI hasn’t heard any of it, but I have and it’s been irksome. She has since seen the error of her ways as reflected to her by a mutual friend acting similarly, and so she has toned it down some. She is also the kind of person that always has to say something about how I look when we see each other, always something to correct, so I’m not sure I want her around me when I’m getting ready. However, she has been extremely supportive with all things wedding, emotionally, logistically, and so it would be nice to honor her.
This is how I got in this situation:
Months ago I asked an old friend of mine to consider being in the bridal party and got a cold response. Turns out she was upset at me and wanted to address certain things about the friendship, mainly, her wanting to spend more time with me and having more time to share points of her life. This same friend was once in love with me and to varying/lessening degrees has been mighty possessive of my time and critical of my choices. I’ve grown to standup to her since and well, you can read more of the long sordid tale here:
So, we recently squared things away via email. But every time I said what *I* needed from the friendship I never got confirmation from her that she understood or acknowledged my requests. It was at the end of a recent video chat (we live across the country on opposite coasts) that I expressed my appreciation for her approaching me and so, “we have an understanding between us now, right?” I got a mild acknowledgement, but I could tell she was happier to have my undivided attention and so, fine, things were better now. I said nothing about the wedding during any of these exchanges as to concentrate solely on *her*. She didn’t ask anything about the wedding either.
Well, I figured what the hey, I’m at least going to uphold my end of the bargain here and so I emailed her a handy reference basically saying hey, it’s been since November since I asked you to consider being the bridal party. Now that we know more details of the wedding, here are the details for you to make a sound decision. We’d love for you to be a bridesmaid and here’s what would be expected of you as such traditionally (also pointing out where I would be more lenient to allow her to choose her shoe style, hair, makeup, what have you.) If you can be a bridesmaid, great. If you can’t but you can still attend the wedding, great. If you can’t attend at all, we will miss you and you will be in our hearts that day. No pressure, we understand the constraints of life nowadays and that is it a lot to ask, but we at least wanted to ask because that is what you mean to us. I gave her a week to response. No response.
Instead, a few days later, I get an email from her saying “let’s meet for another video chat! are you free on such and such date?” Um. Wait a minute. I know she got my bridesmaid email — I checked and I definitely replied to the same email address she’s always had. Here she is pulling the same manipulative b.s. and for some reason can’t get over the wedding stuff. Ugh. I’d like to say, “No. No, I’m not free, actually. I’m not free unless you at least acknowledge something about the fact that I just asked you…again…with what I thought was newfound understanding…to be a bridesmaid.” Ah well. I’m done pouring energy into this person!