(Closed) Bridesmaid hasn’t confirmed whether she’s bringing a date 12 days before wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3943 posts
Honey bee

@mkewed2010: Ya, thats annoying especially from a bridesmaid. There could be something going on with their relationship or something, since its pretty new. I would do exactly what you said-call her tonight and say you need to give your venue an accurate headcount so you need an answer.

Post # 4
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just let her know the caterer needs final numbers (even if not quite yet) and you need to finalize the seating plan.  Say that if you do not hear back from her otherwise by [24 hours] you will assume she is not bringing a date.  This puts the onus on her if she wants him there.  And if she does get back to you and say a variant on “well, I’m not sure so put him down yes” at that point mention the part about not wanting to pay for a dinner that may not be eaten, and needing to know for certain.  (I’d honestly be bugged enough to state that others were able to make this decision by the RSVP date of X, even though I know that you shouldn’t say that.)

ETA: I agree with other posters, they could be breaking up.  If you can figure out a seating plan with and without him, do so.  And be very nice on the phone – yes the wedding day is impt, but so is being there for your friends when they need it.

Post # 5
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yeah definitely call tonight. If he had a possible work conflict or something legit she would have said so by now, and would have told you a date when she’d have an answer for you. It sounds like they’re breaking up.

Post # 7
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yea, it sounds like there’s likely some trouble in paradise that is making her so unsure. She doesn’t want to say no in the event that things look up, but to say yes and have him not show is … well embarrassing. I’d call, but make sure to be nice. I know that you’re under stress, but if this is what it seems like, then she is too. If you get voicemail, then make an executive decision one way or the other and let her deal with the consequence.

Post # 8
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d call to talk, ask how she’s doing and how things are going in the relationship (but as part of the convo, not a barrage of questions off the bat).  They might be fighting or otherwise in flux.  After you listen (and offer whatever life advice you would if not for the wedding), if she still hasn’t given you an answer, gently say you’ll need one by tomorrow because of the caterer. 

I know it must be frustrating not to know yet, but remember to be her friend as well as a bride 🙂

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