Post # 1
Ok so someone let me know if I’m being a bridezilla/hounding my bridesmaid. The last time I talked to her (about a month ago?) she didn’t know whether she was bringing him or not. So I texted her last week to ask her if she was bringing him or not. I also called and left a message because it had been so long since we’ve talked last. Two days later I got a text saying “Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you, things have been crazy busy”. But no answer. So I texted her saying, “If he’s coming can you let me know what he’s going to eat and his last name (its a new boyfriend I’ve never met)”. Then Friday I texted her to let me know by today, since I figured since they’ve only beeng dating for a few months she hadn’t asked him yet. I am getting really frustrated and need to know whether he’s coming or not! Its fortunate that my count isn’t due until 3 days before the wedding, but still! Am I being ridiculous by being aggravated? I know that the wedding isn’t everyone’s top priority, but shouldn’t I know my guest count! I am calling her tonight to see, and if she hasn’t asked him I’ll tell her that I can’t pay for a dinner for someone who we’re not sure is coming. Is that rude? Vent over.
Post # 3
@mkewed2010: Ya, thats annoying especially from a bridesmaid. There could be something going on with their relationship or something, since its pretty new. I would do exactly what you said-call her tonight and say you need to give your venue an accurate headcount so you need an answer.
Post # 4
Just let her know the caterer needs final numbers (even if not quite yet) and you need to finalize the seating plan. Say that if you do not hear back from her otherwise by [24 hours] you will assume she is not bringing a date. This puts the onus on her if she wants him there. And if she does get back to you and say a variant on “well, I’m not sure so put him down yes” at that point mention the part about not wanting to pay for a dinner that may not be eaten, and needing to know for certain. (I’d honestly be bugged enough to state that others were able to make this decision by the RSVP date of X, even though I know that you shouldn’t say that.)
ETA: I agree with other posters, they could be breaking up. If you can figure out a seating plan with and without him, do so. And be very nice on the phone – yes the wedding day is impt, but so is being there for your friends when they need it.
Post # 5
Yeah definitely call tonight. If he had a possible work conflict or something legit she would have said so by now, and would have told you a date when she’d have an answer for you. It sounds like they’re breaking up.
Post # 6
@Moja Milosc: She told me that he’s a commitment-phobe so I think she wanted to wait as long as possible to ask him. She also mentioned him maybe going to a concert that weekend with friends, but wouldn’t he know by now???
Post # 7
Yea, it sounds like there’s likely some trouble in paradise that is making her so unsure. She doesn’t want to say no in the event that things look up, but to say yes and have him not show is … well embarrassing. I’d call, but make sure to be nice. I know that you’re under stress, but if this is what it seems like, then she is too. If you get voicemail, then make an executive decision one way or the other and let her deal with the consequence.
Post # 8
I’d call to talk, ask how she’s doing and how things are going in the relationship (but as part of the convo, not a barrage of questions off the bat). They might be fighting or otherwise in flux. After you listen (and offer whatever life advice you would if not for the wedding), if she still hasn’t given you an answer, gently say you’ll need one by tomorrow because of the caterer.
I know it must be frustrating not to know yet, but remember to be her friend as well as a bride 🙂
Post # 9
Hmm…I’ve tried to call and not mention wedding stuff but no phone call back 🙁 They just made things “facebook official” like yesterday so I hope that nothings wrong. I do just want to talk to her and catch up, but I know she’s super swamped and doesn’t have time to talk, so hence the text messages. Thanks everyone for your support and giving me a place to vent!