Bridesmaid hasn't ordered her dress

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d wait until you have to order the programs (typically 2, 3 months out) before dropping her.  She’s a big girl; if this was important to her she would get it done.

By waiting until you have to order the programs, that’s the latest possible date she could order her dress and reasonably expect it to arrive before the wedding.

Two of my three gals were “late” in getting their style numbers and sizes to me.  But as soon as I said, “Hey, I need this information and this is why” they immediately responded.  If she’s been flaky about this already, I wouldn’t push her too much about it.  Just let her drop the ball on her own.

 

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would say nothing. If she doesn’t order her dress, she’s not in the wedding. If she leaves it too late and you can’t be there to put down the deposit, she’s not in the wedding. It doesn’t seem like she’ll be too upset about it.

TBH I think she’s sending you a message loud and clear – she doesn’t want to be in the wedding, but she’s too cowardly to just step down. So let her do the slow fade.

Post # 5
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MissKit:  She knows that she needs to order it by the end of April, so leave it alone, if she does, great, if not, you know that she’s just not going to….and pressing her and putting more stress on you is not going to help, so a reminthroes the deadline is fine, but anything else is just going to upset you more, protecting yourself and feelings should be first.

Post # 6
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissKit:  I think you should stick with your original deadline of April 30th. If she can’t stick to the first deadline, why would she stick to the second? The end of April gives her plenty of time to order the dress, and if she doesn’t do it by then, I would give her the boot.

 

Either way, just make sure she knows how important the deadline is. You need to straight up tell her that if she doesn’t order the dress by the deadline (whichever date you choose it to be), she won’t be in your wedding. End of story. That way she knows exactly what the consequences are and won’t have standing to complain later.

 

Post # 7
Member
3698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

More important question, do you actually WANT this girl to stand up for you in your wedding?

I’d call her/text/email, whatever I had to do and straight up ask her if she wants to be in the wedding. If not, you know and can deal with it.

Post # 8
Member
9394 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you told her April 30th was the deadline you should give her until then and stop bringing it up so much.  Maybe if it’s the last week of April and she hasn’t ordered it yet I would send her a message and remind her of the deadline to get it ordered by.  If she doesn’t get it ordered by then at least it’s her that dropped the ball on her own.

What was the point of giving them until April 30 if you are going to spend your time trying to get them to order it way in advance of April 30? 

I don’t know what’s going on with her…do you?  Is she really busy?  Is something going on? Is she having financial problems?  I do understand that it’s frustrating when people won’t respond to you though.  Are you coming across negatively/nagging at all to her?  Or maybe she doesn’t want to be a BM..in which case if she doesn’t order it then you can offer to let her drop out!

Post # 9
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You don’t ahve to kick her out, it sounds like she can take care of that on her own.  I would call and leave a message that you understand she is busy but you want to let her know she has until April 30 to order her dress.  I wouldn’t call her anymore until after the deadline.

When April 30 comes and goes and she still has not ordered her dress, I would call her back to check on her (just seeing if you’re okay since you never ordered the dress, I was worried about you, etc…)

I would give her two to three days to respond and if she still does not respond, I would call her one final time to say you hope she’s okay but you had to let her know that since she didn’t order her dress in time and she’s not responding to you, you are assuming that she does not want to be your bridesmaid and therefore you will move forward with the wedding as if she is not.

If she doesn’t order her dress by the deadline at the end of April, she is telling you in her own way that she doesn’t want to be your bridesmaid.  She is too afraid or too stressed to actually tell you.  Maybe she has something going on in her life right now that she needs to deal with first and your wedding is not on her mind.  Or maybe she’s being jerk and is tired of hearing about your wedding.  If it’s a friendship you really want to keep, why not check on her in person to see if she is okay?  It might be something she doesn’t want to discuss over the phone or she may not want to rain on your parade with her bad news.  Or she could still just be being a bee-yotch.

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You gave her to the end of the month, she knows this.  Alot of people don’t realize it will take 1/2 hour  to get yoru dress fitted.  If she makes no moves to get the dress then you feel you ahve to cut her.

Post # 11
Member
3145 posts
Sugar bee

@MissKit:  If you want her to be in your wedding, you should push her to get fitted and pay. I think that usually the store doesn’t order the dresses until all have been ordered so she is holding up the other girls. That’s not fair to them and you.

Post # 13
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

“but I still can’t make promises”

It sounds to me like she clearly doesn’t want to be your bridesmaid.  I would do the slow-fade as others have suggested and wait for her to contact you.  Just bear in mind that may mean waiting not only until after your wedding but maybe even a few years into your marriage.  She’s just not that into you; if she was, she would be calling you back and getting that dress ordered ASAP.

Post # 14
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@geekspice:  completely agree. I would let the bridesmaid choose. She will by ordering or not ordering.

Post # 16
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would see what happens by the April 30 deadline. Shortly after, I would try to meet for lunch and have a chat to try to catch up and bring up the dress. If she hasn’t gotten fitted/ordered yet, I’d just be honest with her and try to feel out where she’s at with either being in or out. You have plenty of time, I’m sure it’ll work out for the best either way.

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