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I am having a very small wedding one bridesmaid so I guess that would make her my MOH. I have picked out 2 dresses and told her to give me her thoughts on each one (probably my 1st mistake) I was her MOH in her wedding and I hated my dress, but I didn't say anything becuase it wasn't my wedding it was her wedding. I just do not know what to do about this. All the dresses are under $200. She wants me to pay for it, I paid for my dress for her wedding.......... she says they are going to show to much cleavage...... She wants me to send the photos of the dresses to her mom so her mother can decide. I refuse to do that because her mother HATES everything anyone picks out. Here are the dresses. i don't think either are to reveling, and look classy. The wedding colors are burnt orang and ivory and brown. So the dress would probably be mocha with ivory trim and the off the shoulder one i'm not sure just yet.
but does anyone have any tips for this?
Dress 1 : http://www.morilee.com/bridesmaids/affairs/835
Dress 2 : http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=707b85e7-8eb7-41ad-8b12-4e54980b26a2&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=2&colorId1=
Link 3 is MIA. She probably doesn't want to pay so much for dresses that are obviously BM dresses and not rewearable. Ask her to find a few dresses she likes and send them to you so you can find common ground.
I don't think you picked outrageous dresses, so if you choose to tell her to just deal with it, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Especially since you said you didn't like but had to pay for your BM dress in her own wedding. I agree with PP on having her show you a dress she likes, and try to find a common ground. For me I let the girls pick their own dresses and "supervised," but for me, they're the ones wearing them not me so I wasn't that worried about picking a style that I preferred. That may not be how you feel, and if not then ultimately it is your day..
Since you're just having one BM can you just tell her to pick her own dress in a certain color and length?
@KristenGotMarried: I agree with this.
Why don't the two of you take a day and go shopping and find something you both like? There's no reason to make your MOH miserable by wearing a dress she doesn't like (even if you did the same for her in her wedding). $200 is also a lot to spend on a dress IMO, especially a dress that screams bridesmaid and she won't be able to wear it again.
I love the dress in the first link. Very pretty and classy. When I was getting married, I picked out several dresses in different styles for my bridesmaids and asked them for their opinion. Then after taking their thoughts into consideration, I chose a dress that everyone seemed to like and agree on. Though this worked for me, it was a lot of listening to others opinions, which can be more time consuming that just picking it out yourself.
#1 is SO pretty!! How in the world would that show cleavage? I say just pick that one. :)
Perhaps go shopping together? I bet you could find a dress that you both love. :)
I would gently remind her that you wore the dress of her choosing and paid for it. I would also throw in what I really thought of it, but that is just me.
I see this alot and in this case I think its aboslutely acceptable, especially since you paid for, and wore with a smile, the dress of her choosing. Time for her to give you the same consideration.
I have no advice on how to deal with this but I personally like both (I don't agree with your MOHs comments at all) and they are both rewearable (the second one more so).
@KristenGotMarried: Agreed
Neither of them are ugly but they are obviously bridesmaid dresses. If you only have one dress to find why not use it as an opportunity to pick something she'll wear again?
@futuretrent: Those dresses are DARLING and beautiful and classy.
Why don't you ask her what she is looking for in a dress and say that you will consider those attributes and find another couple dresses for her to choose from. If, after your attempt to compromise, she persists and says no or that she wants her mom to see them (????? what the heck for ?????? Can she not decide for herself? Just to give you a hard time since the mom doesn't like anything ever?) then I would remind her that you were gracious to bend to her taste for her wedding and ask her to please bend to your taste for your wedding. If not, I would give her the option to not be a BM. Good luck!
Is it possible that maybe she is having financial problems and can't afford these dresses? Could that be why she is having these demands? Maybe she is embarassed and it trying to deflect?
Either way they are both lovely.
The first dress by Mori Lee is actually what my bridesmaids wore (in Metallic Sage) and they looked beautiful and perfectly respectable. I had four BM's of different sizes, heck one was 7 months pregnant and they all looked great.
Good Luck, I hope you can come to an agreement on something that will work for the both of you.
the first one definitely wouldnt show too much cleavage!
maybe ask her to pick 5 that she likes to show you - maybe youd find one from her list that you like or love as well.
otherwise id remind her how it was when u were her moh!
Take her shopping or ask her what she likes and look something that includes her likings and yours.
Random theory: is your bridesmaid busty? Neither of those dresses look very low cut on the model, but I can see how they might be on someone with a bigger chest. Especially since they would both require a strapless bra.
@futuretrent: I dont like either one and I wouldnt feel comfortable wearing them somewhere else. Why not go shopping together and pick something out..there are MILLIONS of bridesmaid dresses and you should probably find something that shes comfortable in, unless you plan on paying for it. I didnt give my bridesmaids a choice in their dresses, i just bought them off the rack. But then again I paid for mine.
I don't particularly care for either of those dresses, but I don't think your MOH is being a good sport about this either. You wore the ugly dress she wanted for her wedding.
I think you should have her send you pics of some dresses she does like, and can pay for herself, and you can see if you like any of them.
I love both dresses.. the second one is one I had considered for my bridesmaids and Id totally wear that again its not too fancy to wear I dont think its "Obviously" a bridesmaids dress. and further its YOUR wedding.. she picked the dress you wore in her wedding and you paid for it.. I would tell her here is the two dresses you are welcome to try them on.. if you dont want to wear either of them I suggest you come as a guest.. I know that sounds harsh but seriously.. I actually picked out a few dresses and my bridesmaids tried them all on.. they liked one I had picked better than my favorite..but they all tried it on and it looked good on so I said ok.. but if I didnt like it they woulndt have gotten it.. being a bridesmaid is an honor..she should do what makes you happy. I have a bridesmaids issue I am going to post shortly..
what body shape is your MOH? i like the dresses and i would really like them in a wedding but as long as im not the one wearing them. i have breast and would feel more comfortable with strap support and im self conscious about my middle and the fabric looks unforgiving
A couple of bees are worried about your MOH being busty and the dresses not working. Like I said in my earlier post my BM's wore dress #1 and two of them are extremely busty and they worked perfectly.
My MOH is not busty at all she is a B maybe small C chest weighs like 110 pounds. Me myself am 129 D chest so I don't consider her to be very large chested.
The problem with taking her shopping is she live 13 hours out of state b/c her husband is with the navy so she goes with him. I know for a fact she is not having fininical problems as we both very openly discuss fianances, etc. These photos below are the dress that she wanted
Dress 1 she wanted : http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=ae191d32-6086-41dd-bc7c-8576b77e1c4c&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=2&colorId1=
dress 2: http://www.morilee.com/bridesmaids/bridesmaids/638
i just really do not think that around $200 is alot to ask since I paid over $500 for her wedding as I was MADE get a pedicure, manicure, pay someone for my hair.
The manicure I could understand, but the pedicure I could not understand as it was floor length dresses.
I have nothing against long dresses, just it is going to be an outdoor wedding in the summer/spring so I was trying to keep her as confortable as possible. Thanks for everyones input.
She wanted me in this dress
Which is fine the dress is elegant, but I chose this gown:
I am aware my dress is strapless, but it doesn't make my breasts hang out and is very elegant on.
I just want to keep her happy! I am no askign she pay to have hair, nails done , etc. Am I the one being unreasonable?
Oh and we plan on going shopping when it gets closer we are going to meet half way we are just trying to get on somewhat of the same page. but obvisouly it isn't working that well....
@julies1949: Thaks for the photos julies I couldn't get them to show up when I tried it!
Does she wear a lot of strapless? I know some of my friends just feel uncomfortable in them and they aren't busty. What are your thoughts on the dresses she suggested? And have you looked at Jasmine's B2 collection? They're in the $170ish range, we're getting those for a friend's wedding and they seemed of nice quality.
Holy moly on the stuff you had to get for her wedding! I'd have stomped my foot down hard on that stuff. (except hair, i am incapable lol)
Can I be honest and say that I like the Alfred Angelo dress she picked way better than the ones you picked? It's super cute, fits nicely with your dress, it's appropriate for an outdoor wedding in the spring, she likes it... Do you just not like it?
I do agree with making her pay for her own dress though. Just tell her than it's not in your budget to cover her dress.
@futuretrent: I think they were right around $125 definitely less than $150 with shipping. They were a great deal.
Also they came with a matching wrap, maybe that would make her feel a little better?
Looking at the dresses she picked, she may be VERY self concious about her bust. Just because you don't think she's busty doesn't mean she doesn't think she's busty. At 110 and a small C she may think she is very busty (I know I would at 125 and having a small b...110 and a C is huge to me), plus she may be very conservative.
I think that you guys should wait until a little closer to the wedding before picking bridesmaids styles. There are still at least 2 seasons of dresses before your wedding and there may be something out there that you guys can agree on together.
I also second what PP recommended. Maybe you should plan a weekend with her to go bm dress shopping closer to the wedding.
HTH
Edit: the first dress (AA) is very flattering on...sorry
I don't understand why her MOM should have a say in what she wears to your wedding. Isn't she grown up and married herself? Did I read that right?
Personally I love the 2nd dress (Alfred Angelo). I'm heavily leaning towards that one for my 2 girls. We were told that you could get small spaghetti sraps put on since 1 of the girls hates strapless. Maybe run that by her?
I agree with the poster that mentioned that the 2 dresses she picked, shows that she is prob conservative when it comes to her breasts, both dresses she picked cover it all up to the neck.
So regardless if you feel she shouldn't act like she is busty, her choices show otherwise.
What do you think of her choices? Personally, I like her first choice better then your two choices, but thats just my taste.
I don't mind long dresses, I just don't see them being good for the beach, plus long dresses usually cost more.
I do not want her covered up to her neck in material this is my wedding remember?
@edub: I have no idea either!! Yes she is married moved 16 hours away from home and living her own life now I really do not understand! If it looks AWFUL on her obvisouly I won't make her get it I dont want to make her look like shit.
@jpalm13: Thanks :) and yes her wedding dress was freaking strapless so I don't understand the problem plus her chest was a full C at that point now she has lost ALOT of weight. plus she doesn;t want to buy a dress she wants someone she knows to make one for her designed to her speicfications. So apparently I don't have a say what so ever in anything
@jpalm13: Yes we have looked at the Jasmine, the place where I bought my dress actually had one she really liked here is the one she liked :
Which is fine I just am not a fan of TAFFETA
I just don't understand why she is fine with this dress and wont wear any of the 2 I picked.
Thanks everyone for all your input! My dress comes in sometime in April/May so I think if she can find someway to get around here from out of state we are going to have a girls weekend and discuss somethings and hopefully find a middle ground. I think the communcating over email is causing a miscommuncation! Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving and have a Merry Christmas!
First - let me say I have the feeling communicating over email is a mistake.
Now, I think the dresses you chose are pretty. Very pretty. However, being a busty girl (D-DD) I would be really uncomfortable in the second dress. As it was, when I was a bridemaid the dress was a sheath and strapless, not made for girls with a bust at all and I found a way to make it work. It can be done, but it can be very daunting if she's self-conscious about it.
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