Post # 1
so i joined this blog because i am having a lot of trouble with choosing my bridesmaids. My sister is my maid of honor and I have my three best friends as my bridesmaids (hopefully they all can do it) but now i am not sure if i should be asking my future husbands sister in law. his brother will be the best man, and i have good relationships with his brother and wife (some ups and downs), and i dont want any hard feelings between us, but i just dont feel like there is a place for her, because i am not having any family (except my sister) for bridesmaids and none of them are even married. his wife will have just had a baby, and i know she will be busy with him and wont be able to give the bridal party her full attention understandably so. she will also be living accross the country and probably wont even make it to my bridal shower or anything, so she wotn be able to offer herself 100%. i still want her involved liek if we do any funny dances or soemthing because i know her husband wont feel comfortable unless he dances with her, which i understand, so she will be in family pictures, dances etc. she jsut wont be a “bridesmaid” is that mean of me? i am not even asking my two aunts who are my absolute best friends because they also have little children and said they would feel too old since the rest of the bridesmaids are young. what do you girls thing?
Post # 3
I think that it’s appropriate that since she will have a new baby, that you not ask her. You’re right, she will be busy! In fact, I’d bring it up with her if you think she’s expecting to be asked, but chances are, she’s not. Just include her and she’ll probably be happy to be a part of the festivities!
Post # 4
I didn’t ask my fiance’s SIL, and we’re pretty good friends. I don’t think it’s necessary
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s mean of you at all. If she (or Fiance or FI’s brother) ever brings it up, you can always say you didn’t want to stress her out any more than she’ll already be with the baby.
Post # 6
I don’t think that she will want to be a bridesmaid since she will be having a new baby to take care of. I would ask her to be sure but I woulnd’t be offended at all.
Post # 7
I think its your choice, and you dont have to feel obliged to give her a spot in the bridal party, how bout give her a reading at the ceremony??
Post # 8
I don’t think it will be a big deal if you don’t have her as a bridesmaid. If would like her to be part of the wedding party in some other capacity then that might be nice (reader, etc). Our wedding party is really small (my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and my Fiance best friend as his bestman). His sister is doing the first reading, my brother is doing the second reading and usher, and FI’s BIL is an usher so they can also have special roles in our day.
Post # 9
Her having a baby is a totally valid reason to prevent her from being able to fully be a bridesmaid, and I think anyone would understand. I think you’re right on to have her dance with her hubby for the bridal party dance.
Maybe consider giving close families members like her a corsage or nosegay the way you would your parents or g-parents (but maybe scaled down a bit so the ‘rents are still VIP)
If you’re worried about appearances, you can preemptively say something like “I know you’ll have your hands full with Baby, so I didn’t want to bog you down with BMs duties, but I still want you to be involved in the wedding”
Post # 10
Thanks so much ladies!
you all really helped me!
Post # 11
I don’t think you have to ask her. I didn’t ask my Future Sister-In-Law since we’re not close, she lives across the country and just had a baby. It would be an absolute disaster if she wasn’t there to take care of her baby the whole time as they both have serious separation anxiety. Also, my Fiance did not ask my brother or any my sisters husbands.
If you still feel really awkward leaving her out, ask her to do a reading.