Post # 1
I have based all of my wedding planning off of the band that I want. I finally found a great venue that has the same availability as the band and that can accomodate over 200 ppl. I wanted an October wedding, so that’s less than 10 months away- i must say it was really hard to find a venue in New Husband to accomodate 200+ ppl period, let alone one for October!
My dillemma is that one of my bridesmaids has a big work ‘event’ the day after my hopeful wedding date. She sort of made a big stink about it, saying that she wouldn’t be able to spend the night (she has to be at the event at 6 am I guess) and she might not be able to make it to the rehearsal dinner and may have to work on Friday before the wedding.
I tried to find a different venue but I haven’t been able to (I checked some out this weekend). One thing I am not willing to do is compromise on the band or the month of October, since it’s been the only thing I’m certain of. What would you guys do? I really have tried to find ways to work around her schedule, but I cannot find another venue for October. I feel like she has soooo much time to prepare for the event in advance, maybe she can get a lot of the work done in the two weeks prior to the wedding to free herself up for the wedding/rehearsal dinner.
Post # 3
Stick with your venue if it’s the only solution for having your dream wedding. If your friend really wants to be part of the day, she’ll come to the wedding and be a bridesmaid. She may not drink or stay til the very end, but having her there for the ceremony, dinner, and at least most of the reception should be enough to fulfill her bridesmaid duties. Unfortunately, things like this do happen and you have to respect that she has a life and a career outside your friendship, so it might impinge slightly on your plans. Don’t let that stop you from having the wedding you envisioned.
Post # 4
It would be a problem if she was your Maid/Matron of Honor and the work event was the day of the wedding. Now… to be honest, she only sounds like a very self-centred person that wants things her way. I would go ahead with the plans you already have, if she doesn’t like them – well, then that’s her problem and she should keep them to herself.
Post # 5
Stick with your date/venue/band. Her event is the day after, she has months to plan ahead to be available for your wedding and if she steps down then that’s her loss. It sounds like you found a great venue that works with your band and wedding so don’t let that go b/c of 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man, there is always someone that will have something to do around your date.
Post # 6
@LizzyR: I mean, it’s your wedding. If you are really set on having her in the wedding, it sounds like she’ll be there. She doesn’t have to be at the rehearsal dinner or stay the night. That kind of sucks for her, but if she can’t do it she can bow out. If you try to accomodate everyone’s schedule you’ll never get married.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
stick with the date you have. And give your friend a pass on the rehearsal dinner, if you think it would help her out. They’re really not “required”-another bridesmaid can fill her in on any details she needs.
Post # 8
You need to compromise; let her off the hook for staying over and for the rehearsal (and do it with good grace), and understand how much of an inconvenience it would be for her to balance being in your wedding party with her work commitment. I know it may seem like she should be able to sort out all of her work details in advance, but having been through many tradeshows and similar events myself, I can tell you that it’s not always like that. A lot of details are unknown till the last minute, and even tasks like assembling attendee packets are out of your control till the last minute because they rely on other people’s deadlines. Be as understanding as you can; yes, it’s going to add a bit of stress to your planning, but it’s also going to add stress to her world, and try to accept that we don’t always have control over our schedules and our commitments.
Also look at it this way: by refusing to consider a different band, if you were to put her out of the wedding party over this, you’d be effectively choosing a band (i.e. paid strangers) over your friend, and that’s no way to treat a friend.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone. I am okay with and understand her not being at the rehearsal and spending the night, I just feel really bad about it because I wanted everyone to have a great time. But I know that it will always be impossible to accomodate everyone. I think I will stick with my plan (date/venue) and offer/volunteer to help her out however I can the weekend/week before the wedding (and even the day of the wedding if she has to put together packets and stuff). Thanks again for all your help!
Post # 10
You should keep your wedding date and venue. However, you also must understand that your friend’s job needs to be of greater importance to her than your wedding will be. It’s her job and her professional reputation on the line. She has a greater responsibility to her employer than she does to you as her friend. Just as you cannot do some things for your wedding until immediately before and on the day of, your friend cannot prepare everything in advance for her event. As long as she is able to be present for and participate in your ceremony and be present for the formal pictures, I think that should be all that you require of your friend on the weekend of your wedding.