Post # 1
I have posted before about my FSIL but here is the latest. So she is getting married in 6 weeks and me next year. We are bridesmaids in each others wedding.
A few weeks ago she bought us our bridesmaids dresses without us being there. Luckily they all fit (she called and asked for our sizes). I asked her how much they cost and she said “don’t worry about it, you pay for mine and I pay for yours”.
Now that grinded my gears because she went to Winners and got our dresses (previously she purchased $10 dresses from Walmart but she got talked out of that and those are now our bridesmaids gifts). She spent $50 on these new ones.
Now she knows how bridesmaid dresses are about $150 and she lucked out getting hers for $50…but she knows I am looking at a $150 one and for her to say “you pay for mine and I pay for yours” and just assuming really took me aback. I just kinda said “ok” as I was in shock. But as I try to find my own girls dresses it seems I will be swalling $100 plus tax for her dress alone.
To top it off she just pulled the same stunt with shoes buying me a paid of shoes for $15 that was on clearance (I am a size 6 so sample size) and saying “you buy my shoes after I bought yours” again….so $100+cost of shoes now plus taxes.
BTW she makes 3x as much as me…and her home is worth about 3x more so she isn’t hurting for money. I know that shouldn’t be a factor but this isn’t and issue about “affording” bridesmaid gear since I know she can.
Am I being unreasonably by wanting to tell her to shove it?
Any advice on what to do?????????
Post # 3
Yikes, I’m sorry she put you in that situation. It’s really nice when brides want to pay for your dress, it’s definitely not required, but it seems self-serving in this case. I would just say, “Thanks, but I’m not planning on paying for the dresses for my bridesmaids, so I’d feel more comfortable if I could pay you back for the dress.” If she insists on paying, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean you then have to pay for hers.
Post # 4
Did you ask her budget before picking out the $150 dress? Even if you did, perhaps her budget has changed if she’s putting up a lot of money toward her own wedding. I can’t imagine paying to be in the wedding party for someone else at the same time as planning my own that I’m 100% funding with my FI. Being in the wedding party is expensive, so maybe she simply can’t afford it and is trying to let you know that without having to outright say it and embarrass herself. I certainly wouldn’t hold finances against anyone in my wedding party… they’re my friends, for cryin out loud!
Post # 5
Ditto with the first response. It’s unfortunate that we are not able to respond with what we really want to say when these things are sprung upon us.
Call her up and tell her that you are not comfortable with this arrangement, that you will be paying for the dress and shoes for her wedding as you will be expecting the same of your wedding party.
If she absolutely refuses to accept the money,mail her a cheque.If she doesn’t cash it, give her a $65 credit against the dress and shoes for your wedding.
Post # 6
Thanks for the responses!
I was going to send her an email since she is NOT a phone person and say this:
So I was thinking back on the dress and the shoes offer of “you pay for mine and I pay for yours” and I really do not have it in my budget to afford your dress and shoes for my wedding.
The bridesmaid dress will not be overly expensive as I am very sensitive to affordability and it will be around $100-120 max, probably at David’s Bridal.
I just do not have it in my budget to pay for your attire and I wasn’t planning on paying for anyone else’s attire.
I have one of two ideas:
1) I can pay what you paid for my attire towards your attire and you pay the rest.
2) I can straight out pay for my attire for your wedding.
I do not want to cause any problems its just a matter of trying to budget for 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen and the fact that I just don’t have it in my budget.
Please let me know what you want to do and I hope there are no hard feelings.
What do you think of this email?
Post # 7
I think CaliHoya had the right idea. I wouldn’t mention anything about the disparity in prices between the dresses for your respective weddings, just make it that you aren’t buying anyone else’s dress for yours, so you’d feel uncomfortable with that arrangement.