Post # 1
I need some serious advice. I asked one of my friend’s to be a bridesmaid. We have been friends since 6th grade (we are now 22). We don’t speak to each other all the time, but still have remained close. We are very different from one another.
Anyway, my “bridesmaids” and I went to dinner to celebrate my engagement and she happened to mention that she was planning to get a BIG tattoo to cover her entire back. I said “You are getting it after Fall of 2011, right?” and she said “Haha no! But I’ll cover it up with stuff, dont worry” . . .but I am TOTALLY FREAKIN WORRIED! I do not want to have someone in my wedding who has the world’s largest tattoo and/or very obviously wearing extreme cover-up. I feel like she should understand not wanting this in my wedding. Is that awful? I dont know what to do. I wouldnt have asked her to be in my wedding, had I known that she was going to be walking around with some big freakin tattoo covering her whole back!
HELP!!! Should I unbridesmaid her? Will She understand? and How should I do it?
Post # 3
One of the girls in my wedding party has a couple of tattoos on her back. I am not really worried about it and I am not asking her to cover it up with makeup. I am, however, making sure she will be wearing a bolero/shrug over her strapless gown. I am having each of my girls wear one, so she won’t feel singled out.
Post # 4
There’s absolutely no problems with hiding tattoos with makeup these days. If your friend is not good at hiding it, a professional makeup artist can hide it NO PROBLEM!
Just make sure that the MUA is experienced, so the tattoo is hidden in both RL *and* in pictures! Sometimes flash photography can reveal a hidden tattoo that is not visible to the naked eye.
Again, an experienced MUA should have no problems hiding it in both RL and in photographs. 🙂
Post # 5
Hmm that is a really touchy subject. Honestly, I think that if you were close enough to her to ask her to be in the wedding then you shouldn’t unbridesmaid her just because you don’t like her decision. She has a life outside of your wedding! I like @noritake’s idea of a bolero or shrug and having everyone wear one so as to not single her out if it’s that big of a deal for you. Or, when shopping for dresses try to pick something that isn’t too low in the back to cover as much of it up as possible with fabric.
Post # 6
If you wouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid if she already had the tattoo, then you probably need to rethink how close of friends you are. Have here wear a bolero or wrap during the ceremony and pictures and then let her rock her tattoo at the reception. Don’t ask her to step down because of the tattoo, it’s not fair to her.
I have a tattoo that covers my whole foot. I thought about it for a couple of years before I got it and was soo excited when the time finally came to get it. If a friend had asked me to wait another year and a half so I could look like a “bridesmaid” I would have gotten it anyway and dealt with the consequences :/ Then again, many of my friends have perfectly lovely tattoos on their bodies.
Post # 7
Fall of 2011 is a very long way away. You’re basically asking to have veto power over major appearance-related decisions for over a year and a half. This works within very close friends, but it doesn’t sound like she’s that close to you.
Since you have a lot of time, try to breathe and relax and let it go for now. Maybe she’ll change her mind. Maybe you’ll actually like the tattoo. Maybe it won’t end up being so large after all – tattoos that cover the entire back are very expensive. And if it comes to it, I’m sure Mr. Bee’s advice that a good makeup artist will be able to effectively cover it up is sound. Just let it go for a while.
Post # 8
If you are friends with her, then you should be able to accept all of her for who she is, tattoo included. The fact that she has a tattoo doesn’t stop you from being a friend any other day of the year, does it? Why would a wedding change that? If you demote her simply for the fact that she has a tattoo, or if you ask her to cover it with makeup, then it gives the impression that you are ashamed of her and care more about aesthetics and impressing other people than you do about your friendship with her.
Post # 9
I think it’s best to be hesitant about picking your bridesmaids based on how they look–this can lead to a lot of not very nice choices regarding a woman’s size, hair length, tattoos, etc. At the same time, it’s hard because body modifications have become so popular and yet everyone has really different tastes for them.
If you really think having a large tattoo is a problem, what about picking clothing that will be suitable to minimizing it? A dress with a back, a bolero, a shrug, etc. could do a lot. Also, it’s her back–not likely to be all that noticable, esp. in pictures. It sounds like she has already tried to think of some solutions too, which shows that she cares.
It’s great that you have so much time to think of a solution if it is important to you. But I think asking her to step down based on an appearance decision that affects you in approximately two years is a bit harsh.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
If someone un-bridesmaided me because of a tattoo, the friendship would be O-V-E-R.
What’s more important? Your friendship with a girl you’ve known since you were a kid? Or the fact that she has a tattoo?
I will admit that the idea of covering it up with makeup sounds like it might look pretty crappy. What’s wrong with just letting it hang out?
Post # 11
She’s already offered to cover it up with makeup. And with theatre makeup nowadays it’s so easy to get the tools to do that. If I were asked to step down as a bridesmaid because I was planning to get a tattoo on my back I would be hugely offended and would certainly end that friendship right there.
Post # 12
Sorry to say, but I agree with all the above. If it’s that huge a concern, chose a style that will cover the tatoo or as suggested opt for wraps, shrugs/boleros/etc.
Kind of a similar but different situation, but one of my BMs has a terrible insecurity over her “cankles”. I wanted short dresses but it would have meant her dropping out (she said this when I was tossing around dress ideas). She’s a good friend and it meant more to me to have her there, so long dresses it was. In the scheme of my wedding with all the various factors and details, having Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses that may not have been my very first choice but having the people I love the most standing beside me made it a really easy decision.
Post # 13
My Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) has a full sleeve. I did not hesitate asking her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because of the tat – it is so “her” and is a beautiful piece of art. If I was asked to be in a wedding and then un-asked because of a tat, the friendship would be over – fast.
Choose Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses that cover the back if it’s that much of a convern to you. She has offered to cover it up if that’s what you want.
Post # 14
Nearly my entire wedding party will have tattoos. My fiance has a full back piece, some on his chest, and a few on his arm. Some of the people that are there have some that I have drawn myself. My mom said that no tattoos can show, but since most of the groomsmen are tattoo artists, they have some tats that go up their necks. Although I have not narrowed down my bridesmaid list, every potential girl has at least one that shows, some more (like full sleeves). The only people who don’t will be me and my two sisters (and I think that is only because they aren’t old enough yet).
I’m a pretty conservative girl (my family definitely is) and the large number of tattoos worry me. I’m contemplating shrugs or boleros but to be honest if I don’t I am learning to deal with it. My wedding will be such a huge mixture of different people, that it I am playing off of that. From college kids, to older people, to tattoo artistis, to hippies, and everyone in between. Pretty much every type of person you can think of will be represented at my wedding. I see it as a coming together of two different worlds and I want to celebrate that.
Long story short, trust your friend. I highly doubt she will get one that is obscene, and you still have to option of adding those accessories that cover it. If boleros and shrugs are not something that you want, then Kat von D has a really good make up that cover up tattoos, or you can get them air brushed. However, I would offer to pay for the makeup that covers it. That way if makes you look like you are taking it in stride and you are not upset with her that she got her tat right before your wedding. There are so many options of cover ups, and, personally, I don’t think that it is something that should warrant taking her out of the wedding party (which could jeopardize the friendship). Your wedding is about you and your future husband and her tattoo will not be the major concern of your attendants.
Now with the tattoo situation out of the way (for me at least), all I have to worry about is the groomsman that has shoulder-length black dreds.
Post # 15
Hi Pecofluck! While I really sympathize with your sentiments I have to admit that ‘demoting’ her is probably not the best course of action. If the wedding were sooner (say, this summer) then that would be different because it’s only a few months away. But because it’s NEXT fall – well that’s quite far. That being said, I know it’s really unfortunate that she wants to do this. I come from a very conservative background, as does my Fiance, and it would reflect VERY poorly on me if one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man had a huge tattoo (and I know it would bother me if it came out in photos, etc.) So don’t worry, you’re not alone! But no, you’re really not in a position to stop her from doing this, and I think you may seriously regret un-BMing her because she is a special person in your life.
Luckily, she’s given you ample warning. Have you bought the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses yet? Maybe you can look for a style that would easilly hide the tattoo (i.e. don’t go for a halter top etc.). Just stress to her that it IS important to you and while you do value your friendship, you aren’t comfortable w/ her tattoo SHOWING because of x, y and x.
Post # 16
I am a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding in June. I have a tattoo that covers my entire back and had it before my friend asked me to be a bridesmaid. I asked her a couple of times if she would want me to cover it up (with makeup or more likely a dress that covered it), she thought about it, and decided that she didn’t care if I show it because we’re best friends and it’s part of me.
As other bees have mentioned, if you aren’t willing to let your friend be herself at your wedding, you should not have asked her to be a bridesmaid. No one’s world stops because of your wedding.
If you still really want her to be in it, you need to pick a dress that will cover the tattoo and have ALL of the BMs wear it. It would be rude to single her out.