Post # 1
HELP! My one and only bridesmaid has not returned her RSVP card yet. She told me she is stalling since she isn’t sure if she is going to invite this guy she is kind of seeing. Problem is I didn’t invite this random guy since they aren’t serious and because she told me she didn’t even know if she really likes him. So I specifically invited just her and her son (she’s a single mom). Next issue is this guy has 2 kids!
I’m having a small family wedding (only 40 guests total) and I don’t have the room for him or his 2 kids.
I don’t want to upset my bridesmaid, but if this guy comes along with his 2 kids, I don’t have a spot for them at the reception. (Currently I have my bridesmaid and her son sitting at the head table). The room only holds 40 and I’m already at 42! Not to mention that’s 3 more mouths to feed at the rehearsal dinner, reception, and post-wedding brunch!
Any advice is appreciated!
Post # 3
If you are ok with him coming, tell her so and tell her that you have closed the RSVPs. Are you sure that he would want to bring his two kids?
Post # 4
Tell her that you only reserved 2 spots in her name, so she needs to either bring her son or just her sort-of-boyfriend. Explain to her exactly the situation – you would love to have more friends attend, but unfortunately the room only holds a certain amount of people. Good luck!
Post # 5
Honestly, since she is your one and only BM I would invite him (but just him, not the kids) You can explain that you want her to be happy, so that is why he is invited, but that you just can’t afford to squeeze the kids in to.
Also, like the poster above said, he may not evn want to bring his kids, since technically he will be on a date with a new women, so you may be jumping the gun. But even so, I would tell her so that way there is no funny business later.
Post # 6
I agree with the others and would talk to her about how you’re stressed about room capacity and then slip in how because of that it will have to her son or the guy. At the end of the day, the room capacity is the issue. That’ll nip any bringing of extra kids in the bud too.
Post # 7
Honestly I prefer he not come because I really don’t have the room. (No offense, but he’s a really big guy-like 350 maybe 400 pounds). I’ve already had to rework the seating arrangements for people that orignally said they weren’t coming, than decided to come after all. He is not going to know anyone at the wedding but the bridesmaid. At least the bridesmaid knows my family and we share mutual friends that will be at the wedding also.
No, I’m not sure that he would bring his two kids.
Post # 8
Definitely talking to her would be your best option – let us know how she reacts/what she has to say? It’s an intimate wedding … it’s totally understandable that you wouldn’t want this guy you don’t even know (and it doesn’t sound like your bridesmaid really does, either) hanging out.
Post # 9
Do you think it would be rude to send my bridesmaid and my MOH my tentative seating plan? I’m thinking if my bridesmaid sees how tight the space is without this extra guy, that she will think twice about inviting him…
Post # 10
I would be really honest with her — say, “you know, I need to give the caterer a final count right away. I know you mentioned you were considering bringing JoeBob, and that would mean his kids would come, so I’ll need to add an extra table, since we’ll actually be 5 over our limit then. Actually, you’ll be at the head table with me, are you sure you want to ask him to come if he can’t even sit with you, and you’ll be busy helping out with stuff all day? Might be a little stressful on the new relationship, you know?”
Let her know the facts, in a way that helps her remember you’re thinking of her, not just you. She’s your BM, afterall, she’s kind of ‘in’ on the plans as it is.
Post # 11
What did you say to her when she told you she wasn’t sure about inviting the guy she started seeing? The reason I ask is because it’s clear that she is assuming that it’s OK to bring date.
If you do not want to invite her + a date, then you need to tell her – and quick, because the expectation is already there on her part.
If that’s the case, tell her: I know you were trying to decide if you were going to invite “X”, but I’d really prefer if you came without a date…. you can elaborate by saying you were putting together the head table and there’s only room for “X” people and because you want it intimate, you want just her and her son to be sitting there.
Don’t beat around the bush by sending her the table layout, etc… if she thinks it’s ok for her to invite a date, squeezing in one more person won’t seem like an issue.
Post # 12
GREAT NEWS! My fiance just got my bridesmaid’s RSVP for 2!! HALLELUJAH!
Thank you all for the great advice.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Problem solved! How convenient. 🙂