Bridesmaid inviting guests to our small wedding..How should I respond?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow. what a thing for a bridesmaid to do, yes I would talk in private to the invitee and explain to her that you are having a very small wedding and tell Bridesmaid she can not invite people.

Post # 4
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would definitely talk to her! Thats insane! Be nice about it of course, but be firm. “BM you know I love you, but FI and I have taken great pains to keep our guest list small. Please do not invite anyone else to my wedding, its not your place”

Shell probaly act shocked and indignant “I know youre sorry, BM. Im not mad or anything, I love you. Its just a delicate balance as it is, and I dont want to offent FIs family”

Also you dont HAVE to invite the person she invited. If I was in the circumstance, I wouldnt be steaming a dress or anything. I would just smile and nod until I had a paper invite in the mail. I would HATE to be at an event where I wasnt truly invited.

Post # 5
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Buzzybrownbee:  Ok. I am going through a similar situation. We are also having a very small wedding ceremony (28 guests!). However, we are having a larger reception later. We invited about 150 people. My Mom and my brother have both invited people!!!

It is incredibly rude. I am still in shock. My mom invited a second cousin of mine that I really like but am totally not close with. My brother invited one of his friends. Who again, I really like but barely ever see! I was so shocked that they would do this. They literally invited these people and then told me they were coming.

I let it slide though 🙁 I am not proud of it. I should have just told them no. That’s not how this works. I just feel bad for the guests now. I can’t go back and uninvite them now.

My mom is STILL suggesting people to invite and I just keep saying that we probably won’t have room. My FI is not happy about this at all and we actually got in a fight about it.

But no more. I will not allow my mom or any other family member to invite other people. It’s so rude. My advice would have been to tell her no. Tell her that she cannot come… but I feel like a hypocrite. Ugh, I feel your pain.

Post # 6
Member
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I would definitely tell your BM to please not invite anyone else, and the friend she already invited can just be considered that BM’s +1. I wouldn’t personally bother uninviting her because that’s awkward. I’d let it fly and make sure to put a stop to any other guests leaking in because of the BM.

Post # 7
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well the thing is, she’s not invited because you didn’t invite her. There’s no need to uninvite her. She’ll get it when she doesn’t get an invitation, or if you’d prefer, you can bring it up with her now and explain that you’re having a very small wedding. You definitely need to talk to your bridesmaid though.

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you need to call your bridesmaid and have her clean up the mess she made. This is a problem she created so she needs to fix it.  

Tell her you understand that her heart was in the right place but that you cannot extend this person an invitation and that you need her to please get in touch with this person and let them know. 

Im not sure which floors me more, the fact that your BM would take it upon herself to invite people to your wedding, or that someone would accept an invitation offered by someone not hosting the event. 

Post # 9
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You need to talk to your BM NOW and explain (even though it is obvious) that you are having a tiny wedding and you would appreciate it if she would not invite people. Just let her know that this girl she invited is going to be considered her +1 so she can choose between her FI/DH/SO as her +1. It gives her two choices and it will also come across loud and clear.

Post # 10
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Buzzybrownbee: Totally crossing the line. I would talk to your bridesmaid and tell her she needs to uninvite that person. 

Post # 11
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Woah, what?  Your bridesmaid is off-the-cuff inviting people to YOUR wedding??!!  I’m just picturing the BM going: “OMG, you should TOTALLY come to SusieQ’s wedding! It will be a total blast!!”

You need to put a stop to that and fast.  No one can invite people to your wedding except YOU and your FI.  This is such a breach of etiquette that I can’t even wrap my head around it!   

A talk with your BM is needed soon.  This is not a causal party where the more is the merrier. This is a special event, with a specific guest list!  

 

Post # 12
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

Your bridesmaid need to be the to talk to the person and let them know she messed up. She needs to know that this is not okay and can’t happen again.

Post # 13
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Buzzybrownbee:  I can’t imagine that someone would think they were actually invited without hearing it directly from the bride and groom. I bet the person didn’t take it seriously, especially since you didn’t say anything.

Still, your bridesmaid needs to talk to this person and clear the air.

Post # 14
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, ask the bridesmaid to tell the friend that she made a mistake in inviting her to your wedding. And tell her that it put you in a really awkward situation and you need her to not do that again.

Post # 15
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Did she really invite her invite her? Or just sort of mention the wedding in a “we’re all going” way? Either way, she definitely crossed the line but if the girl doesnt know where/when it is I doubt she actually thinks she’s invited. Have a talk with your BM telling her she can’t do that. If something needs to be said to the girl your BM has to do it otherwise she won’t realize how awkward it is. Make her do the dirty work since she created the problem. 

 

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