Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids has been a best friend since middle school and remain close even though we are states apart. It has been hard making her feel apart of the wedding while she is so far away, but I have been doing my best and we have made it work.
On Thursday she found out her mom has a rare form of cancer and they have no cure. The doctor thinks he may have removed it all but there will be many tests and radiation over the next 6 months. Our wedding is in 7 months. I am considering calling my friend and telling her that it is okay for her to drop out of the wedding since she has more important things going on in her life. She is extremely close with her mother and hasnt left her side since they found out. I know since she will be taking care of her, worrying about finding a dress, shoes and saving for all the extras that come with my wedding (hair, airfare, hotel, makeup, nails, food, ect) are her last worry.
I think I am doing her a favor by telling her I wont be upset and she should focus on her family right now. However, I dont want it to come across as I really could careless if she is in my wedding. Has anyone ever had to deal with a situation similar to this? Any words of advice? Ways I can say it?
Post # 3
Call her up and don’t mention a word about the wedding. Just ask her how she is and what you can do for her. Not a word about the wedding.
If she needs to drop out, she will. Let her decide if it is too much for her. She could EASILY hear in your questions that you want her to offer to drop out.
If this were my wedding, she would be a BM whether she was there or not. She would be listed in my program and the minister would mention she can’t be with us today because she is caring for her ill mother. I would send her bouquet to her with a big happy card and tell her I missed her, I loved her, and that she is where she needs to be. She would still be my BM regardless if she was present or not.
Post # 4
@mrg1005: I think, because you’re so close, she won’t think you’re being rude. She’ll know you’re literally only saying it because you want her to do whats best for HER, so just be honest: “I’m so sorry about your mom. I understand if you want to take the next few months to focus on her, entirely. With that said, if you still want to be in the wedding, please know that I certainly still want you to be! I just want you to do what’s best for you.”
Post # 6
Great advice everyone. Its only been a few days so I am sure things are still setting in. Even if she cannot make it I know I will still make her apart of the wedding. I hadnt thought of sending her flowers as her bouquet, great idea.
Post # 7
Leave it as-is but keep you BM demands low. Make it super easy for her to get her dress, don’t be demanding about any extras such as paying for hair and makeup, attending a bachelorette party, etc. Make it clear that all she needs is the right dress and to show up at the wedding. Everything else is optional. I’m sure she wants to be in your wedding. The best way to be supportive is to make it as hassle-free as possible for her.
I don’t think it would be nice to suggest that she drop out just because her mom is sick. That should make zero difference unless she can’t actually attend your ceremony.
Post # 8
@californiaraisin: +1. Perfect way to say it. You’re doing the right thing 🙂