Bridesmaid issue. Am I being a bad friend?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1524 posts
Bumble bee

@BEWLove:  a friend is a friend if ur worried about ur “image” I dnt think that’s right, with that being said it is YOUR wedding so do as u see fit. 

Post # 4
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I dont think you are awful at all. This is YOUR day and if you dont want her in your bridal party then she shouldnt be, period. I think people can put way too much emphasis on time passed and not really focus on the current. By that I mean you were friends for years, really close in your younger years, but you’ve grown apart. If you chose to have people in your bridal party that you are close to NOW, that’s what should count.

You didnt state whether you felt or if she expressed that she should be a part of the wedding party or not so I wont/cant address that part. If she does, be honest with her. Not about her being loud and vulgar but you have already chosen the wedding party (not just bridal) and dont plan to make any changes. Lastly, if you care to, try to incorporate her into some of the plans (dress fittings, accessory shopping, decorations, etc.) so she wont feel too put out and unincluded.

Good luck! 

Post # 5
2644 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you are a bad friend.  You can’t have everyone in your bp. Why not ask her to do a reading? That way you can include her and atthe same time let her know she won’t be a BM.

Post # 6
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think you’re a bad friend. FI didn’t make one of his friends a groomsman for a pretty similar reason – we’re all in our late 20s and this guy still acts like he did in college – drinking and drugs all the time (and not just pot…). So, he’s an usher since we needed some anyway, but if we hadn’t needed ushers, he would have just been a very welcome guest.

As my momma told me “you can’t make every friend a bridesmaid because then you won’t have any friends in the audience!”.

If she brings it up or if you feel really bad, maybe have her pass out programs or something, but I seriously wouln’t worry about it.

Post # 7
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Is she assuming she’s in your bridal party or hasn’t that come up? 

Post # 8
714 posts
Busy bee

I like the idea about the reading that @RunsWithBears brought up. 

Don’t feel bad – you already picked your bridal party, so don’t change that.

Post # 9
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I dont know what to say about how to go about letting her know that she’s not in the bridal party but…

i do feel that your comments about how you dont want others perceiving you to be like her has gotten my goat a bit. She is who she is, she is the way she is, and you are you. Not everyone is the same and i know small town mentality but if your town is only full of opinionated, blinkered snobs…well…theyre the ones with the problems, not your friend.

be thankful – to have a friend from such a young age and still be touch is an achievement in this day and age, theyre too easy come, easy go. Not many people have lifelong friends.

race, skin colour, loud, quiet, fat, skinny, short, tall. Who cares? As long as they are a genuine friend then thats all that matters.


Post # 10
452 posts
Helper bee

I think any reasonable person should understand not being included given the time & distance and lack of contact, coupled with the timeline with which you needed to do things for your wedding (e.g., picking bridal party members) and not finding out she was moving back in town until well after that took place.

If you can, it would be a nice gesture to include her in some aspect of the event though so that she feels as though you do respect the friendship. She sounds like she could benefit from feeling some sense of inclusion as she transitions through the changes associated with moving back home with limited friends. 

Post # 12
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think you have to include her in the wedding (why?) and I don’t think you have to tell her that she’s not in the bridal party (she didn’t seem to assume that she was), However, I do want to point out that the comments about how she’s going to affect your image speak louder than “i can be friends with anybody”

Post # 16
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Well if their eyes and ears aren’t painted on then surely they’ll see and hear its her, not you.

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